“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll
I remember working at a job where I absolutely could not do anything right.
This was one of those jobs where it was extremely fast paced and you received 100 tons of work that must be completed by an unrealistic deadline. And here’s the kicker: your time at work was spent in meetings, all day. I’m talking about four to seven hours of your day. You get the picture.
So you may ask when I had time to do the work. Unfortunately, after work hours, in the evenings at home or on the weekends, when I was supposed to be spending time with my family.
Now don’t get me wrong, at times I was able to steal a half hour to an hour on the job to work on tasks that needed to be completed; however, I found it tough to consistently focus and devote my undivided attention when I was shifting gears all day, every day.
It almost seemed impossible to win against an environment of nonstop “busyness” with no real progression in sight. I was losing fast.
I did not perform well during my time there and did not have the impact I thought I would and wanted to have in my work, and within the organization. I failed (or so it seemed to me).
One day, I finally decided it was time for me to leave. While I initially had mixed emotions about leaving, I knew I wasn’t helping myself by staying at the organization; I was totally out of balance!
I needed to breathe, I was drowning at work, too busy doing the work at home, not fully paying attention to my daughter, and I became a stressed out monster, having emotional meltdowns far too often.
Upon leaving, I received a card from my department staff and some people shared their reflections with me, which revealed that I had done so much more than what I knew. How could I have shared my light with others after falling short in my role?
What I learned is, people are always watching how you respond and react in tough situations. Your character is revealed when going through darkness.
I was able to reach out to others and bring out the best in them through in-depth conversations during supervision or in morning talks with colleagues. Even though I was dying inside, I always came to work with positive attitude, a smile, and people picked up on that energy.
I provided guidance to some with their career goals, assisted with developing their voice and professionalism in the work environment. I had somehow helped others become acclimated to the job and feel like they were productive and contributed.
When I reflected on what kept me going, I remembered the four things listed below were key:
1. Shift gears with your thoughts.
We can control our thoughts by monitoring them, and when we find ourselves having negative thoughts, change it to something positive. With self-talk we can be proactive and plant the thoughts we want.
For example, there were times I would feel sick before heading into the office and I told myself how much I hated being there. But changing my thought from “I don’t want to be here” to “What can I do to help someone today?” allowed me to open myself up to the possibilities for each day.
2. Meditation is key.
Spend at least ten minutes in the morning quiet and doing nothing before starting your work; prepare your mind for the day. A prepared mind will help you to sustain the stresses that life will place on you. You will feel the pressure, but when you are mentally prepared it will be much easier to cope with them.
3. Get pumped up.
Before heading into the office listen to a song that motivates you, makes you feel good, and will push you. This can be your song of the day to play at your desk to keep you going. Two of my songs were “Happy” by Pharrell and “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves.
4. It is what it is.
When challenges are out of your control at work, don’t beat yourself up. Accept what it is. By accepting the things that you have no control over, you will have the energy to concentrate on the things that you can control. You will end up maintaining your happiness, and perhaps even your sanity.
When you find yourself in a situation where there’s too much that you simply cannot accept, or that is unhealthy to accept, it is time to take responsibility for making a change. Instead of staying in a situation that will build bitterness and resentment, start looking for something new that will contribute more positively to your life.
—
In the end, through my unhappiness, I had somehow been encouraging, supportive, and motivating to others. I shared my sense of humor and brought out the humor in others. In what I deemed as a professional failing nightmare, I unknowingly had brought positive energy and a boost to others.
How you respond in tough situations may unknowingly help others, as well.
Man meditating at work image via Shutterstock
About Raphaela Browne
Raphaela Browne is a Certified Transformation + Career Coach and Nonprofit Organizational Consultant, committed to supporting professional women and organizations with embracing change and transitioning seamlessly to their next big thing. Schedule a complimentary session by clicking the link Schedule your session here or visit her at www.raphaelabrowne.com for more information.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you for sharing these perfectly timed experiences, Raphaela!
