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Kindness Isn’t Weakness (and We Need It to Survive)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~Leo Buscaglia

Many of us are brought up today to look after number one, to go out and get what we want—and the more of it we can have, the better.

Our society preaches survival of the fittest and often encourages us to succeed at the expense of others.

I was no different, and while I noticed a tendency to feel sorry for …

7 Misconceptions That Keep You from Achieving Peace of Mind

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“There is no greater wealth in this world than peace of mind.” ~Unknown

Achieving (and keeping) peace of mind is high on my priority list, yet my choices didn’t always reflect this, particularly when it pertained to my work.

Over time, I realized that I needed to change to live a more peaceful life.

If you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated, it may be time to bust a few misapprehensions. Here are a few of the main ones that compromised my peace of mind.

1. Money will make me happy.

I formerly considered money and material possessions to be …

How to Start Liking Your Body More (Just as It Is)

By in Blog, healthy habits, love & relationships

“Body love is more than acceptance of self or the acceptance of the body. Body love is about self-worth in general. It’s more than our physical appearance.” ~Mary Lambert

This past week, I got married.

For me, this symbolized not only a new chapter in my life with a partner, but also a new chapter in life with myself.

Here, in this new chapter, I officially left behind the woman who was constantly trying to mold herself into whatever she needed to be to (hopefully) be accepted and loved by a partner.

And instead, I found the woman who was …

Overcoming Defensive Thinking: If You Try to Avoid Criticism, Read On

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“We are used to thinking of thinking as a good thing, as that which makes us human. It can be quite a revelation to discover that so much of our thinking appears to be boring, repetitive, and pointless while keeping us isolated and cut off from the feelings of connection that we most value.” ~Mark Epstein

I grew up with parents who seemed to love me until I was eight but then turned on me inexplicably.

Suddenly, my father would hit me, two knuckles on top of my head, yelling, “Why don’t you listen?”

My parents gave me grudging credit …

Why I No Longer Need to Be the Best at Everything I Do

By in Blog, letting go

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.
” ~Abraham Lincoln

As a child, my father always told me, “At everything you do, you have to be number one.” I tried. In some ways, I succeeded. I got high grades. Sometimes, the highest. Sometimes, I got awards.

I became an expert at figuring out other people’s expectations and meeting them. This got me approval, but it never made me happy. I wasn’t passionate about grades, awards, or …

How I Prioritize and Take Care of Myself Without Feeling Selfish

By in Blog, healthy habits

“I am worthy of the best things in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.” ~Louise Hay

Looking back on my life, I see that for a long time I struggled to take care of my own wants and needs and didn’t make them a priority. I used to find that very uncomfortable, and sometimes even selfish. I was a master of giving, but I faced serious obstacles to receiving.

By nature, I am a nurturer. I find tremendous joy and fulfillment in giving, so the old me used to offer plenty of time and energy to …

How a 10-Day Silent Retreat Helped Heal My Grieving Heart

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“In a retreat situation, you are forced to come face to face with yourself, to see yourself in depth, to meet yourself.” ~Lama Zopa Rinpoche

When I was at university, doing a ten-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat was considered a hardcore rite of passage only the toughest among us attempted. Those who lasted the distance referred to it as a “mind-blowing” and “life-changing” experience.

“Think of how you feel after an orgasm,” a friend said when I considered finally doing a Vipassana meditation retreat to reconnect with myself after a decade in full time employment. “Imagine feeling for two months …

Sometimes the Safe Path is Not the Right Path

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist. I loved to draw, especially, and even took art classes on the weekends when I could. For fun.

Obviously, being an artist isn’t a viable career (or so everyone in my life told me in subtle and not so subtle ways), so instead of going to college to delve deeper into drawing or painting or sculpture, I went the safe route: art teacher.

Well, after a few semesters I decided I didn’t want …

A Letter to My Exes: I’m Sorry You Never Knew Me

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~BrenĂŠ Brown

To all of my ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, and especially my ex-husband, I am so sorry.

I’m sorry because I never gave you the chance to really know me. I hid myself from you. I showed you the smallest version of myself because I didn’t trust you to meet me in my strength, my bigness, and my desire. Well, in truth it was …

What My Self-Judgment Was Trying to Tell Me

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Regret is a fair but tough teacher.” ~Brene Brown

A few weeks back, I found myself in the midst of a shame hangover and, like most people, when I’m in that unique internal cavern, self-judgments swoop into my consciousness like a colony of rabid bats in a four-foot tent.

I’ll paint the picture…

There are about two or three boys that have started visiting the houses on my block recently. They hold a rag and a windex bottle, come into every yard, knock on the door, and ask to wash the front doors (most of which are glass). Seems pretty …

A Powerful Technique That Can Help Heal the Pain of Regret

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” ~Rick Warren

Regret—whether for things that you have done or things that you had no control over—can keep you frozen in the past, unable to move forward. Sadly, there are no magic wands that can turn back the hands of time and change what has happened, but despite this I believe we’re not entirely powerless to affect the past, after all.

