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How Defensive Pessimism Can Help Ease Your Worries

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.” ~Corrie Ten Boom

You know if you’re a worrier.

You worry about all kinds of negative things happening, without any evidence that they’re likely to happen.

I’m a recovering worrier.

It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve become conscious of the extent of my worry and the impact it has on me, and of how ineffective it is.

My worry paralyzes me, making it hard to think, plan, or act.

But, as anyone who is prone to worry knows, worry can feel …

You Never Know How Much Time You Have, So Forgive While You Can

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.” ~Corrie ten Boom

I sat next to my stepmother Elaine in her hospital room. I was thirteen. We’d met six years prior as she took a stepmother’s role and had a strained relationship and didn’t speak to each other for parts of it.

Elaine was facing terminal brain cancer. So far she had kept herself together and composed, remaining strong on the outside. I was trying my hardest to do the same for her.

It had all started back when I was seven and my dad took …

What to Do When Someone You Love Is Sick and Struggling

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.” ~Unknown

As a graduate student in public health, I spent my days talking about illness and death. Normal lunchtime conversations among students covered topics like: how to define a case of multiple sclerosis, the most effective strategy to stop HIV transmission among injection drug users, and the probability you’d be alive in five years after a breast cancer diagnosis.

None of this talk about illness remotely prepared me for the experience of illness. I was blissfully naive when I started dating a man named Evan with a cough …

How to Tame Your Inner Critic: A Simple Habit to Rewire Your Brain

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“I acknowledge my own worth. My confidence is growing.” ~Unknown

Sometimes I feel like a spider whose web is repeatedly torn down. I plan something and start taking action. Then life happens, and setbacks threaten to sap my energy and enthusiasm.

Whenever I take on too much, I can feel as if I’m juggling a million balls. And doing it badly.

You’ve probably seen T-shirts saying, “Things are a bit crazy around here.” That could easily describe me when I allow myself to become overloaded.

It’s easy to feel stressed and to slip into harsh self-criticism. Especially when I hold …

5 Things I Wish I Did When Dating an Addict

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.” ~Kimberly Jones

I was finally in a solid place when I met my now-ex-boyfriend earlier this year. I had created some healthy habits for myself and was fully recovered from the eating disorder that had ruled my life for eight years prior.

Things had turned around completely for me, as now I was getting my first novel published and had a flourishing greeting card line.

When I first met my ex, who I’ll call Alex, it was love at first sight. I was completely infatuated with this …

5 Life-Changing Realizations About Fear and Anxiety

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” – Isabel Allende

I was lying on the sofa in my tiny flat in Vienna.

My feet were elevated on a cushion and the room was spinning in a brisk waltz around me. My stomach was cramping and cold sweat was trickling down my spine. I gasped for air whenever choking fear forced my racing heart to skip a couple of beats.

The situation was all too familiar.

Back then I suffered from generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety. I was also plagued …

6 Toxic Thoughts That Keep You Battling with Food

By in Blog, healthy habits

“Eating is not a crime. It’s not a moral issue. It’s normal. It’s enjoyable. It just is.” ~Carrie Arnold

Like many women, I was introduced to diet “tricks” and “hacks” at a young age. In my case, that was around twelve to thirteen years old.

I consumed magazines and movies that constantly reminded me about the importance of dieting, losing weight, and looking skinny.

As a self-conscious teenager, I began to compare myself to the women in music videos with flat bellies, the slim actresses in movies, and models in magazines with their perfect “beach bodies.”

This self-consciousness only grew …

5 Simple but Powerful Practices for a Happier, More Present Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“There is nothing else than now. There is neither yesterday, certainly, nor is there any tomorrow. How old must you be before you know that?” ~Ernest Hemingway

It was a Wednesday afternoon, just like any other. I’d spent the last three hours bent over my laptop at a coffee shop, trying to nail down the revisions to a research report that was already three days late.

I’d been distracted all afternoon, checking my e-mail every five minutes for news about a proposal I’d submitted a few weeks earlier. When I’d found nothing to satisfy me in my inbox, I’d stumble …

How I Changed My Life by Remembering Who I Was Before the Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.” ~Unknown

For a skinny, curly haired five-year-old girl, life was magical.

Buried in books and living in my imagination, I was constantly scribbling stories and dreaming of far away places. My inquisitive mind and persistent curiosity led me further than I ever thought possible. I was a little girl with big dreams, in a world where nothing seemed impossible, where life was bliss.

Then school started.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, at times it was horrifying. And not academically, no, I enjoyed it very much. But being different and not trying to …

Awaken Your Creative Side: Interview with Melissa Dinwiddie and Book Giveaway

By in Blog, happiness & fun

UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway are Alba and Nette Jordan.

Like most of us, I spent much of my childhood creating, making everything from finger paintings and friendship bracelets to leaf collages and Lego castles.

I also spent weeks rehearsing for community theater performances and hours writing poems and stories, with no thought of whether I could make money off any of it.

I created because it was fun and fulfilling, and that alone was enough.

