“Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be.” ~Joan Didion
This spring marked ten years since I lost my mother. One ordinary Thursday, she didn’t show up to work, and my family spent a blur of days frantically hanging missing person fliers, driving all over New England, and hoping against reason for a happy outcome.
My mother was prone to frequent mood swings, but she also talked to my two older brothers and me multiple times a day, and going off the grid was completely out of character. How does someone just vanish? And why?
Forty days is a long time to brood over worst-case scenarios: murder, kidnap, dissociative fugue cycled through my addled mind. I gave in to despair but always managed to buoy myself up with hope. My mom was my best friend, and at twenty years old, I needed her too much to lose her. She simply had to come home.
Six weeks later, my brother called. Right up front he said he loved me—a sure sign bad news was coming. There was no way to say what he had to say next, so he just spat it out like sour milk: our mother’s body had been found.
A diver checking moorings in a cold New England harbor had spotted something white on the ocean floor. That white whale was our mom’s station wagon. She had driven off the end of a pier. We didn’t say the word suicide, but we both thought it, failed to comprehend it.
It’s been ten years since that terrible spring. Much of it still doesn’t make sense to me, but a decade has softened the rawness of my grief and allowed moments of lightness to find their way back into my life, the way sunrise creeps around the edges of a drawn window shade.
Losing someone to suicide makes you certain you’ll never see another sunrise, much less appreciate one. It isn’t true. I’m thirty years old now and my life is bigger, scarier, and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined. Grief helped get me here.
Grief is not something you can hack. There is no listicle that can reassemble your busted heart. But I have found that grieving can make your life richer in unexpected ways. Here are ten truths the biggest loss of my life has taught me:
1. Dying is really about living.
At my mother’s memorial, I resented everyone who said some version of that old platitude, “Time heals all wounds.” Experience has taught me that time doesn’t offer a linear healing process so much as a slowly shifting perspective.
In the first raw months and years of grieving, I pushed away family and friends, afraid that they would leave too. With time, though, I’ve forged close relationships and learned to trust again. Grief wants you to go it alone, but we need others to light the way through that dark tunnel.
2. No one will fill that void.
I have a mom-shaped hole in my heart. Turns out it’s not a fatal condition, but it is a primal spot that no one will ever fill. For a long time, I worried that with the closest relationship in my life suddenly severed, I would never feel whole again. Who would ever understand me in all the ways my mother did?
These days I have strong female role models in my life, but I harbor no illusions that any of them will take my mom’s place. I’ve slowly been able to let go of the guilt that I was replacing or dishonoring her by making room for others. Healing is not an act of substituting, but of expanding, despite the holes we carry.
3. Be easy on yourself.
In the months after losing my mother, I was clumsy, forgetful and foggy. I can’t recall any of the college classes I took during that time. Part of my grieving process entailed beating myself up for what I could not control, and my brain fog felt like yet another failure.
In time, the fog lifted and my memories returned. I’ve come to see this as my mind going into survival mode with its own coping mechanisms.
Being kind to myself has never been my strong suit, and grief likes to make guilt its sidekick. Meditation, yoga, and journaling are three practices that help remind me that kindness is more powerful than listening to my inner saboteur.
4. Use whatever works.
I’m not a Buddhist, but I find the concept of letting go and not clinging to anything too tightly to be powerful.
I don’t read self-help, but I found solace in Joan Didion’s memoir The Year of Magical Thinking.
I’m not religious, but I found my voice in a campus support group run by a chaplain.
I hadn’t played soccer since I was a kid, but I joined an adult recreational league and found that I could live completely in the moment while chasing a ball around a field.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all grieving method. Much of it comes down to flailing around until you find what works. Death is always unexpected; so too are the ways we heal.
5. Gratitude wins.
We always feel that we lost a loved one too soon. My mom gave me twenty good years. Of course I would’ve liked more time, but self-pity and gratitude are flipsides of the same coin; choosing the latter will serve you in positive ways, while the former gives you absolutely nothing.
6. Choose to thrive.
My mom and I share similar temperaments. After her death, I worried I was also destined for an unhappy outcome. This is one of the many tricks that grief plays: it makes you think you don’t deserve happiness.
It’s easier to self-destruct than it is to practice self-care. I initially coped through alcohol and other destructive methods, but I knew this was only clouding my grieving process. I had to face the pain directly, and write my way through it. So I wrote a book.