I first began thinking of this subject when my daughter was young and having serious ongoing problems with fear. She wasn’t able to go …

How I Stopped Trying to Please Everyone and Started Prioritizing Myself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you don’t say ‘no’ to yourself.” ~Paolo Coehlo

My whole body was shaking. Tears streaming down my face, my nose blocked and throat sore from crying. Yet, no sound escaped my mouth except an occasional gentle sigh or hushed sob I was unable to control.

My husband was lying in bed next to me. I held my breath and lay motionless whenever he stirred in his sleep.

He had an early start ahead and needed rest. I didn’t want to disturb him, bother him with my silly crying fits. I didn’t want …

Free “Change Your Life” eBook

By in Blog, change & challenges

Hi friends! Last week I sent an email about a free eBook I recently contributed to. Since it’s only available for a limited time, I’m reposting that here on the blog.

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I’m excited to share that I’ve contributed to a wonderful eBook that provides actionable, life-changing tips and advice from dozens of authors and bloggers.

You can download the free eBook Change Your Life!: Experts Share Their Top Tips and Strategies for Reaching Your Highest Potential here by entering your email address.

In my story, which you’ll find on page 30, I shared how I stopped causing myself unnecessary …

When Negative Thoughts Keep You Down: How to Break the Addiction

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“We think we are our thinking, and we even take that thinking as utterly ‘true,’ which removes us at least two steps from reality itself.” ~Richard Rohr

Do you frequently obsess over worst-case scenarios? Do you struggle to think well of yourself or others? Are you frequently stressed, anxious, or depressed? You may be suffering from an addiction to your negative thoughts.

We all fall into patterns of negative thinking from time to time, often triggered by difficult circumstances or everyday stress. But when that pattern occurs over a long period of time, it can degrade our health …

To Be AND Not to Be: Honoring a Life Lost to Suicide

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“To be, or not to be—that is the question.” ~William Shakespeare

This Sunday marks one year since my friend took his own life. It both is and isn’t a big deal. It is in the sense that we like to commemorate things: one-year-old, one year at a new job, one year since 9-11, one year sober.

It isn’t in the sense that my to-do list that day includes “thaw and marinate chicken.”

When a person takes his own life, it creates a cosmic shift in the universe.

It also doesn’t.

The first few days after a person takes his own …

5 Ways Journaling Can Help You Get Through the Hard Stuff

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself. The journal is a vehicle for my sense of selfhood. It represents me as emotionally and spiritually independent. Therefore (alas) it does not simply record my actual, daily life but rather—in many cases—offers an alternative to it.” ~Susan Sontag

My first journal was born into existence when I was twelve. I remember carefully choosing my favorite comics, pictures from magazines, and the odd scribble I’d drawn. Tongue stuck out in concentration, gluing them strategically on an unused exercise book. …

How to Be There for Others Without Taking on Their Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, love & relationships

“Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” ~Melody Beattie

When our loved ones suffer, it’s hard not to get swept up in their pain. We want so desperately to fix them, to take away their hardship, and to see them flourishing.

As a control freak, I often find myself going into “fixer mode” when my partner is struggling with …

Boost Your Happiness: 10 Mindfulness Tips for Busy People

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Do you ever feel as though you would be happy if only things were a little different?

You know that happiness is important, but you keep putting it on the backburner because there simply isn’t enough time to prioritize your own inner joy.

And at the same time, you know that meditation would help, but you can’t even imagine where you’re going to get the spare time you need to sit still and meditate.

In an ideal world, we would schedule moments every day in which …

How to Get Out of Your Head and Stop Overthinking Everything

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“It’s not a matter of letting go, you would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say ‘Let it be.'” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

I always believed that a busy mind was a bad thing.

And for a large part of my life, it was.

Looking back, I don’t ever recall a time when I wasn’t caught up in my thoughts. There was always a “narrator” in my head. A constant commentary.

I tried meditating but would spend ten agonizing minutes trying desperately to push my thoughts away or make them stop, which we know is impossible. Not …

Take a Chance: Don’t Let Your Inner Saboteur Hold You Back

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“’It’s impossible,’ said pride. ‘It’s risky,’ said experience. ‘It’s pointless,’ said reason. ‘Give it a try,’ whispered the heart.” ~Unknown

On my first day back in college, I sat on a bench outside a classroom and wrote in a tiny notebook. Glancing around at the young students lining up, my sunglasses slid down my nose as I hurriedly scribbled the thoughts buzzing around in my head.

“I’m afraid of being unprepared. I’m afraid of not being smart enough. I’m afraid of being left behind in the coursework. I’m afraid of giving up like I did last time.”

As evidenced in …