Tiny Buddha

Author: Karen Mead

  • Renovate Your Life: 5 Key Truths About Creating Change

    Renovate Your Life: 5 Key Truths About Creating Change

    “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

    We are currently in the midst of home improvement—what we thought would be a small “touch-up.”  Nothing seemed too threatening on the surface, just a scratch here, a nick there. It would be a simple fix.

    But when we began the project and uncovered the areas we were going to address, we saw there was much more than met the eye, as often happens in life. We could no longer ignore what we had sealed over and painted, covered with lovely flowers, and ignored for many years.

    Isn’t it funny how often plumbing is a perfect analogy for life? Opening what seemed to be a simple clog revealed 45-year-old crumbling pipes, made from materials long obsolete. All of the unseen clogging and rusting seemed symbolic of the hidden parts deep inside myself.

    When I acknowledged a simple issue—my fear of change—it revealed old beliefs that no longer serve me. Beliefs that were behaving just like our pipes by creating major blocks. Beliefs that I had covered so well with personal landscaping that no one (including me) saw them.

    The most amazing thing was sharing this with a plumber who really got it and shared my insights.

    Who knew—enlightenment through our sewer drains!

    So as the project moves on, I want to share five of the truths about home and self improvement that I have discovered thus far: (more…)

  • Why We Often Fail with Goals and Resolutions

    Why We Often Fail with Goals and Resolutions

    “The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

    Statistically, a lot of people have given up on their resolutions by now. The definition of a resolution is “a firm decision to do or not to do something.”

    When I examine the firm decisions I’ve made, I can’t help but notice that we all have the same lists. Why is that?

    Could it be that the same media, the same books, and the same friends have written all of our lists? I’m not making a value judgment of these shared desires—I just find it interesting that we all seem to feel the need to include so many of them.

    So now I find myself questioning where my resolutions and intentions are based. Did they come from some other source, or do they reflect my heart’s desires?

    I hadn’t actually made any resolutions for 2011, but for the sake of exploring this idea, I got out a notebook and pen and began writing.

    I looked down and saw—yes, you guessed it—that I had written what appeared to be the universal generic resolution list: exercise more, eat more healthy foods, meditate daily, lose weight, call my mother, etc., etc., etc..

    And although all these desires are good—in fact, they are wonderful and I truly would like them in my life—I was surprised that I felt no real energy reading the list.

    It just felt like another list among hundreds, written and then forgotten. Of course I would have issues keeping these decisions. They held no passion, no energy for me at this moment. They were just lots of words on a piece of paper. (more…)

  • Learning to Receive: 5 Steps to Opening Up

    Learning to Receive: 5 Steps to Opening Up

    Arms Open

    “We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” ~Sogyal Rinpoche

    I grew up deep in the “Bible Belt” in Texas, and along with that came the teaching that certain beliefs were never to be questioned. This kept life simple and reduced choices, but it also left me with the baggage of dogmas I no longer accept.

    One of the mainstay beliefs was “It is better to give than to receive.”

    Somehow, this one has held on in my head, in my heart, deep in my innermost belief system. Never mind that it makes no logical sense—to give requires someone to receive, so for someone, it must be better to receive. I just don’t know who that person is.

    All my life, I have practiced giving religiously, even while longing to receive. I even wound up with a career in the “Gift Industry”—talk about commitment!

    I could be counted on not only to give material and monetary gifts, but also to give my time, my support, and my skills. And then I would be angry for feeling depleted, all the while still giving.

    No one ever taught me how to receive. Not a compliment; I am a master at countering any comment with insight about all my faults. Not a gift; I immediately feel the need to give something in return, preferably bigger. Not a kindness; I wave people away from helping me in a grocery line, no matter that I am dropping bread as I speak.

    How could I have gone through so much life and have no experience with such a fundamental act as the ability to receive?

    As I begin to examine this, I realize for me receiving involves vulnerability. When I give, I feel in charge. When I receive, I feel less. (more…)

  • Overcoming Perfectionism: The Joy of Just Okay

    Overcoming Perfectionism: The Joy of Just Okay

    “The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    Yesterday I was talking to my dear friend Erin about all the pressures to be perfect—to be more than just enough. To always be striving to be 100%.

    I realized later that this has been going on all my life. Haven’t we all felt it?

    In grade school, the importance of getting those A’s, being on the teacher’s list, always getting the gold star.

    In high school, being popular, being smart, being a jock—whichever lane we chose to fit into to, there was always the hierarchy of being the best.

    Later came the career ladder—always needing to excel.  Not to even mention the pressures to be a perfect parent and the ongoing need to be the perfect child.

    Okay, my neck is stiff just writing this.

    I am a child of the fifties. I remember people having hobbies, just doing things they enjoyed with no value system attached. Whether it was painting a picture, crocheting a potholder, or making furniture in the garage, the point was the joy.

    I don’t remember a lot of apologies about how something wasn’t up to some predefined set of standards. The end product might wind up on a wall or in the entryway, but it might stay in the garage.

    The point was the experience, not the outcome. A lot of weird crafts on the wall were just accepted. (more…)

  • Starting a New Life: The Courage of a Seed

    Starting a New Life: The Courage of a Seed

    “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

    At lunch the other day, a new friend and I were discussing changes in our lives and how everything feels very new and different.

    I remembered the most beautiful description Mark Nepo wrote in The Book of Awakening. Mark is a poet, and he sees the world through such a lovely light. His work opens my heart to images I’ve never thought about that are so compelling.

