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What Heartbreak Taught Me About Creating My Own Happiness

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~Stephen Chbosky

A few years ago I was completely heartbroken, and I thought I would never find love. I’d gone through a string of painful breakups over a number of years, but I thought I’d finally met someone I could be with for the long haul. I’d been dating this guy for a few months, and everything seemed to be going smoothly, until one day he stopped calling. Just like that, he disappeared from my life. It was as if we had never met.

What was worse, he didn’t tell me why …

Sensitivity Means Passion, Not Weakness

By in Blog, change & challenges

“The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden. It doesn’t make unlovable, undesirable, or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. “ ~Daniell Koepke

A while back, during one of my therapy sessions, I became acquainted with the word “dysthymia.”

I was puzzled at first, but as my therapist dug deeper into the subject, I realized that complex-sounding term was, in fact, a birth name to the grizzly monster that has been shadowing me for years. It’s more commonly known as persistent depressive disorder.

I can’t …

What to Do If You’re Tired of Feeling Half-Alive

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“Who you are is what you settle for, you know?” ~Janis Joplin

I spent several years in a state of light depression without noticing.

Why was it only “light”? Because I was functional: I went to work every morning, I managed to feed myself (mostly with convenience food, but still). My house was reasonably livable, though far from sparkling clean. And I wasn’t particularly sad, nor was I ever even remotely suicidal. It was simply like my life had been wrapped in a thick layer of cotton wool, with nothing much ever getting through to me.

Why didn’t I …

What to Ask Yourself When You Feel Overwhelmed, Stressed, or Anxious

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Clear your mind. Your heart is trying to tell you something.” ~Unknown

Words have incredible power. I’d like to share three little words that can unlock your inner magic. They can help you cut through the layers that stand in the way of your inner truth and help you get in touch with your highest self. The peaceful, compassionate, loving self that knows what you need in any given moment and wants to bring goodness to the world.

But I better tell you now that they are simple words that may not seem earth shattering at first.

These words have …

When You Feel Like You’re Going Nowhere and Life Has No Point

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~Wayne Dyer

How many days do you wake up feeling like you’re a hamster on a wheel? You brush your teeth, take a shower, drink your coffee, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch television, go to bed, and rinse and repeat.

Do you wonder how you can keep going and keep everything together when it feels like you’re doing nothing, going nowhere, and living some life you weren’t meant for?

Do you ever wonder what to do on those days where you feel …

Yes, I Am Afraid to Fly, But I Won’t Let My Fear Control Me

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” ~Susan Jeffers

Let’s do a thought exercise together.

I have flown, I don’t know two or four times a year since I was eighteen and a few times before that, and I am now almost thirty-seven. On the low end that puts me around forty times. On the high ends that is, what seventy-five times in my life? Let’s split the difference and say I have flown fifty-five times because I have never kept track of things like that.

Also, I have jumped out of planes before. Yep, it was beautiful, and seriously …

Trust Your Intuition: If It Feels Like a No, It’s a No

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“You will never follow your own inner voice until you clear up the doubts in your mind.” ~Roy T. Bennett

One evening my husband and I decided that we, along with our daughter, would go together to a neighboring town about thirty minutes away the following morning. He had an errand to run, and I was going to take our daughter to a nearby playground.

The morning arrived, and as I thought about it, I had a wave of feeling/thought that said, “I don’t really want to go,” or maybe it was more like, “I’d rather just stay around here …

Freeing Your Truest Self When You’re Anxious to Please

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Stress, depression, and anxiety are caused when we are living to please others.” ~Paulo Coehlo

I came from a broken and very poor family. My father left the house during my teenage years, and it was just my mother, little brother, and I remaining.

Like most single parents going through the hardships of singlehandedly caring for two children, my mother was often anxious about my well-being. And she overcompensated for her anxiety by being overbearing.

I unfortunately inherited this anxiety.

For the longest time, it was a daily battle for me.

You know the feeling.

Your muscles tense up, you …

Our Shame Does Not Have to Silence Us Unless We Let It

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“Empathy’s the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” ~ BrenĂ© Brown

There is so much power in giving yourself a voice; in choosing to use that voice for truth; in giving life to the secrets, judgment, and shame you keep hidden away. “Me too” can change someone’s life.

I learned this firsthand almost a decade ago. It changed my life, and it’s changed countless others around me.

I gave my shame a voice and she was loud, strong, and bold. She brought light to a secret others would have preferred I kept. …

When You Keep Giving Up on New Habits That Are Good for You

By in Blog, healthy habits

“If you have a bad day, remember that tomorrow is a wonderful gift and a new chance to try again.” ~Bryant McGill

As I crawled back into bed after hitting the snooze button, my eyes heavy with sleep, I told myself, “You gave up once more” and rolled over back to sleep, annoyed with myself.

Two months earlier, inspired by the book The Miracle Morning, by Hal Erold, I had taken the habit of getting up early (around 5am) every day to meditate for fifteen minutes, write for thirty minutes, and exercise for thirty minutes.