Everyone has their own constructive coping mechanisms, and choosing those, even when it’s hard, is worth it in the long run. My mother may not have been able to find happiness in her own life, but I know she would want that for me. No one is going to water you like a plant—you have to choose to thrive.
7. Time heals, but on its own timeline.
“Time heals all wounds” is something I heard a lot at my mother’s memorial service. Here’s what I wish I had known: grief time does not operate like normal time. In the first year, the present was obscured entirely by the past. Grieving demanded that I revisit every detail leading up to losing my mom.
As I slowly started to find effective coping mechanisms, I began to feel more rooted in the present. My mood did not have to be determined by the hurts of the past.
There will always be good days and bad. This is the bargain we sign on for as humans. Once we make it through the worst days, we gain a heightened sense of appreciation for the small moments of joy to be found in normal days. Healing comes over time, but only if we’re willing to do the work of grieving.
8. Let your loss highlight your gains.
I’ve lived in New York City for eight years now, but it still shocks me that I’ve built a life that I love here. It’s a gift I attribute to my mom. She was always supportive of my stubborn desire to pursue a career as a writer. After she died, the only thing that made sense to me was to write about the experience.
This led me to grad school in New York, a place I had never even considered living before. It feels like home now. I wish I could share it with my mom, but it was her belief in me that got me here. I lost my mom, but I found a home, good friends, a career I love and the perspective to appreciate it all.
9. Heartbreak is a sign of progress.
In the first years after the big loss, I assumed romance was dead to me. Why would I allow someone else to break my heart? Luckily I got past this fear to the point where I was able to experience a long and loving relationship.
That relationship eventually imploded, but I did not, which strikes me as a sign of progress. Grief makes us better equipped to weather the other life losses that are sure to come. This is not pessimism. This is optimism that the rewards of love always trump its risks.
10. Grief makes us beginners.
Death is the only universal, and grieving makes beginners out of all of us. Yet grief affects us all in different ways. There is no instruction manual on how best to cope.
There is only time, day by day and sometimes minute by minute, to feel what works, and to cast aside what does not. In the ten years I’ve learned to live without my mother, I’ve tried to see my grieving process as an evolutionary one. Loss has enriched my life in challenging, unexpected, and maybe even beautiful ways.
About Lindsay Harrison
Lindsay Harrison is a New York based writer and editor. Her first book, Missing, was published by Simon & Schuster. When she's not writing, she's most likely playing soccer or walking her dog, who looks like a fox.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Lindsey, what a lovely article – your mother would be very proud of you!! honest I’m sat here and my eyes are welling up. I can’t imagine how you must have felt…Well done for being such a strong lady…. Sending lots of love to you xxxx
Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your grief/healing journey with us, truly insightful and powerful message of allowing and being open to growth, and knowing that our loved ones want us to continue on a path of happiness and success! HUGS!
Thanks for the kind words, Jules!
thank you and I’m glad you related to the message of growth
A+
A mom shaped hole in my heart…..beautiful words ….tragic words…
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This is beautiful and really useful. Thank you.
grieving makes beginners out of all of us”. So true. It’s been 7 days, since I lost my dad. Still can’t manage to control my tears, everything seems impossible now. Don’t know proper words to describe this. Your article is making me feel better. Thank you
“We always feel that we lost a loved one too soon. My mom gave me twenty good years.” This might very well be the most profound thing I have read in the last little while. It is an amazing way to look at the positive as you went through a dark time.
I often tell others that when they are stuck in the valley of life’s challenges to look up, start climbing and imagine the view at the top.
Thank you for sharing your story Lindsay.
I read this article yesterday and immediately bought your book and devoured it in one night. I seriously felt like I was reading my own diary – I also grew up in New England, my parents divorced when I was young and my mom never truly got over it, and while she’s still alive she’s battled with severe depression ever since and there have been many times where I’ve lived in fear of getting the call that you got. I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you to go through what you went through, and I’m just in awe of the fact that you’ve managed to get to a place where you can write about it so eloquently. I’m not exaggerating when I say this book will stay with me for life. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
my mother just listens to my dad and never takes my side. i just hate her.
