Tiny Buddha

Author: Lynn Newman

  • 10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship

    10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship

    “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -~Sam Keen

    Before I married my wonderful husband, I dated a lot of men. For most of my 20s (and even my early 30s) I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then.

    It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie.

    At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.

    For some reason, I always thought my romantic relationships were less if I did not experience this kind of fairy-tale relationship. Maybe this is why I kept meeting frogs.

    At times, I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life. I thought, Now, I will be safe forever.

    In truth, I did marry a prince—but a prince who is also human, who has faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he is.

    At some point I grew up and learned to let go of the crazy metaphor of romantic love in order to find true happiness. Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. It’s a bummer.

    But, let’s look at it in this light: We all saw Romeo and Juliet and Titanic. Why stories like these make our hearts sing is that the love is unrequited. Unavailability fuels the romantic expression.

    This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover. Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view. Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do.

    The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.

    So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy? (more…)

  • 50 Creative Questions To Create The Life You Really Want

    50 Creative Questions To Create The Life You Really Want

    “If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.” ~Jack Dixon

    The first time I picked up a brush to paint I was 28 years old. I had never painted before, not even as a child. I couldn’t draw (except lousy little doodles) and never even thought I would enjoy painting.

    A friend of mine encouraged me to take a workshop about painting for process. Since she pushed so hard, I went.

    My world exploded open.

    On the first day, we stood next to a long table where cups of colorful bright thick Tempra paint laid in rows with one brush and a cup of water next to each of them.

    The instructors told us to simply choose the color that called to us in the moment without thinking, pick up the brush, dip it into the paint, and bring it to our white paper pinned against a wall. Then we were supposed to do only one thing: PLAY!

    Painting for process is not about having a cathartic experience, throwing paint onto the paper a la Jackson Pollack. It’s about being respectful of the process, holding the brush carefully like a pencil, and being present when connecting the brush to paper.

    The key to the creative process is to let go of the concept of “product.”

    The instructors encouraged us to avoid standing back to look at what we were doing. This would trigger analysis, judgment, and self-consciousness. We were supposed to paint freely, like children, and forget about the demon of outcome.

    If judgments came forward like “My painting is bad,” or “It doesn’t look like I want it to,” or like in my case, “It looks like a cartoon,” we were to ask ourselves three simple questions:

    • What if it could be bad?
    • What if you let go of preference?
    • What if it didn’t matter if it looked like a cartoon or not?

    Keep painting!” my teachers encouraged. “Keep going to a color and bring the brush to the white page.”

    And when I got stuck (and sometimes wanted to curl up in a ball and cry) my kind teachers came over and gently nudged me to keep meeting myself head on. (more…)