Then, like many of us, I got caught up adulting and began spending far more time working and worrying than imagining and playing.…

Surviving Loss: You Always Have Choice

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, love & relationships

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” ~Stephen Covey

One ordinary night after an ordinary day of work and family, I went to bed a mother, wife, teacher, writer-person.

I remember falling asleep between sentences exchanged with my husband after an evening spent with just the two of us on our patio, something we rarely seemed to find the time to do in our busy lives. We promised each other that we’d make a concerted effort to have more of these “dates.”

The next morning, on what was supposed to be another …

The Key to Peace: Let Go of What “Should” Be and Accept What Is

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” ~Wayne Dyer

Many of my friends are getting married and engaged, and when I compare myself to them I feel that I’ve somehow fallen behind. I scroll through my social media accounts and feel that my life is not as exciting or meaningful as theirs.

This belief of inferiority moves me out of the present moment and into a turbulent stream of fear that I won’t live up to what I perceive others have lived up to, …

Emotional Pain Doesn’t Go Away When You Numb It (with Alcohol or Anything Else)

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Making a big life change is pretty scary. But know what’s even scarier? Regret.” ~Zig Ziglar

It had been a long day at work. I’d had to work with new people, which always got my anxiety going, and had to put out a few fires. By the end of the day, I climbed into my car shaking on the outside and screaming on the inside. Sounds, light, and smells were like battering rams to my senses and my internal pressure was reaching explosive levels.

I had a prearranged dinner with my mom and sister at a local restaurant, …

The Two Biggest Mistakes Newly Single People Make

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” ~Russ von Hoelscher

If you’re single right now, this is your moment. And by single I mean not dating, not sleeping with people, and not engaged in romantic mingling of any kind. I mean truly single.

When we’re truly single we have a chance to transform like never before. We have the opportunity to face into our pain, transmute it, and turn our heartbreak into our greatest lesson.

Two of …

The Healing Power of Self-Care in a World of Chronic Stress and Anxiety

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” ~Lao Tzu

I’ve always lived with a low hum of anxiety in the background, and lately it’s been harder to keep a lid on it.

There are a lot of things to be anxious about these days. We live in a complex and stressful world and anxiety is very common, affecting upwards of 20% of the population. Some experience manageable levels; for others, anxiety and chronic stress can be debilitating and self-destructing.

Truth is, we have good reasons to be stressed out. We work too much; we don’t take enough …

5 Lessons from a Dating Detox (for Anyone Who’s Looking for Love)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Sometimes when you lose your way, you find yourself.” ~Mandy Hale

Ever since I can remember, I was determined, even desperate, to find love. My life felt empty and lonely.

I wanted to be happy and feel loved. I believed everything would be all right if only I had my man.

For years my self-esteem was non-existent. I had no clue how to build a relationship with a man. I had no boundaries. I felt unworthy and unlovable.

I started dating online. I kept meeting different men and occasionally I would meet someone who I would see for a …

Getting to Know Yourself: 5 Ways to Discover Your Joyful True Nature

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~Aristotle

Four years ago I left a corporate career, belongings, a nice home, and family and friends, ejecting myself from the outer world and fiercely diving into an inner journey.

Jumping into the deep end of the pool—an inner terrain I was wildly unfamiliar with, having been very oriented to the outer world—has been quite the adventure.

I wasn’t totally sure what I would be looking for (myself possibly?), but something about the way I had been living my daily life, with angst in the backdrop, told me that this was …

The Truth Behind Judging Others and Why We Do It

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Judging is preventing us from understanding a new truth. Free yourself from the rules of old judgments and create the space for new understanding.” ~Steve Maraboli

For a long time, I was a judgmental person. I would look at other people walking along the street—who had no idea I was even paying them any attention—and make all kinds of comments based on their appearance, their dress sense, the way they talk, walk, their weight—anything that took my fancy.

“She shouldn’t be wearing that skirt—it’s too short.”

“She should focus on losing weight, not scarfing down that bar of chocolate.”

“Her …

6 Questions to Help You Love Yourself More When It Feels Impossible

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

In 2012, self-love became the most important thing in my life. After self-loathing and addiction led me to rock bottom, there was nowhere to go but up. When someone asked me last year how long I’d been on the self-love journey, I counted back from 2012. That’s when I thought it began.

In my old journals, however, I recently found something strange and incredible—my self-love journey started long before I thought it had. Years prior to hitting rock bottom, I’d been having the same …

3 Steps to a Happier Life: Interview with Kristi Ling and Book Giveaway

By in Blog, happiness & fun

The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

  • Stuart Dods
  • Sheldon Dwyer

People often tell us we have to choose to be happy, but what they don’t always tell us is how.

How do we choose happiness when we’re dealing with life’s everyday struggles and devastating traumas and tragedies?

How can we choose happiness when we’re grappling with persistent negative thoughts and overwhelming emotions?

What exactly do we need to do—or not do—to overcome our challenges and demons and experience more joy in our daily lives?

Tiny Buddha contributor Kristi Ling, a renowned happiness strategist and …