Thank you for this article – it’s been 15yrs since I lost my mom and it’s something that I’ll forever carry with me. This was definitely a bit helpful
This is a beautiful article. Although my father died 35 years ago, there is still a wound. You’ve helped me see something different. Thank you.
I lost my Mom in January this year. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 10 years ago. She lived with me & we walked through this vicious disease together. It took her mobility, her speech & her dignity. She was my Mom, best friend & in the end my baby. She remained at home & passed at home with family. I took care of her with help of caregivers while continuing to work each day. I ran on 2 hours of sleep a night for the last year. I functioned on adrenaline alone. In the end…I wanted to crawl in the bed & go with her. Losing her has left the most jagged hole in my heart. One that will never heal. It’s like my anchor to this world disappeared. I go to counseling. I pray every day. I hug my dog close. Spend time with love ones & family. I stay busy & look for the beauty in each day. I miss her every single minute of the day. I am trying to live my life as she would want me to… live love & laugh. Your article speaks to me. Life is harder than one can sometimes imagine, but it’s the only one we get. Thank you for sharing.
I lost mom this month. Thank you for this article.
Peace & love
My mum passed away 15 days back…your article made me realize I was not being paranoid…every thing and feelings are natural…thanks God bless…
I DONT KNOW HOW I ENEDED UP HERE BUT YOU JUST TOLD MY STORY. I LOST MY MOMMA OCTOBER 8TH AFTER ALSO CARING FOR HER FOR 10 YEARS IN MY HOME. SHE ALSO HAD ALZHEIMERS. I SPENT MOST OF THE LAST 2 WEEKS OF HER LIFE, IN BED WITH HER AND I FEEL LIKE I’M LOST… I HAVE THE BIGGEST SADNESS I CAN’T EXPLAIN. I FEEL EXACTLY AS YOU SAID. THANKS, I NOW KNOW I’M NOT ALONE.
My mother passed away this month Suicide as well. I’m 21 and have been left to care for my younger siblings and it’s been so hard. This article made me realize I need time to grief because I’m trying to be so strong I’m not letting my heart mend or feel weak. I am allowed to cry and mend my heart thank you for this article.
I lost my mother last 20th November because of a stroke. I live in Germany and I had to take a last minute flight, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I can’t accept it, I know it’s part of the process. We had so many plans for Christmas and the future, as you said…getting married, having kids. I’m 30 also. I’m so broken. I keep searching how to deal with it because I just don’t feel strong enough to survive this. I can’t believe how I had everything in my life and one day life took her from me forever. It’s devastating.
I would have accept it being 90 years old and with grandchildren, but not now…it has been TOO SOON.
Sending you lots of love.
Thank you.
Hi… I lost my mom on 27th Mar 2020.. it was a sudden traumatic accident… I feel I could’ve avoided it and I feel worthless for letting my mom suffer alone as my father is blind and he was with her when it happened and he couldn’t save her too…though me and my husband rushed as soon as I got a call from neighbour I couldn’t save her.. she left us that midnight after suffering a lot…it’s a nightmare everyday for my dad too…we both are struggling a lot to cope up with this…my mom was feeling low few months back before her death as she felt alone with blind husband…She was very dependent on her son and he was abroad when this happened…she always thought she was left out…me and my dad tried so many ways to make her feel she is not alone…was trying hard to bring her back to live a happy life..kept telling that I’m there with them..but it was too late…God is cruel…he took away my mom so soon…She strived all her life for us…HE din give me a chance to bring my joyful young and energetic
mom back…HE made her suffer more than she deserved…I felt I don’t deserve happiness too… reading your post today felt there might be a way and I’m not the only one to feel like this…
I lost my mom last Saturday night, 3/27/21. I definitely relate to the Joan Didion quote—it is not what I thought it would be. My mom was sick with COPD and still smoked for ten years. She was in and out of the hospital constantly. She used to call me and say she was at her “home away from home” (the hospital). In December she passed out for some reason and was in her apartment unconscious for a whole day. For years I would say to myself, “The only thing that will take her out of her misery is death.” And I thought I would be pretty peaceful with her dying. But I’m not. It hit me that she won’t call me anymore. She won’t laugh anymore. I don’t get to talk to her anymore. That makes me feel a loss so real and powerful I have never experienced. And yeah, I just cry randomly and all the time.
