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It’s Okay to Cry

By in Blog, change & challenges

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” ~Charles Dickens

We have all cried, all of us, some more than others.

But today I am not here to divide us by the liters of tears we have shed.

Today I want to unite us because we are all the same.

We all feel sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated at times.

Any stay-at-home parent would understand my frustration, my misery, and my overwhelmed days.

It has eaten me up on the inside. I have been staying at home for the past seven years, looking after my kids, with no face-to-face …

Why We Shouldn’t Rush or Feel Guilty About Emotional Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

In July 2012, a conversation changed my life.

Prior to this, I had been struggling to right myself after a difficult loss. Several months had passed, yet I continued to revisit the same sad, angry place again and again. I believed the presence of these difficult emotions meant I was “doing it all wrong.”

I thought, if I could figure out why these feelings were so persistent, I could make them vanish altogether. To assist in the quest, I enlisted the help of …

5 Myths About Setting Boundaries That Steal Your Joy and Lead to Resentment

By in Blog

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

Do you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather say no? Are you inexplicably exhausted all the time? Do you often experience anger, bitterness, or resentment toward yourself or others?

I did too for a long time.

I’m a recovering people pleaser. For as long as I can remember, I desired to keep everyone around me happy. I was also very fearful of …

5 Ways to Find Peace: Life Lessons from an 8th Grade Teacher

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good Morning, and welcome to 8th grade History with Mr. Bacchus. The first thing I need everyone to do is to take out your class schedule and make sure that it says Mr. Bacchus for this period. Is there anyone who doesn’t have my name on their schedule?

No? We sure? Great!!

Now I need each one of you to take a moment and thank whoever you believe in, the powers that be, or even the magic genie that granted you this wish, because …

Post-Traumatic Growth: How Pain Can Lead to Gain

By in Blog, change & challenges

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” ~Shauna Niequist

It’s been over five years since the unexpected death of my oldest son. The first couple years were fraught with depression, despair, and a sense of hopelessness like I had never felt before. I even kept a notebook in my purse outlining the plan for how I would ultimately end my life.

It wasn’t until this past year that I told my friends about how close I had been to the edge. After outing myself, I found out they …

There’s Purpose in Pain and a Gift in Every Loss

By in Blog, change & challenges

“There’s a bit of magic in everything and loss to even things out.” ~Lou Reed

Although I have spent years training myself to reverse my own anxiety, I have only left survival mode in the last couple of months, and am learning what that feels like and to be comfortable fully trusting that my children and I are taken care of.

I am at my goal of better than fine, but I’ve never been here before. And while I know my work is in the interim of where I’ll end up, I am learning to appreciate where I am in …

How to Get Closure When Your Ex Won’t Speak to You

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If you are brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” ~Paul Coehlo

Why won’t they call? Can’t they just have the conversation? What’s wrong with them? What did I do to deserve this treatment? Did I mean nothing?

Have you asked yourself these questions at the end of a relationship? I know I have. Actually, I was asking myself these very questions about six months ago. What do you do at the end of a relationship when it doesn’t really feel over or you aren’t ready for it to be done?

First there …

Why I Won’t Tell You to Stop Caring About What Other People Think

By in Blog, love & relationships

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” ~Mark Twain

I almost didn’t dye the tips of my hair purple a couple years ago because I was so worried about what other people might think. While changing my hair color was something new for me, basing my decisions on other people’s opinions was not.

I tend to look to others for clues about how I should think and act. Sometimes this shows up in small things, like opinions about movies, music, or clothes. Even when asking big life questions, however, my first impulse is often to wonder what …

Are You Showing Up in the World as Your Best Self?

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” ~Robert Kennedy

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to take a yoga class at San Quentin State Prison in Northern California.

I had visited the prison before, attending other classes, with inmates, on anger management and a class based on …

How to Feel Good In Your Skin: 7 Powerful Lessons on Beauty

By in Blog, happiness & fun, healthy habits

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” ~Proverb

I struggled with body image for years while I was living in Europe because I have a very fair complexion, oily skin, and thin hair.

During my childhood, people would look at me and comment on how pale I looked and ask my mother if I was anemic. Later on, as I was growing up, people who met me would ask if I was ill, or they would say that I look exhausted, tired, and weak.

It was most difficult during the summers, when there was always a social pressure …

Why We Shouldn’t Force Advice on People & What Actually Helps

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~Stephen R. Covey

This is a post about listening.

