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Why Compliments Made Me Cringe and How Iā€™ve Learned to Accept Praise

ā€œEven when the sea is stirred up by the winds of self-doubt, we can find our way home.ā€ ~Tara Brach

What is it about praise thatā€™s so hard to hear sometimes?

You know the drill. You do something noteworthy, like cooking a meal for your friends, or getting on stage to do a talk. Assuming things go okay, your friends or colleagues tell you a bunch of nice, encouraging things afterward:

ā€œThis meal is delicious!ā€

ā€œYou did great up there!ā€

And suddenly you feel uncomfortable.

Maybe you deflect those nice, encouraging words (ā€œOh it was nothing, reallyā€). Or …

How Embracing and Loving My ā€œNegativeā€ Emotions Helped Heal My Pain

“Do not fight against pain; do not fight against irritation or jealousy. Embrace them with great tenderness, as though you were embracing a little baby. Your anger is yourself, and you should not be violent toward it. The same thing goes for all your emotions.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

For a long time, heaviness and dark feelings were very familiar to me. In a strange way they were comforting; I felt safe in darkness. The light felt more painful to me, but I also wanted to change because I wanted to free myself from the limitations of staying in the dark.…

Why We Close Ourselves Off to Friendships and How to Open Up

ā€œIf you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.ā€ ~Louise Hay

Picking the flimsy gold lock on my groovy denim-covered childhood diary, I’m instantly transported back to my ten-year-old life.

Each page duly describes what I what I ate for dinner that day as well as what my two best friends and I got up to. It was 1976 and we were obsessed with Charlieā€™s Angels, cruising around ā€œundercoverā€ on our bikes, solving fresh crimes around the neighborhood.

Every couple of weeks Iā€™d report the latest drama amongst the three of us. Either my …

My Needs Matter Too: How I Started Speaking Up and Setting Boundaries

ā€œSetting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesnā€™t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring just because I donā€™t do things your way. I care about me, too.ā€ ~Christine Morgan

In my early twenties, I could shout into a megaphone at a political rally of thousands, but I couldnā€™t decline drinks from strangers at the bar. I could perform original music for an attentive audience, but I couldnā€™t tell my friends when I felt hurt by something theyā€™d said. I could start a business, advocate for new laws at City Hall, and share deeply personal poetry on Facebook, …

Slow, Imperfect Progress Is Better Than None at All

“When perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun, and fear is that annoying backseat driver.” BrenĆ© Brown

Sometimes I feel like the girl who cried film.

I first wrote a blog post introducing Tiny Buddha Productions three years ago, and despite my earnestness, passion, and enthusiasm, I have only one short film to show for myself.

When I was working on this short, which we filmed partly in my apartmentā€”in my bedroom, amid the worn clothes and shoes in my walk-in closet evenā€”I felt more alive and aligned than Iā€™d felt in years.

I was doing something Iā€™d wanted to …

Accepting My Autistic Self: Why Iā€™m Done Trying to Fit In

ā€œI care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.ā€ ~Charlotte BrontĆ«, Jane Eyre

A common misconception about autistic people is that we donā€™t care if weā€™re alone. Of course this varies with each person, but on the whole, itā€™s untrue. We want to feel included, itā€™s just not easy for us to fit in. There are other days when I feel autism has separated me so fully from other people that I am functioning on a different plane of existence, not just with a different …

How Getting Hit by a Bus Taught Me to Stop Worrying and Start Living

ā€œSometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand.ā€ ā€“ Hayley Williams

How often do you appreciate the pleasure of taking a deep breath? Have you stopped worrying about what the world can do to you, and instead focused on what you can do in the world? Do you actively appreciate your life, as a part of your daily routine?

Odds are you do not. I know I certainly didnā€™t, until it was nearly taken from me.

Iā€™ve been riding bicycles around New York City since I was a child. While cycling in the city used to …

When Expectations Hurt: How Iā€™ve Forgiven My Absentee Father and Healed

ā€œWhat will mess you up most in life is the picture in your head of how itā€™s supposed to be.ā€ ~Unknown

I may have said a few words that hurt my fatherā€™s feelings, butā€¦

See, hereā€™s the backstory.

Iā€™m thirty-four years old, and I started having a relationship with my biological father at age twenty-one. During my childhood years I would see him every now and then even though he lived less than three miles away from my home. I donā€™t have any memories of being with my dad for birthdays, holidays, family vacations, or even just hanging out watching …

How to Find Your Fighting Spirit When Life Gets Tough

ā€œSometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize youā€™re not just a survivor. Youā€™re a warrior, and youā€™re stronger than anything life throws your way.ā€ ~Brooke Davis

No matter how positive we are, how healthily we live, or how much kindness, generosity, or fairness we practice, shit happens. To all of us. And suddenly, we find ourselves juggling more balls than it seems humanly possible to juggle.

Iā€™ve had my share of this…

When my father died suddenly when I was in my twenties. When I was lost in a bottomless depression for two …

How Lowering Our Expectations Helps Us Do What We Really Want to Do

ā€œHuman beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.ā€ ~William James

Despite being the sort of person whoā€™s constantly generating self-improvement to-do lists, Iā€™ve never been big into making New Yearā€™s resolutions. If I make any at all, they usually occur as an afterthought, frequently after the fact, and without much in the way of any real resolution.

However, this January I suddenly decided my resolution for 2019 should be to lower my expectations.