I lost my mother 11/18/2020 it is the worst thing that has ever happen to me words can’t describe how much i miss her smile and laugh even when she would get upset and start yelling at me. My mother was a fighter to the end she didnt let the breast cancer hold her back from anything. Tomorrow is her birthday she would have been 64 if she was still here i know i would be running with kinds of ideas trying to make sure she has a better birthday and gifts then last year. The other day i heard some good news from a family member and i said to myself let me call my mom and tell her then i realize I can’t everyday i wish that i was just dreaming and my mom Is at her house in her garden enjoying the sun. i miss alot accepting her passing is not an option for me
I LOVE YOU MOM
Thank you for the article, I always think of my mom, she is always going to be a part of me and I hate it when people to me to let go of the past. I can’t let her memory in the past, I still love her so much and sometimes I really feel like I can’t live without her. I feel completely lonely and she was so loving and wonderful and the person I love most. It’s been 7 years since she died from cancer. I’m 17years old right now and I hope I can find a happy life with this whole in my heart.
Hi,
My mum died very unexpectedly 4 weeks ago which i also witnessed in the hospital with two other close family members.
I am lucky enough to have many siblings and my dad still.
I found your article to be very helpful. I have searched online so many times but this without a doubt is the best advice as you talk about what happened to you AFTER your mother died.
Thank you so much and keep up the good work.
I am just now seeing this post. You are not alone. I hope you are finding some peace. It’s been a year & 3 months for me & it is still a roller coaster. Better days than before, but dark times come out of nowhere. What gets me through the most, is just knowing how lucky I was & blessed to have such an amazing mother. Our bond can’t be separated by death. It’s bigger than that. Pray hard & love deep. See the beauty & light in each day & share that with whomever ever you can. My mom showed me the beauty & now it’s our turn to pay it forward. Peace & love.
I’m so sorry that you lost your Mom at such a young age. It is never long enough. My mom was 80 when she passed and I still wish, I could have her here just one more day. You are so young, with your whole life ahead of you. Just try to keep in mind that the hole in your heart, represents how deep and how much you loved her. It’s beautiful in it’s own twisted way. I hope that we will see them again. I hope that you find peace and find things you are passionate about in this life. Go after them. Live, love & laugh.
this was a one of the best and most complete articles concerning this most painful and baffling experiences .thanks Peter green
Thank you. This was great, kept it green for me, but also reminded me to let go! ✌🏽
Just read back on this. I hope you are doing well.
Don’t let this post die
Heyy hii. So I was 18 when my mom died of cardiac arrest( kidney failure). It was shocking as I didn’t expect it. The first year was very hard. I used to push people away, would rush home after college just to sit alone at home with my dog and cry. I didn’t know what to do. And yes, you start self doubting. I had gotten really lonely. I never thought I could survive this. I used to be short of breath (I guess psychosomatic). I miss talking to my mom. I used to and I still think my mom would miss my graduation, the major milestones in my life she should definitely have been a part of. It’s been 2years now. We fought hard. Things are better. But her vacuum is still going to be there. I can relate so much to this post. Thankyou so much❤️
Yeah I lost my mom this Nov 8th 2019….She was a heartpatient since my 6th standard all the while taking medication. …used to get admitted in the Hospital seriously atleast 3 times, but somehow my prayers and my siblings prayers did save her…..because we very badly need her throughout our life…..i am thd youngest to my mom…..i miss her a lot…..i very badly want her back…..more than my elder brother and sister they too want my mom….but i used to irritate get make her shout at me….play mischieve with her…..i feel I should not spent time with friends or BF….as well…..it is more worthy spending time with our beloved mom rather than anyone else in the world…..i treated her well but still i feel I should have treated her like a queen bcoz her love, care and affection were more than anything in this world and the sacrifices she did to us was a huge sacrifice….even though she has pain and tiredness she used to care us a lot till her last breath…..she used to talk to me, my bro and my sis to reach home safe….to know the whereabout h we are….but now i miss her….it was like someone took our mom within a fraction of second from us…..i wish i could have given more kisses to her, hugged her a lot….made her dreams come true…bought her something she wanted when she was longing to buy…..many things i regret after her death….if there is a rebirth i wish God could send her back to our family….so atleast we can have her back and give her more affection and grow her up like a queen….I wish to be her daughter in all my rebirths….this is what i can pray for her…..missing her each and everyday…..i love her a lot….i cannot divert my mind to forget herbcoz she is the one who made us all….the comfort…the things…the job…the earnings everything is bcoz of her….so i will keep her alive in my heart and in.my mind…with her beautiful smile and kind and soft words….i keep going on and on in my life to complete my life till my last breath….