I know it’s really unsexy. It’s a topic that’s like the sun; nobody looks directly at it. But you want to create deep and lasting connections with others, and real changes for your loved ones, right?

Right. Stick with me.

Think about your typical day. How often do you listen in a conversation with others without being fully present?

Go on, be honest.

You find that you float in and out of awareness. Certain …

Why Insecurity & Approval-Seeking Lead to Unhealthy Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” ~Robert Holden

As a child I was carefree and enthusiastic. Aren’t most kids? At some point, though, life began to impact me and to affect how I felt about myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was a chubby kid. I began using food as a means of coping, and my family didn’t seem to see it as an issue. Coming from an Italian family, food was correlated with love.

As I moved into my adolescent years, being chubby was no longer “cute,” and other …

7 Clues You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You don’t let go of an unhealthy relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you finally start caring about you.” ~Charles Orlando

Most of us have experienced the pain of being in an unhealthy relationship.

It took me a long time to admit that I was in one. When I finally took off the rose-tinted glasses, I saw my relationship for what it was: an exhausting, lonely experience, with no real long-term benefits, that sucked the life out of me.

I recognized that the relationship was causing me to feel worse about myself, not better, resulting …

Two Lists You Need to Make If You Want to Be True to Yourself

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” ~Alexander Hamilton

For over a decade I worked as a paralegal in the corporate world. I worked hard, and I was a dedicated employee, but I was treated poorly by my superiors.

After a decade of working in this industry I felt lost, without purpose, and I constantly dreaded the next day when I would return to my job.

One day, an attorney that I had worked for came into my office and screamed at me, leaving me in tears.

At that moment I politely shut my office …

How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things.” ~Unknown

Years ago, my family and I moved to a bucolic little town in New Zealand, where we were immediately swept up into a group of ex-pats and locals. We felt deeply connected to this community by the time I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in the local hospital.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur. Twenty-four hours later, he died.

In the days and weeks that followed, I wandered in my own fog of grief as I went …

10 Powerful Tips for Building a Deep, Lasting Love

By in Blog, love & relationships

“We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.” ~Phyllis Koss

The priest at our wedding advised us, “It’s not enough to say, ‘I want to marry you’ just today. You’ve got to be able to say that every day.”

Problems and challenges in life can be like the wind, which blows unpredictably. You can’t control the wind, but you can learn to set your sails and to make repairs.

We’ve now been married for thirty years. Life, with all its ups and downs, has taught us a few lessons about building a lasting romance.

Here are ten tips …

3 Things We Can All Do to Create Stronger, Happier Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Love is the absence of judgment.” ~Dalai Lama

I used to be one of those moms.

Let me explain.

I was a single mom for literally my daughter’s entire childhood. That’s okay—I was a control freak, so it really suited me. I got to make all the decisions. Perfect!

And it was
 for me. Not so much for my daughter, but then in those days I was only focused on getting through the day and paying the bills.

We coped. I made the rules, set the boundaries, and expected her to tow the line.

Which she mostly did, …

Why We Need to Stop Judging Our Feelings

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Your emotions are meant to fluctuate, just like your blood pressure is meant to fluctuate. It’s a system that’s supposed to move back and forth, between happy and unhappy. That’s how the system guides you through the world.” ~Daniel Gilbert

As a highly sensitive person I experience emotions very deeply, though it’s not usually obvious to others that I’m having such strong internal reactions.

For those not familiar with this trait, high sensitivity is not a defect or a personality flaw; it simply means that you experience sensory and emotional input more strongly than non-sensitive people.

Of course, this …

You Are Not Responsible for Anyone Else’s Emotions

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” ~Eckhart Tolle

“I don’t believe you,” I jutted out my chin like a petulant toddler. Collapsing back into the tufted leather loveseat, I conceded, “I want to believe you, but I can’t.”

My therapist had just explained to me that I am not responsible for regulating other people’s emotions. My mind couldn’t process this truth.

There were too many decades of owning the moods of those around me.

In my younger years, if a parent was stressed, I felt it was up to me to calm them down. …

Stop Chasing Happiness: 17 Alternative Ways to Live Your Best Possible Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“If only we’d stop trying to be happy we’d have a pretty good time.” ~Edith Wharton

I have a question for you.

What would you be willing to sacrifice to be happy?

Would you be happy to let go of Netflix? Alcohol? Pizza?

Would you be willing to take up a monastic life?

Every single day of the year we’re being sold happiness. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in the form of a pill or a book or a holiday, the underlying idea is the same: What we have to sell you will make you happy.

The problem with …