I have struggled with certain aspects of my work lately, but that wasn’t what really made it almost impossible to deal with at some point. Rather, the suffering was due to endless inner conversations taking me to the same place over and over again: a place with loads of frustration, no power and no solutions.
After trying that for quite a while I finally have to admit for myself: The kind of solutions that I need and want will not come through thinking. On the contrary: Thinking prevents them from arriving.
At this point I’ve shown it to myself for such a long time, with such intensity that it’s relatively easy to remember to let go and try to be more present instead. 🙂 Or so I hope. I suspect that after a period of intense over-thinking-considering-analyzing-verbalizing it may take a while before I get myself back to a state of relative presence. But it’s good to at least have a sense of direction at last.
Thank you!
AMAZING quote to lead off the article.
While not related to work, I was recently told I had to leave my current apartment. I felt stressed, anxious, etc… But then I stopped myself and realized I had many choices: I had money to get a new apartment, and because I worked for myself I could take the time out to find a new apartment/spend time searching for one. I then thought about other reasons why it was good thing that this was happening (had been moving around a lot, not in the best places, etc.)
It’s essential not to think everything is always sunshine and rainbows because that could be repressing negative emotions, but that doesn’t mean life has to be all work, boring, negative, and so on. There’s usually a brighter side or lesson you can gleam from everything.
+1 on the meditation – it’s saved my life. Hope your current job is less stressful 😉
Thank you so much for sharing your story! And ditto on meditation it’s the best way for me to start my day. I agree it’s important to acknowledge your problem and also give yourself permission to feel those emotions. After that we have the choice to push ahead or remain stuck.
No problem! Thanks for sharing your story.
O..M..G!!! This!!! Your article totally summed up exactly what happened and how I felt at my last workplace. I tried my best at being positive and joyful but the negativity was draining me, so I decided to leave it. Thank you for writing it!
No problem! It’s smazing
Thank you so much Raphaela for writing this and sharing. This is my second job (since graduating college) and this is my first time experiencing this level of unhappiness and stress. I started July 2014. The first day I was in shock because the school was not as described to me.
Then in August I left work crying because I felt defeated. The students were cursing, unruly, and just flat out disrespectful. I ended up in a car crash at 5pm from crying while driving and totaled my car.
I followed those same four steps that you mentioned the rest of August, September and October. Then last week a student hit me in the head with a rock and I am having major headaches and anxiety ever since. Tomorrow makes seven days of this pain and I believe it is my turn to leave.
I do feel mixed emotions because I like to finish what I have started but being assaulted at work has drawn the line for me.
Wow Jessica, this sounds severe. Based off what you have shared with me, it’s definitely best for you to work in an environment where your safety and well being is a priority. If the students are treating teachers this way, I can only imagine the level of respect they have for their peers. You probably have already spoken with the principal about your concerns. If the school is not developing any plans to get this type of behavior under control, you may want to develop an exit plan. I’m glad you are thinking about your well being as a priority and I know you will find a better environment to use your skills and talents.
This is exactly what I needed to read today, thank you!
No problem! I’m glad this encouraged you:)
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll
When I read this quote I usually feel sad. I also feel ill on my way in to work. I feel like crying or vomiting in the women’s restroom due to the pressure, deadlines, constant changes, and knowing that what I do may be posted on the internet with negative comments. I know that meditation can help, and I’ve tried. I have a daily meditation book that I’ve been using. But as soon as someone starts telling me about a the new firedrill for the day, and the emails start flying, and I’m behind before I’ve even started, I feel ill once again. It’s been 3 years and I think it’s important to know when to leave — that even if you didn’t “react well” that you don’t need to feel guilty and you can move on. I wake up wishing something would happen to me on the way to work so that I don’t make it there. I don’t have much energy to “change my story” and I just want to rest and recover.
This totally makes sense, especially with how I’m feeling now. Thank you for putting things into perspective and helping me find my center – never losing who I am at the core.
I’m so glad this resonated with you and thanks for being open to share. Getting centered and being still is such a great way to gain clarity around next steps.