fbpx
Menu

Blog Posts

Why My Grandfather Was Happy Even When He Was Dying

ā€œItā€™s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.ā€ ~Tony Robbins

Is there anyone in your past that inspired you to become the person you are today? For me, that was my grandfather, Charlie.

Charlie grew up a poor farm boy in a small South Carolina town and ended up an executive in a Fortune 250 company. He was a poster child for the American dream, and I respected him for it.

But what I admired most was his character. Charlie was always content with life, regardless of his circumstances. …

5 Things to Remember When You Feel Ashamed of Your Flaws

If you asked me when I was younger what I wanted to be when I grew up, I may have answered perfect, or famous, which is incredibly ironic. I simultaneously craved a spotlight while fearing what it might revealā€”my inadequacies, my weaknesses, my flaws.

I thought being perfect meant being beyond reproachā€”undeniably lovable and worthy of respect, something I didnā€™t always receive growing up.

And I assumed that if I were perfect in all ways, I could finally relax and enjoy my life because I could trust that no one would judge or hurt me. I could navigate the world …

How I Stopped Being Busy and Why Iā€™m Now More Fulfilled

ā€œSometimes doing less is more than enough.ā€ ~Kris Carr

Two years ago I made a radical lifestyle shift.

Prior to this change, I was constantly striving to do more, to achieve more, to be more. I was squeezing as much as I could into any given day. I was in conflict between building a business, working, studying, and having time for pleasure and fun. I was taking on way too much and losing myself in the process.

Building a business is a lot of work, far more than I had imagined, and it takes time to generate consistent revenue that …

How Iā€™m Mothering the Wounded Kid Inside Who Just Wanted Love

ā€œBless the daughters who sat carrying the trauma of mothers. Who sat asking for more love and not getting any, carried themselves to light. Bless the daughters who raised themselves.ā€ ~Questions for Ada by Ijeoma Umebinyuo

ā€œI failed youā€¦ā€

My mother said this to me after I confronted her about my childhood.

That day, I had a clear image of the young girl I was, the girl I had tried to ignore in the hopes of moving forward. But pain shouts when it demands attention, and the suffering was palpable.

A memory flashed within my mind. I had tried telling …

When You’ve Lost Your Passion for That Thing You Once Loved

“Do it with passion or not at all.” ~Rosa Couchette Carey

If youā€™ve ever had a passion for something, you are probably well aware of the peaks and valleys that are natural side effects of pursuing the thing you love most.

Whether itā€™s music, writing, sports, fitness, or anything else, sometimes you lose sleep because the thing you love keeps you up all night, and some days you just feel tired and uninspired. There are ebbs and flows in following your passion, which is completely natural and healthy.

But what happens when the ā€œvalleysā€ stay valleys? Maybe you have a …

How to Recognize Painful Emotional Triggers and Stop Reacting in Anger

ā€œWhere there is anger, there is always pain underneath.ā€ ~ Eckhart Tolle

There I was again, regretting the spiteful words that had cascaded out of my mouth during a heated argument with my partner.

I felt that old familiar feeling, the burning in my solar plexus that bubbled up and erupted like a volcano, spilling out expressions of anger, blame, and criticism.

It had been a rocky few months, my partner was struggling to find consistent work, and our credit card debt was on the rise. Suddenly anger kicked in and I lashed out, accusing him of slacking off …

How to Replace Body-Hate with Self-Compassion

ā€œLoving yourself is the greatest revolution.ā€ ~Unknown

I’ve spent most of my life struggling with my weight and trying desperately to fit the idealistic image of beauty that our culture celebrates.

As a young teen, I was obsessed with magazines and all their secrets to be prettier and have a better butt and get your crush to notice you. I see now how desperate I was at such a young age to feel beautiful. Nothing seemed to work, though, as years passed and my need to fit the ideal beauty image only increased.

In high school I learned to skip …

Create a Little Bit of Bliss Every Day

“Follow your bliss and let the magic of life happen.” ~Janelle Jalbert

Is there something you always wanted to do as a child, and for whatever reason didn’t do? Is there something that you have wanted to do for years? Perhaps it is something that didn’t seem practical. Maybe you felt you wouldn’t be very good at it or you didn’t have the time or the money.

You can ignore the urging, submerge it, and choose not to follow through on it. But it will show up again and again, and sometimes in the oddest places. For me it was …

A Surprising but Effective Way to Get Out Of A Shame Spiral

ā€œI have found that, among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.ā€ ~Maya Angelou

As an aspiring daily meditator, Iā€™ve been instructed by many a spiritual sage to think of my emotions as clouds drifting across my internal landscape. The idea here is that clouds come and go, so clinging to any one cloud is an exercise in futility.

I like this metaphor. It overlaps quite nicely with the cloud-classification skills I learned in third grade and havenā€™t since put to use.

The more time I spend on the cushion, the more I realize that some …

How to Find Peace in the Dark Corners of Your Life

ā€œThe mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower blooms.ā€ ~Thich Nhat Nanh

Itā€™s easy to feel peaceful and positive when the sun is shining and life is going your way. Itā€™s a different matter when youā€™re alone, afraid, sick, or so tired you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

As a three-time cancer survivor, I know something about getting through difficult times. I know what itā€™s like to feel exhausted and hopeless, but Iā€™ve also learned itā€™s …

The Best Question for Self-Care: What Do You Really Need Today?

