Author: Maelina Frattaroli

On Finding Your Purpose & Running Down a Dream

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

A revelation came to me the other day during lunch with my co-worker.

As I wolfed down my germ-infused salad-bar lunch, I thought about my father for no particular reason other than I probably miss him since moving out of my parents’ house two weeks ago.

I’ve never been one to admit things, show emotion, or get all mushy, but in my own way I’m very proud of my dad. Although it’s hard for me to let him know, he really is my hero.

As co-worker X took a pause from chewing, he asked, “What do you think your purpose is?”

I took a moment to let that commentary sink in.

Then I replied, “You know who I really envy and admire? My father. He does the hardest manual labor, sweats under the sun, cuts his hands up on stone, turns them purple with acidic grape juice, battles with poison ivy roots, snow plows during the most ungodly hours so rich people can have clear driveways, has more splinters than anyone I know, and he’s never, ever complained. In fact, he’s the true definition of service with a smile.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t phrase it that eloquently, but let’s pretend I did. (more…)

June 15, 2010
How to Let Go of the Past So It Won’t Anchor You Down

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Unknown

Let’s face it, we all dwell on the past from time to time. That’s okay—we’re human beings with emotions. As we live life and experience it to its fullest, it’s only natural that we sometimes cling onto what once was.

But when our desire to cling to the past affects our future, we begin a potentially unhealthy and seemingly endless battle with anchors that can hold us down and sink us.

For the past six years I’ve dreaded spring. While many would embrace the rain, the newborn green, and the post-winter renaissance, I’d plead with the powers that be to skip past March and April.

For me, spring is a brutal reminder of a series of unfortunate events. I experienced two subsequent losses that made me think I had to be miserable.

I carried this burden with me, letting it anchor me down, which made certain locations, dates, and possibilities “off limits.” I dreaded every arrival of spring, afraid that my emotions would spin out of control because of these anchors.

Sometimes they did, but it took me a while to realize it was because I let them.

Whether you’ve experienced a breakup, a tragic death, or a streak of bad luck, certain people, places, and things probably anchor you to the past. These tips may help you let go and move forward. (more…)

May 10, 2010
10 Tips to Advise Wisely: How to Give Advice That Actually Helps

“If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” ~Buddha

Nothing appears to be going right. The worst part? No one gets it, even though they might claim to.

Even though you know this is all temporary—it always is—you feel the need to ask other people what you should do. If they say what you want to hear, you’re relieved. But it doesn’t usually work that way. In fact, oftentimes you’re more frustrated than you were before once they put their two cents in.

We’ve all been there before.

Think back real hard—what in particular helped or irked you about advice people gave you? Did they say you should have done something differently (which wasn’t very useful after the fact)?

Did they tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself because other people have bigger problems? Did they offer some platitudes or cliche advice that sounded impossible to follow?

When friends have problems that seem incurable and never-ending, you can sense that hopelessness. And you want to fix it, which always seems so simple when you’re sitting on the outside. (more…)

April 20, 2010
10 Things That Are Real: How to Take a Break & Connect with Yourself

“The world doesn’t happen to you, it happens from you.” ~Unknown

It’s easy for me to drown in the sea of day-to-day things. How can I not when technology, social networks, phone calls, and the pressure to be successful in spite of the economic downturn constantly bombard me?

It’s almost as if catching a breath of air, and not a forced one, has become increasingly difficult. The world as we know it is constantly evolving before our eyes. How are we to keep up? Must we keep up if it means losing sight of the simplicities we cherish?

Some of us, myself included, become so immersed in everyone and everything with a sense of urgency and expediency; we become almost robotic “beings,” executing tasks just to complete them.

Don’t forget to breathe. Every breath of air is a well-earned one, no matter who you are or what’s on your plate. As a human being, it is your right to unwind and take a break from the numbers, bills, texts, tweets, status updates, emails, phone calls, and the mesmerizing touch-screen wonderlands.

It is your right, and never too late, to allow yourself to experience and enjoy the little things; these simple but real pleasures:

1. Create something.

Everyone is an artist, whether visually, with words, or even numbers. Take what you know and put your mind to it. Better yet, share your creation with someone. A personal touch can brighten someone’s day.

2. Ask genuinely.

Ask a friend, partner, or colleague, “How are you today?” and mean it wholeheartedly. How? Look them in the eye, even if it seems uncomfortable, and let them know you’re taking the time to care.

3. Be a giver.

Perhaps you’re excited about the way an experimental recipe of yours turned out. Bring a dish to work to share with a co-worker without expecting any compensation. Or, drop a surprise cookie on someone’s desk when they’re on a break. People enjoy unexpected indulgences.

4. Hand-write someone a haiku.

It’s not rocket science or elitist literature. Just follow the five-seven-five rule and write something that’s meaningful to you and/or the person for whom it’s intended.

5. Open up.

Let someone listen to your story. In person. You never know what insights can be gained.

6. Resurrect a hobby.

Break out that old, dusty pair of rollerblades from 1995 and hit the pavement at full speed. (Just be careful and make sure you pad up those knees, elbows, and that head of yours.) Or, build houses out of popsicle sticks and Elmer’s Glue. Pay no mind to those who tell you you’re too old. Live young.

7. Snail mail.

It’s not convenient; it’s not supposed to be. That’s the point. Put some thought into a card or hand-written letter and mail it off with a good, old-fashioned Forever stamp. It’ll get there when it gets there and the recipient will love opening it.

8. Switch off.

Shut down your laptop and cell phone one warm-weathered Saturday afternoon and enjoy the day unfold. Try not to be afraid of what you’re missing. The world will go on, and you will, too.

9. Read a book.

A real, paper book with pages that can be turned by your very own finger tips! Take a pencil, mark it up, circle your favorite excerpts or draw hearts around your favorite characters’ names. Just take a break from the Kindle or any other touch-enabled tablet.

10. Jot it down.

What have you learned today? “Nothing” is not an answer. Every day, you have the chance to learn and explore new things. Did you learn that a moth lands differently than a butterfly? Write it down! Did you discover a new hiking trail in your hometown? Make note of that, too! Discoveries help to shape the human experience.

Remember, in an ever-evolving world, you are what’s real.

Photo by notsogoodphotography

March 30, 2010
How to Enjoy the Journey More by Eliminating the Word “Should”
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” ~Proverb

A friend of mine once said, “If there’s a word in the English language I detest, it’s ’should.’ What a pointless, useless, waste-of-space (euphemism for other choice adjective) word.”

I think he’s right on the money. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, you should consider the definition of should, as defined by dictionary.com:

Should: must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.

There is always something we feel we cannot and should not do for fear of humiliation, regret, having to explain ourselves to others, and sometimes to ourselves.

Should is an instrument of regret. Maybe one of these sounds familiar to you:
- I should not have lashed out near the end of my last long-term relationship.
- He should not have been so insensitive or distant; that way I wouldn’t have lashed out.
- I should really get a grip on life; people must think I’m unmotivated and stagnant.
- I shouldn’t contact him so often; he must think I’m annoying or needy.
- I should stop acting upon my emotions because I’ll regret it later.
- I should clearly try harder because my boss doesn’t give me the time of day.
Some of these decisions may not lead to the results you want in life. But does it serve you to tag on a conditional disclaimer to everything you’ve said or done in the past? It does if you want, as F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, to “beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past” (The Great Gatsby). (more…)
March 22, 2010