My whole life Iā€™ve been an overachieving, Type A perfectionist. The sort of person who obsessively stresses about getting work in on time, …

Love Them Today, Before Their Tomorrowā€™s Taken Away

ā€œBefore someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today.ā€ ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski

Last year, my grandfather passed away.

He had gone to the hospital many times before. Sometimes he went for a minor sickness, sometimes for a severe condition. Unfortunately, the last time he went, we found out that he didnā€™t have much time left. He was diagnosed with last stage bladder cancer.

It was a shock to our family. My grandfather had always been a survivor. Heā€™d survived the war, the darkest moment of the country. We couldnā€™t imagine he would lose his life …

It’s Not All Love and Light: Why We Can’t Ignore the Dark and Just “Be Positive”

ā€œThe dark night of the soul comes just before revelation.ā€ ~Joseph Campbell

If you frequent Instagram or any other social media platform these days, you may notice countless posts about positivity, self-help, yoga, and green juice. And gluten-free everything.

Most of us equate these messages with spirituality and good vibes. I wonā€™t disagree. These messages do promote good vibes. But, the problem is these posts donā€™t tell the whole story, and once we log off, many of us still feel incomplete, fearful, and insecure because all of these ā€œinfluencersā€ and gurus seem to have it all figured out.

Iā€™m …

9 Lessons from my 9-Month-Old Nephew, Whoā€™s Taught Me How to Live

ā€œThe mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.ā€ ~William Arthur Ward

Oliver.

Ahh, my heart skips a beat at just the sound of his name.

In 2018, a tiny human being arrived on the planet, one who would change my life. In the short nine months my nephew Oliver has been in my life, Iā€™ve learned a lot. Iā€™m not talking about changing nappies and bottle-feeding, although Iā€™m getting to grips with these essentials too. No, Oliver has taught me valuable lessons about life itself. Here are nine of the biggest.

1.

The Invisible Effects of Social Media: When Itā€™s Time to Stop Scrolling

ā€œWhat you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.ā€ ~Unknown

Is there a more precious commodity than time? Itā€™s the currency of life; the most basic finite resource, and we have a responsibility to spend it wisely. Itā€™s up to us each individually to figure out what that means to us. For me, that means being mindful of the people, activities, and thoughts to which I give my time and energy.

I am an obsessive reader, and at any one time I have at least fifteen books checked out of the …

The Beauty of Doing Nothing: Why Iā€™ve Embraced Being Unproductive

ā€œEvery good cause is worth some inefficiency.ā€ ~Paul Samuelson

I made a mess yesterday. The mess is still there. Who knows when the mess will disappear.

The mess provided me with one of those sense-pleasing plates of food that lingers in the mind longĀ after the last bite. The kind that makes you wonder if there is a rhyme and reason toĀ our world after all. A plate of food so delectable it provided a raison for my ĆŖtre. (If only for a littleĀ while.)

But this story is not about the art of nourishing oneself. It is about …

How to Avoid Petty Fights and Get What You Need in Your Relationship

ā€œItā€™s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.ā€Ā ~Amy Poehler

It was yet another stupid argument that escalated from nothing to a hundred miles an hour in seconds. Iā€™d been there so many times before, entrenched in warfare with us both preparing our defenses and priming our attacks.

The intense emotions of the moment always took over, denying me the opportunity that hindsight would later afford me. Huge issues were, upon reflection, only minor disagreements about who had said what about the cooking, or where something had been left in the bathroom.

On this occasion, once …

We Keep Going, One Tiny Step at a Time, and We Should Be Proud

“Don’t wait until you reach your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take.” ~Karen Salmansohn

One of the greatest ironies of being human is that weā€™re often hardest on ourselves right when we should be most proud.

Letā€™s say you finally find the courage to start a dream project youā€™ve fantasized about for as long as you can remember. You push through years of built-up fears, overcome massive internal resistance, and take the leap despite feeling like youā€™re jumping through a ring of fire, above a pit filled with burning acid.

Itā€™s one of …

What to Ask Yourself When You Feel Lost, Unsure, or Confused

“The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself.” ~Tony Robbins

I am naturally inclined to doā€”to go, to move, to take action. Slowing down takes a lot of patience for me. But I often find that moving too quickly actually causes me more confusion.

One day, my head felt overwhelmed with questions. What had started with a simple idea of little ole me living in a tiny house on wheels (one of those under 200 square feet homes built on a trailer) had turned into a big undertaking …

Overcoming Intergenerational Trauma: We Can Break the Cycle of Abuse

“Our ancestors knew that healing comes in cycles and circles. One generation carries the pain so that the next can live and heal. One cannot live without the other, each is the other’s hope, meaning and strength.” ~Gemma B. Benton

I thought I had no value, my opinion meaningless. My sense of self was decimated. Finally, I got angry and attacked.

“You can’t imagine the pain you’ve put me through!” I yelled. “You don’t even know who I am. You can’t see it. You’re refusing to take responsibility for the way you raised me! Not thinking is not an excuse! …

Why Having Your Sh*t Together Is Overrated (and Misunderstood)

“Itā€™s not about time, itā€™s about choices. How are you spending your choices?” ~Beverly Adamo

Hi, my nameā€™s Tash. Iā€™m twenty-six years old and soon Iā€™ll be living in a van.

My sister is twenty-three. She owns her own flat, which she shares with her long-term boyfriend and their pet tortoise. She has a well-paid job that she enjoys, and she even has a company car. For some people, this might look like sheā€™s really got her sh*t togetherā€”sheā€™s ticking all the right boxes!

And donā€™t get me wrong, Iā€™m not saying she isnā€™t! Iā€™m very happy for her and …