When I started the …

Why Social Media and My Addictive Personality Don’t Mesh

By in Blog, healthy habits

Twitter didn’t give me the flu or bronchitis, but it made me sick. Unhealthy. Ill-feeling. And it could have been any social media platform that did it, I just happened to have chosen Twitter.

For years I avoided creating any sort of social media account. I complained to companies the old-fashioned way: calling or emailing customer service. I didn’t need to know what people I wasn’t in touch with in real life were doing.

As someone who was married and not dating, there simply wasn’t the requirement to be on any kind of social media. With two kids, I spent …

How Failure Holds the Key to a Meaningful, Successful Life

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Perfectionism doesn’t believe in practice shots.” ~Julia Cameron

Within each of us lurks a perfectionist. And perfectionists set themselves up for a lot of pain in life.

How so? I’ll come to that.

First let me describe how our first child took her first step. She was less than ten months old. A very bright girl, who wanted nothing less than my approval at all times.

On one occasion, a few months previous to that, she was crawling on the carpet and picked up some small thing. As she started to put it in her mouth, I called out loudly …

Why “Focus on the Bright Side” Isn’t Helpful Advice

By in Blog, change & challenges

There are so many memes and quotes out there that say, “Be positive, not negative. Focus on the bright side.” I’ve never been very good at ignoring the negatives and focusing on the positives.

Call me a critical, over-analytical over-thinker if you want, but at no point in my journey of self-love and self-discovery have I learned to ignore all my flaws, all my mistakes, all my regrets. At no point in my journey of compassion have I learned to ignore all the times that someone has hurt me or all the destruction caused by abuse. That never felt right …

Why No One Else Can Make Me Feel Insignificant

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Significance.

A phenomenon most of us only notice once we lose it.

If you’re like me, you’ve had (and could still have) a love/hate relationship with significance. Simply because it often seemed so elusive. Just out of reach.

Our journey together started as far back as I can remember.

As the youngest of three siblings, I often felt unheard. Overlooked. Ignored. Insignificant.

I thought it was normal. Didn’t all little sisters bear the same cross? Apparently not


As a young adult, I looked to my friends to …

Why Introverts Feel Drained in Groups and How I Preserve My Energy

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” ~Deepak Chopra

When I was younger, I was always referred to as “the quiet one.” I didn’t mind it; I knew I was much quieter than most people I met. Not speaking and spending time on my own was natural for me.

Friends and workmates recognized this but would still often ask me if I wanted to join them when they were going out, even though they knew I would usually say no. They understood me as quiet, but they didn’t really understand just how much I disliked …

Loving Yourself When You’ve Become Addicted to Self-Improvement

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Whatever purifies you is the right path.” ~Rumi  

I’m tired of being good. It’s time to be deliciously free.

How I wish I could say that without rushing in to assure you that I promise I’ll still be good.

The truth is, I worry. Less than I used to, but still, I do.

I’ve probably had every kind of worry you could imagine. There’s the kind about things that haven’t happened yet, things that didn’t but very nearly could have, things that are highly unlikely if not impossible, things that are commonplace; I’ve worried about the things I want and …

Maybe It’s Not All Good or All Bad

By in Blog, change & challenges

“You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather.” ~Pema Chödrön

A farmer has a horse for many years; it helps him earn his livelihood and raise his son. One day, the horse runs away. His neighbor says sympathetically, “Such bad luck.”

The farmer replies, “Maybe. Who knows?”

The next day, the horse makes its way back home bringing with it another horse. The neighbor says with a smile, “Such good luck.”

The farmer replies, “Maybe. Who knows?”

The following day, the farmer’s son rides the new horse and seeks to tame it. In the process, he breaks his leg. …

How to Be Less Anxious About Things You Can’t Change

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“One of the happiest moments is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” ~Unknown

Over the last few years, I’ve had to deal with a frustrating problem.

It’s something that’s not uncommon, but it can be debilitating, and it has affected me every day. Some days have been incredibly tough, and they’ve tested my tolerance and my patience.

The problem is chronic back pain.

Every day I get up, knowing that throughout the day I’m going to have a discomfort that could oscillate between a mild annoyance and an intense burning. At some point, …

Why I Won’t Let the Fear of Failure Hold Me Back

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~Winston Churchill

I am scared of sharks. Often when I’m floating in the ocean on my surfboard, amazed at the vastness before me and my relative smallness in the world, my mind drifts toward what may be lurking below.

I know that I am more likely to get injured during the car ride to the beach or get struck by lightning when I get there than be attacked by a shark. I also know that, according to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission …

How Micro Habits Can Help You Reach Big Goals

By in Blog, healthy habits

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu

Many of us have big, grand goals for our lives.

These goals can be tied to our work, or maybe starting a family, or ideals for a new home with that family, or travel to an exotic location we’ve long dreamed about, or pretty much anything else. Oftentimes these goals can seem a very long way from where we are presently in our lives. In fact, sometimes they can seem so far away that they appear to be totally out of reach.

As a consequence, too …