“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” ~Buddha
It was a beautiful spring morning when I was terminated from my job. Before it happened, there were rumors, but I refused to believe that something like that could actually happen to me. I felt betrayed by the manner in which the termination occurred.
Without any substantiation, my company suggested that my ethics were compromised and I embezzled from the company funds. Soon thereafter I learned that the sole motive for the company was to replace me and my assistant with part-time employees to avoid paying full-time employee wages and benefits.
In reality, I worked hard, and often went out of my way for the benefit of the company. And yet, I got laid off.
At first I was shocked in disbelief, with anger and resentment following close behind. I even contacted a couple of attorneys to see if I may have a case. As time went on, I actually realized that losing this job was probably the best thing for me. I moved on.
Or so I thought…
When there is suppressed anger and resentment, we don’t really move on at all. We have a way of pushing away unpleasant emotions. We push away anger and resentments.
But these emotions get stored and accumulate in our subconscious. And while consciously we remain unaware of the damage they cause, they reveal themselves in our physical and emotional health. So there I was, going on with my life not realizing that on a deeper level, I was still holding on to the past.
My suppressed anger ended up rearing its ugly head in both my personal and professional lives. It affected the way I interacted with people around me and reflected in my health. I got diagnosed with depression.
Disbelieving that something was actually wrong with me, I was caught off guard at first. But inevitably, I had to face the truth. I had to become a good observer of myself and my emotions.
I had to teach myself the difference between “thinking” that I was well and actually “being” well. Gradually, I learned. Gradually, I dug deep enough to see the truth. And the day that I honestly saw my anger and pain was the day that I took my first step toward forgiveness—and freedom.
When Mahatma Gandhi was dying, he raised his hands up from his bullet wound and gestured a sign of forgiveness to his assassin. This drastic example illustrates that Mahatma Gandhi knew that forgiveness came from sacrifice and love.
Over a year after I got laid off, I felt compelled to write an email to the person responsible for letting me go. I told him that I was OK and that I harbored no hard feelings. I also thanked him for sending me on the journey of self-discovery. (more…)