    I can see the way Mark describes the process of change in my own life. He compares change to the immense bravery of a seed being forced into the ground. He describes the painful experience he imagines the seed must endure as it splits apart and becomes something entirely different.

    Still deeply under the earth, the seedling struggles to find light, water, and nutrients for life. And one day, it emerges, not recognizable to those who only knew it as a seed. Yet it remembers the journey—the journey to something larger but unknown.

    I, like the seed, have felt the darkness of the unknown, the claustrophobia of being in a space I did not understand, the anxiety of being in a place I did not feel I had chosen.

    Without a job, without my identity in the world of business, I felt I might disappear, like the seed deep in the soil of my life. I struggled to trust my eventual transformation, feeling alone and yet filled with expectations for the future. (more…)

  • Desperate to Be Seen: Learning to Shine a Steady Beam

    Desperate to Be Seen: Learning to Shine a Steady Beam

    Lighthouse Shining Bright

    “If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    While in the process of “re-branding” my business, I’ve been reading a lot about business marketing. One of the articles that I really loved contains an analogy of a lighthouse for a business model, but to me, it speaks of so much more. It’s really a life model.

    The example highlights how a lighthouse doesn’t run up and down the coast, anxiously seeking any boats in the water. It doesn’t cast its beam north and south, right and left, desperate to be seen. It isn’t frantically searching for every possible boat, screaming, “Let me help!”

    What it does is remain steady, naturally drawing attention to itself by consistently beaming the same message “I am here.”

    By remaining true to its purpose, the lighthouse guides the boats that need its direction. When they need it, they find the beam. There are no swaying lights and mixed reference points to confuse the other boats not needing direction. Everyone’s needs are met.

    A challenge in my business life has been to remain true to what calls to my heart—to trust there is a need for my work and that my clients and I will find each other. To have faith that connections are inevitable. To stay focused on where I know I fit and not jump on every marketing bandwagon that rolls into town.

    But I think this need speaks to such a greater challenge. It reminds me of the trust it takes to stay consistently in our personal truth, to be who we are we openly, to send a steady beam knowing that this is enough. (more…)

  • Letting Go and Moving On: Lessons from an Orange Tree

    Letting Go and Moving On: Lessons from an Orange Tree

    “Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

    For the past few days, I have been thinking about my orange tree. Every year, we ignore it completely, and it generously gives us bounteous amounts of sweet oranges. It is so very forgiving of our utter lack of support.

    Yet this year, the oranges are bitter; even the squirrels toss them away.

    Right now, the tree has oranges on the branches and fresh new blooms all over it, as well. I guess we should pick the oranges to make room for the new, but it hasn’t been on the to-do list yet.

    What keeps occurring to me is the faith of this twenty-year-old tree. It doesn’t seem to be in mourning for the bitter oranges. It is filled with optimism about the future—abundant with sweet smelling blossoms.

    I believe it isn’t questioning what it did wrong or blaming us for not being better stewards. It is just living, moving forward, and being a tree, preparing for the sweet fruit to come.

    What a lesson this is for me. How often I have given all of my focus to my “bitter oranges.” How easy it has been to hold tightly to the times I have felt misunderstood, unsupported, unseen. I’ve dissected every membrane of each orange, looking for reasons, for answers, for justification.

    A business relationship that failed, broken apart by different expectations and a lack of honest communication. A family relationship frayed by differing values. A friend who discounts my viewpoint. I have so tightly held to my hurt, my indignation, my shame. I filled my basket with these bitter oranges and carried them with me everywhere I traveled. A heavy load, indeed.

    I have not noticed that all around me are new blooms, ready to make new oranges. I could not see the possibilities of new relationships, based on what I had learned from the past.

    I could not separate my love for my family from my feelings of being seen as wrong. I didn’t meet the new friends, ready to offer support and fun; I was too busy being wounded—holding my bitter oranges. I have not noticed that there are so many more new blooms than there is bitter fruit.

    The bitter oranges are history, and who really cares? The sweet white soft buds of beginnings are the future and that is what I choose to care about. Their soft perfumed fragrance calls to me and lifts my spirit, reminding me of delicious things still to come.

    I’m so glad I have such a sage living in my back yard, ready to teach. I just need to be quiet and listen. And maybe honor it by removing the bitter oranges!

    Photo by Ronnie Mcdonald

  • Compassionate Boundaries: Saying No Without Guilt

    Compassionate Boundaries: Saying No Without Guilt

    “Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

    Today I’ve been thinking about fences, I guess as a metaphor for boundaries in life. There are many different kinds of fences, but that they all have the same purpose: creating a boundary.

    Whether it’s a sweet white picket fence with roses or the electrified chain fencing at a federal prison, what it signifies is a line drawn in the sand. This is either a starting place or a stopping point, depending on your point of view.

    Creating boundaries has always been a challenge for me. Until now, maybe still, I have needed to use anger to build my fences, to re-enforce my boundaries.

    I recently became so angry with a family member that the anger seemed totally disproportionate to the deed. But I felt invaded, used, taken advantage of. I accused, I shouted, I slammed out the door. Nothing like being really, really mad to build a very solid fence.

    But the effect on my body was like hauling the heavy cement blocks into place and then pounding them into their position. It took a huge toll, not to even begin to mention the effect this had on my emotions and on my spirit.

    After my “anger fence” was firmly in place, I was exhausted; muscles rigid with residual fury, unable to even appreciate the fence so firmly planted. Yes, I had created a very defined boundary, but at what great cost, both to myself and to my family? (more…)