ā€œEach day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death.ā€ ~Arthur Schopenhauer

About a month ago I came back to my daily meditation practice after realizing Iā€™d been pushing myself too hard, and I was amazed at how easy it was to sit, get into that groove, and just be. I expected to sit for ten minutes, but on this day, my body didnā€™t want to move. I was completely content in the stillness, in silence.

I have been meditating and practicing …

What to Do with All the Feels That Pile Up in Your Heart

Straight whiskey. Thatā€™s my drink of choice, or at least itā€™s one of them.

Some nights Iā€™ve kicked my heels up with a glass and sipped it slowly simply because I thought it sounded appealing.

Other nights Iā€™ve clutched my glass in a shaking hand with a sense of internal restlessness I couldnā€™t attribute to anything specific because I had no idea what I was feeling, or why.

And on other nights still I have known what I was feeling and Iā€™ve consciously chosen to drown it with Jim Beam, the buzz in my brain and the warmth in my …

An Exercise That May Help You Make a Big, Scary Life Change

ā€œChange your thoughts and you can change your world.ā€ ~Norman Vincent Peale

Making a major life change, such as changing careers or moving to a new state, can be really scary.

Even if our hearts are pulling us in one direction, we may still be plagued with doubt, fear, and anxious thoughts, such as: How do I know if Iā€™m making the right decision? What will my family think if I do this? Will I regret this?

Even after we make the change, doubts and worries can still linger.

In 2016, I was on the brink of a major …

9 Easy Ways You Can Speak Your Truth Today

ā€œWe are constantly invited to be who we are.ā€ ~Henry David Thoreau

When your circumstances invite you to present your true self to others, do you accept the invitation?

I think of authentic communication as sharing the unfiltered essence of ourselves with others, including our identities, feelings, needs, boundaries, and desires.

Itā€™s taken me many years to learn how to communicate this way. Iā€™ve written in prior posts that speaking my truth once felt like an insurmountable challenge, like rolling an elephant up a hill or finding another living being who actually likes Nickelback. (Anyone? No?)

I was plagued …

What to Do When You Feel Stuck, Stagnant, and Bored with Your Life

ā€œSometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.ā€ ~L.J. Vanier

Earlier last year, I felt like I finally had it all. Good education? Check. Respectable corporate job? Check. Decent salary? Check. Fancy car? Check. Charming, funny, and handsome boyfriend? Check. Stylish apartment? Check.

I should’ve been happy. So why didn’t I feel like I was? My life looked perfect on paper. So why did it still feel so empty? I’d done everything I thought I was supposed to. So why did I feel like a fraud? I had everything I’d ever …

How to Reach Your Goal (And Why Three People Showing Up Isn’t Failure)

ā€œIf you believe it will work out, youā€™ll see opportunities. If you believe it wonā€™t, you will see obstacles.ā€ ~Wayne Dyer

Iā€™ve been part of a social meet-up group for the past few years, one thatā€™s helped me through tricky times like quitting my job, dealing with anxiety, and having my first baby. When I first joined the group, there were three people who attended the events. (Yes, you read that correctlyā€”three people!)

There were lots of people in the group itself, but only three of us would regularly attend monthly events. It meant that if one of …

Itā€™s Not ā€œFailingā€ to Leave a Toxic, Abusive Marriage

ā€œForgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.ā€ ~Audrey Kitching

I have always been an extremely glass-half-full kind of person. I always see the best in everyone, and not only the best, but also the unlimited beauty and potential. And my god, it is glorious!!

I met and fell in love with a charming man. I was on a trip to Alaska to …

How I Stopped Feeling So Lonely and Disconnected

If I were given the chance to relive my childhood, I wouldnā€™t take it. For the most part, those were times Iā€™d rather forget. I didnā€™t get along well in school, and family life was less than ideal. About the only thing I liked about the seventies and eighties was the rock ā€˜nā€™ roll music.

As a kid growing up in Miami, I had an Asian look about me, even though I was of Hispanic descent. Many of the kids in school asked me if I was Chinese; some called me a stupid chink; and a few just beat me …

What Happens When We Compromise Our Core Values

ā€œIt’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.ā€ ~Roy E. Disney

I got out of the car and could immediately tell that something was amiss. There were far too many glum-looking people milling around outside the building my meeting was scheduled to take place in. I worked for Yellow Pages at the time, and I regularly met with business owners who were interested in placing ads.

At that moment two burly men exited through the warehouse adjoining the office carrying a filing cabinet. A man who was carrying what looked like a paper shredder followed …

Find Your ā€œRat Peopleā€: The Best Advice for People-Pleasers

Deadly Women. I like Deadly Women.

Allow me to rephrase: I donā€™t have an affinity for murderous ladies, and Iā€™m also not a fan of murder as a practice. I am decidedly pro-loving people and anti-killing them. And yet I enjoy the show Deadly Women and watch it with my sister, who shares my interest in true crime, whenever Iā€™m home.

I donā€™t share this with many people. Why? Because itā€™s weird, or so Iā€™ve thought. Maybe itā€™s more that itā€™s tough to explain.

I wouldnā€™t want people to judge me or somehow think less of me because …