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Seeking Outside Approval Is Giving Our Power Away

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When you do not seek or need approval, you are at your most powerful.” ~Caroline Myss

Back in the winter of 2012, I was devastated by a sudden near-deaf experience (90% hearing loss), which led me to a dead end in my IT career.

“You’ve been overworked. Rest is the only way to recuperate,” said every single doctor.

Leaving my corporate sales job left me feeling like a total failure.

I felt lost, confused, and frustrated as darkness swallowed my self-esteem.

“Why did you have to work so hard and not get the credit you deserved?!” 

“Is deafness all …

You Don’t Need to Have Your Whole Life Figured Out Right Now

By in Blog, work fulfillment

“On any one day you can massively change the direction of your life.” ~Jim Rohn

Have you ever felt as though you needed to have your whole life figured out right now?

When we’re young, we are often encouraged to consider the same common careers such as being a police officer, firefighter, doctor, lawyer, or teacher. Then in high school, we feel pressure to make a decision because we’ll have to major in something in college.

We may love music, writing, or something that people associate with struggle, only to get bombarded by advice to do something that will make …

Why Striving For Perfection Is Actually Holding You Back

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

I used to strive for perfection in every aspect of my life. I thought perfection would make me “acceptable” to others.

Deep down, I felt inadequate, insecure, and not enough. And subconsciously, I decided that if I could just achieve perfection with myself, my body, and my life, than I would finally feel the deep love and inner acceptance I longed for inside of myself.

As a kid, I demanded a perfect report card: only …

The Benefits of Meditation: 10 Minutes to Peace, Clarity, and Focus

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Meditation teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.” ~Unknown

Do you feel overwhelmed at times? Or slightly lost? Do you struggle with anger, anxiety, or low self-esteem? Are you left with a mind that doesn’t seem to want to slow down?

If the answer is yes, rest assured that you are not the only one. There are many who feel the same way.

This is exactly how I felt five years ago. I was working hard as a musician, and I felt like I’d hit a brick wall. The harder I …

The Importance of Doing Nothing (and No, You’re Not Too Busy)

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu

Whether it’s chores or children, to-do lists or bucket lists—let alone work—modern life moves at a demanding pace. It’s a hamster wheel and, unlike our beloved family pet, we’ve decided it’s not fun.

But as a society we revel in being busy all the time. We consider those who do nothing on the weekend to be dull or lazy. We don’t have time to chew the cud. If William Henry Davies thought his lot “had no time to stop and stare,” he should turn in his grave and see …

How to Forgive When You Don’t Think You Can

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

Have you ever had a relationship, friendship, or marriage that ended so badly it took years, a decade, or even longer to heal? Have you ever wished you could forgive someone but just didn’t think it was possible?

Fifteen years ago I was twenty-six and in a relationship with a man that was destructive. After an intense romance in his home country, I made the poor decision that he should …

If You Want To Know Love, Stop Lying

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.” ~Bell Hooks

I was once a liar. I didn’t know I was a liar at the time. I didn’t consciously tell an untruth. Instead, my entire being did.

Lying isn’t just something that is done with words. We can lie with our actions. We can lie with our silence. We can lie with our complicity. We can lie by pretending to be who we aren’t.

I was the lie.

I played dress up for most of my life. It didn’t happen all at once. I …

Stop Focusing on Your “Flaws” and Let Your Light Shine Bright

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen.” ~Brene Brown

When I was twenty-seven someone told me I had old looking skin.

Up until I heard this comment, I had never given much thought to my skin. Ever since, however, it’s been the only thing I see when I look in the mirror.

Lately, I have been diving deeper into the inner areas of my life that still need further integration. Making themselves most apparent as top priorities are self-love and acceptance.

A good friend recently told me that she has started to look at herself …

When It’s Hard to Trust: 5 Reminders to Soothe New Relationship Anxiety

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway

“I’m happy. That’s all you need to know.”

These were the final words I spoke to the first person who ever broke my heart and nearly broke my spirit along with it.

He came into my life unexpectedly, and with a ray of light so radiant it uplifted me and gave me hope in the midst of a dark and challenging year. But after only a few short months, that light burned out as he cast me aside quietly, slowly, for …

7 Strategies to Stay Sane This Holiday Season

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti

It’s that time of year again. The fresh scent of an evergreen fills the house. Strains of “Silent Night” and “Jingle Bells” permeate the airwaves. Once again, I unpack the fragile, ceramic Santa that I made as a gift for my mom when I was five. Suddenly, I’m transported back in time—for better or for worse.