I love u my dear mom
Srividhya
Hello, tomorrow marks two years without my mom. She passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at 47; I was 23. I’ve revisited this post (and many others) in times when I need comfort and community. Thank you so much for sharing.
It has been over a year since my mom passed. I was 19 and she was 54. Every single day feels like a battle. I have no one in my life that understood me like my mom did. I always felt alone but knowing that so many of you are in a similar situation makes me feel a bit more at ease.
So many lovely comments which bring me a lot of comfort so I would like to share my story also; my mum died 4 weeks ago, at age 55, very suddenly from a heart attack. I am 22, and feel as though my relationship with my mum was starting to blossom into a new, exciting stage. I feel robbed of the years I could have had with her, but I am also grateful for the wonderful things we got to do together. I lost my brother when I was 19, he was only 24, so I am glad my mother is with him now, they’ll have a lot to catch up on! God bless everyone on their healing journeys xx
Thank you for this article. I lost my mom too last May 1, 2020 and it was my sister’s birthday. It was so hard because of the situation, me and my sister were at the hospital saw how my mom died, i didnt expect that it was her last day because she seems ok. It really breaks my heart because losing her, im so closed to her than with my sister. She made me what i am today, she raised me well even without the support of my father because they were separated when i was 5 years old. I missed her so much. I felt guilt when passed away because i didnt have enough time to check with her because i was to busy of my work as policeman fighting this pandemic keeping everyone safe in the expense of less time of the family. She just kept her illness without letting me know. If ive known it earlier, she could have been live today. My mom died due to Cardiac arrest secondary to gastriculcer bleeding and AKI. Thank you for sharing this at least it helps me coping my grief.
Beautiful post…I had always asked people who lost their mothers about their feelings and grief and pain but I could never understand the agony they had endured until it fell upon me. I lost my mother last week, I am in Pakistan and it was the second day of eid. minute feels like a knife stabbed into my heart. Every where I look I can only see her face. It’s extremely painful to admit that she isn’t with me anymore. It was sudden and I couldn’t do anything to save her… sometimes it feels that I can’t take it anymore and I start looking for means to kill myself. I can’t sleep at night
Loreal here. Thank you so much for this article. I lost my mom April 22, 2020 she was 85… I feel lost sad alone and dead inside. Today was a bad day I lost my older bro 46 yrs ago today he was only 20 ,I was 17 … so with missing my bro and my mom I could barely get through today. Not sure if anyone here has ever seen the movie It’s A Wonderful Life … it’s an old Xmas movie but there is a scene in it where James Stewart the main character in in a bar … crying choking praying to the lord to show him away to through a very tuff time…. it’s very moving … I felt like that all day. In tears shaking and in a ball on my bed begging for help from our Lord… I felt at my wits end …like he did in that movie then I got on line and found this post…. I held my mom when she took her last breath!! And continued to hold her an other hour after she passed … I simply could not let my best friend go! I’m 63 and a weepy mess. For 4 yrs my mom suffered with blood and bone cancer, I took care of her until the last 3 weeks of her life … she was in such pain then she went into hospice and my sister took care of her because I was in cancer treatments for cancer in my leg and throat and I could not be there. My sister had to ask me to come she was burnt out , my treatments were stopped due to covid so I went and spent the last 3 days of her life with her…the only way I knew how to let mom know it was ok to go was to let her know my bro Mark will come and take her home to heaven. As I noted above he passed 46 yrs ago at the age of 20. Told mom it’s ok to go with Mark … I’ve been in tears since mom passed and we could not have a service for her either due to covid … My heart aches so. My heart is so heavy for everyone here who has lost their mom. My god bless us all and watch over our lost loved ones. Again thank you for this article it helped me get through my day. Love is the only way.