The holidays should be joyous times filled with family and friends, but sometimes the very traditions that give meaning to this season also trigger old fears, …

Why No One Needs “Fixing” or Wants Unsolicited Advice

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’re lost.” ~Dalai Lama

Have you ever felt the urge to fix someone? And by fix I mean observe their circumstances and tell them what you think they’re doing wrong and exactly how you think they should fix it?

We’ve all done it. We’re all guilty.

Especially with close friends or family.

“If he would only listen to me and do what I say then everything would work out just fine!”

Sound familiar?

I was having tea with a good friend the …

9 Ways to Silence Self-Criticism and Embrace Self-Love

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.” ~John Green

Do you ever wonder if that voice in your head is right?

Do you re-live events, scouring through every detail to look for places where you went wrong in your actions?

Do you ever walk away from a conversation with your inner voice ranting that you should have done better—that you should have said this or that instead?

That self-critical voice became a prominent friend of mine. I called it the gremlin. The gremlin leapt onto my shoulder after every conversation with …

3 Steps for Getting Back Up When Life Knocks You Down

By in Blog, change & challenges

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” ~Vince Lombardi

I guess I’ve always been a creative soul. Even as a young lad of four or five I had teachers taking my drawings of cartoon characters home to show their families.

Over the next twenty years I aspired to be a Ghostbuster, The Karate Kid, and then (when it turned out there wasn’t much call for eight-year-old ghost hunters and no suitable Mr Miyagi characters around) a writer, and finally a guitarist, all with varying degrees of success.

So it’s safe to say I’ve …

Don’t Try to Get Over Your Fear; Go Through It Instead

By in Blog, change & challenges

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ~Frank Herbert, The Bene Gesserit “Litany Against Fear,” from the novel Dune

When I was very small, my grandmother would watch me while my parents were at work. Nana often wanted a break, and her house held very …

10 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion and Overcome Your Shame

By in Blog, change & challenges

Note: The winners for this giveaway are akarosco and Tyler Bel. Subscribe for daily or weekly emails to get wisdom in your inbox and learn about future giveaways!

“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ~Kristin Neff

I consider myself to be a very compassionate person, but I’ve struggled a great deal with self-compassion. Though I’ve now been sober for over six years, back when I was drinking I made a lot of mistakes, and it’s taken …

What to Do After a Breakup to End Painful Relationship Patterns

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.” ~Unknown

After my kids grew up and I moved to the city from the suburbs, I became somewhat of a professional dater. I was determined to make up for lost time after over a decade as a single mom, and I was optimistic about my future.

My hopes were dashed almost immediately. Relationship after relationship crashed and burned, rarely lasting more than a few weeks. As soon as they’d walk out the door, sometimes within minutes, I’d fire up whatever dating website I was on at …

Why “Be Positive” Isn’t the Best Advice When You’re Down

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Learn the alchemy true human beings know. The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.” ~Rumi

As much as I tried to apply personal development ideas in my life, I failed big time.

All the affirmations in the world couldn’t make me love myself.

The more I tried to “be present,” the more all-over-the-place my mind became, getting lost in overthinking.

Mindfulness didn’t work for me either. Observing my thoughts got me to chase each and every thought and analyze it. When I tried “letting go,” I just held on tighter.

This was …

The One Question You Need to Ask Yourself When Deciding What to Do

By in Blog

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

I’ve recently discovered that for fifty-odd years I’ve been asking myself the wrong questions. Uh-oh.

Maybe you are too.

The questions we ask ourselves habitually—even when the process is totally unconscious—guide our lives in a very profound way. For me, the two questions that dominated my thinking had very different, but equally pernicious results. They are: What am I supposed to be doing? And What do I feel like doing?

The first question is all about hitting the numbers. What looks good …

How to Release Shame and Stop Feeling Fundamentally Flawed

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“But shame is like a wound that is never exposed and therefore never heals.” ~Andreas Eschbach

Shame. Everybody has it. Nobody wants to talk about it. The less we talk about it, the more power it has over us.

Shame goes to the core of a person and makes them feel there is something inherently wrong with them.

I remember when I was a young girl, I struggled so much with feeling I was ‘less than’ others.

There were many nights when I would say prayers to help change me. I didn’t like my freckles. I was …

The Power of Off: Staying Sane in a Virtual World (Interview & Book Giveaway)

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are: Akshay Bhat and Kaitlyn.

Have you ever found yourself mindlessly surfing the web, hopping from one site to another, when you didn’t have any specific reason to be online?

Maybe you were looking at a cute cat video on Facebook, and then you ended up taking a quiz to determine which Westworld character you are. And then, five listicles, four memes, three tweets, two comments, and one hour later, you realized you’d spent a whole lot of time doing a whole lot of nothing.

Worse, you may have been …