I lost my mum 7 weeks ago. I’m devastated but know I will come out stronger. I was adopted and she was my birth mum but has always been the most important person in my life. We made our peace and said goodbye which was the most profound experience I’ve ever had. May anyone in a similar situation find their own way home.🙏🏽
I lost my mom on March 25, 2020. It was a sudden heart attack. With covid, we haven’t been able to give her a proper celebration of life or memorial yet. She was 57, I’m 30. We were sooo close. We lived together, worked together and hung out together. Everyday since losing her has been a battle. I’m grateful for the relationship that we had but also feel like I’ve been robbed of sharing my best days with her. She’ll never see me get married or be there when I have kids. She was also close with my brother, who lives with me and has health problems. We both need her so bad right now.
Reading these stories has helped to grieve and cope
❤️❤️❤️
Hii I lost my mother on the 20/02/2021.. I have to words to espress how I’m feeling.. I cry everyday and sometimes I wish I was dead too.. sometimes I blame myself for my sins that God took her away from me as a punishment.. I really hope that’s not true
Same condition.. she will not see me getting marry or me getting a baby.. my children won’t have a grandmother.its really difficult for me right now.. my mother passed away last month..
Its easy to say then to cope. My mom was with me till Nov 10th 2020. All of a sudden she fell down and had complete heart blockage leading to death. Though I also know death is the truth and reality of life which one day even I have to go through but moms are moms and no one can replace a mom no matter how hard we try. I am not able to forget her. I cry often and then pick her mobile as if she will call me and I will talk to her. One day a bee stung me and I screamed calling my mother only to realize that house is empty and no one is there ot listen to me.
I do not have any family members, and living now alone without mom is going tough. Dont know why I am waiting for my turn to come early so that I am also released from this world.
For a change I have kept stray dogs and given them shelter at home. They have now become my family and when free from my work I talk to them.
But that void is still there. No matter how I try to deceive my mind with other things. I came across this post as today I was not able to stop my tears and was looking for someone to share my thoughts. I know life alone is hard as when I will get sick or something I have no one as a support to stand by me. Anyway what God wants. He is the better known person who knows all about our feelings and who is there to care at that time. Thanks
So my mom passed away September 30 at 11:57 2021 it was a Thursday after school. She was in a coma for about 1-2 months. I thought she was getting better but since I’m 13 they didn’t want to tell me that she was getting worse. So I had no idea. Threw out those months I wasn’t allowed to visit her since I’m to young. So the only time I saw her was the day she died. I saw me mother die threw the window from outside the hospital. I still remember that everyday after school me and my family went to the hospital outside and prayed for her to get better. But they sometimes went inside and I couldn’t. Because of that the last thing I saw were 11 doctors go into my mom’s room trying to revive her. I still have those images in my head. I can’t get over it. I want to tell someone special bad but I can’t. I’ve been holding this in for so long. And I break down every time I see a mother and her daughter together. I just can’t anymore. I hate this so much. I miss her so much. I’m crying right now. I just been holding this in for so long. She still could’ve been here if the doctors took her in the first time. They refused, and because of that I’m going to grow up without a mother. I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe that she’s never going to see me graduate. Before she died I promised her that I would buy her everything she wanted. And now all I can buy her are flowers. She loved flowers so much, it’s just so hard. And everyday after school she always waited for me at the bus stopand asked about my day, but now I just keep walking. Her grave is outside my house. And everytime I see it I just can’t help but to start crying. I like to pretend that she’s still here and I go to water the flowers I planted for her, and I “talk to her” like about my future and all the cars I’m going to buy her. I just don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. I don’t have motivation to move on. I know she would want that, but I just can’t. I’m just waiting for the day I die and I meet her again. And then we can hug and walk away. And go to all the stores she likes. I can’t wait to meet her again. One day just one day, I don’t know when, but I will meet her again. I hope in my next life she will be my mother again but we live old together.
Sorry I ment right now I’m 13 but when she passed I was 12.
Thank you, this helped me alot today, one month on from losing my Mum. You really did offer new and valuable insights and wisdom- as well as affirming some things I have heard before. A refreshing and authentic read, amongst many ‘cookie cutter’ style articles on the internet. Your words are much appreciated.
This hit home with me and is very similar to my experience. I’m coming up to the 12 yr mark in a few days and your post really enlightened me, as to why I still get emotional after all this time despite some thinking I should have “gotten over it” by now.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it opened my eyes that I am very much still grieving and have only gotten to this functioning point I’m in now due to survival and necessity. I haven’t given myself time to heal as you said and I will definitely try my own method of doing so.