Tiny Buddha

Author: Henri Junttila

  • 10 Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be Happy

    10 Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be Happy

    “It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” ~Dale Carnegie

    There was a time when I didn’t think I could ever be happy.

    I felt alone. I felt confused. And I felt overwhelmed.

    Luckily, that all began to change when I started looking inside. I discovered how I was the cause of my unhappiness.

    And I discovered what stood between me and enjoying life.

    Here are ten of the things I discovered:

    1. Neglecting yourself and your needs

    One of the biggest things was that I was ignoring what was right for me. I looked outside for the answers.

    I looked to friends and society to tell me how to live my life. It was too painful to discover what I needed, so I gave away my power and hoped that would solve everything.

    It didn’t.

    Eventually, I realized that no one really knows how to live a happy life. Some seem confident, but they don’t really know.

    Even the happiest of people go through dark times. When I began noticing what I felt drawn to do and what felt right for me, things began to change.

    It happened slowly. I wasn’t confident at first, but I began to listen to my inner GPS.

    2. Ignoring your inner GPS

    As I began listening to myself, I saw that I had an inner guidance system within me.

    I didn’t call it that then. It communicated with me through feeling. When something was right for me, I felt peace, joy, and curiosity inside.

    When something wasn’t right, it felt lifeless, dead.

    I began to see that trying to figure life out logically didn’t work, because my mind couldn’t foresee the future.

    The heart is what I would call my inner GPS. It nudges me through life, one moment at a time. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I’m on the right track when I listen to my heart.

    3. Resisting darkness

    Life contains both dark and light.

    It sounds counterintuitive, but when you embrace the darkness, you open the door to the light.

    I’ve gone through some dark, depressive periods in my life. I used to resist them, a lot. Today I do it less.

    I know that it is through these dark times that I learn the most. I dive inside. I breathe it all in, and I notice what it is that’s making me quiver with fear.

    I investigate my internal reality and stay in the present moment.

    This is hard to do when I’m feeling down. I want to run away to food, movies, games, books, and anything but the darkness.

    But when I dive in, I see that the darkness is nothing but a virtual reality created by me. I look at the fear of not having enough, and I see that what I’m afraid of is a thought I choose to entertain.

    4. Saying ”no” to the now

    The more I try to escape the present moment, the more miserable I am.

    When I stay right here, right now, even the most ordinary tasks become extraordinary. Washing the dishes feels alive.

    But if I try to exchange the now for a future paradise, I live in a present hell.

    Being in the now, for me, is simply about noticing what’s here, right now. As I write this, I hear my fingers tap-tap-tapping away on the keyboard.

    I notice the hum of the electronics on my desktop, and I feel my body on the chair.

    And above all, I feel my feelings fully. I’m feeling a bit anxious as I write this. And that’s okay. It’s normal to feel anxious.

    5. Being afraid of making mistakes

    If I am afraid of making mistakes, I assume that I have something to lose.

    I also assume that there is a perfect way of doing something.

    Yet, I cannot know any of this. I don’t know if making a mistake helps me grow (which it often does). And I don’t know if making a mistake is the perfect path for me.

    You see, we live in our heads. We manufacture a reality that we then believe is real when it’s not.

    A hundred years from now, my mistakes won’t matter. What will matter (for me) is how much I loved and how much I enjoyed life.

    I’m human. You’re human. We make mistakes. That’s okay, as long as we’re honest with ourselves.

    6. Aiming for perfection

    I try to be perfect because I think it’ll bring approval from others, from you.

    And that approval will make me feel loved and feel good about myself.

    Yet, the act of trying to be perfect means dismissing myself. It means not loving who I am right now. It means not doing what I can with what I have.

    I have an image of what perfect is, and it always seems to be out of my reach.

    I’m striving to feel better, but the only thing I manage to do is to feel worse in this moment. When I notice the scam of perfection, I return to the present moment.

    I breathe. I do my best. And I follow my heart.

    This applies for staying in the present moment as well. I’m not in the now all the time. I try to accept whatever comes.

    7. Chasing happiness

    I often fall into the habit of chasing happiness.

    But to me, it’s more like I’m avoiding my feelings. I feel bad, so I want to be happy. I create an image of a future where I’m happy, and I long for it.

    I want it now.

    I think to myself, ”If only I had that, I could be happy.”

    Yet, that thought is the one keeping me stuck. The wanting happiness snatches me out of the present moment.

    When I let go of wanting to be somewhere else, I notice what’s right here. Sometimes it isn’t what I want, but even what I think I want is another thought.

    Each thought that says I need something else is an opportunity for me to stay in the present moment.

    8. Trying to control life

    I don’t control life.

    I control my reactions and actions but not much else.

    When I try to manipulate life, people, and places, I end up exhausted. It’s not my domain. It’s not up to me to control outcomes.

    All I can do is follow my heart, my inner GPS, and see what happens. I am a passenger in this body, on this blue planet of ours.

    I am here to experience both the good and the bad. I am here to learn and to grow. To cry and to laugh.

    9. Putting off your dreams

    Dreams are scary.

    It took me two to three years to muster up the courage to write about the things I truly wanted to write about.

    I was afraid of what you would think, what you would do. I was afraid of failing, of succeeding, of everything.

    Eventually, I realized that I could give in to my assumptions or I could take the next step and see what would happen.

    Luckily, I took the next step. And you know what? Nothing bad happened.

    I wrote. I told people about my work. My audience grew. And years later, here I am. Here you are, reading my words.

    My dreams began with one step, and so will yours.

    Stop waiting for a grand opportunity and notice the doors that are open now. It might only mean starting a blog that has ten readers or writing in your journal. But start somewhere.

    And start before you feel ready.

    10. Trying to fix others

    I used to think it was my responsibility to fix others, even if it meant forcing them to see things my way, and it compromised my happiness and theirs.

    I now let people travel their own path.

    You have mistakes you need to make. You have experiences to collect. I am not going to stand in the way of that.

    If you come to me for help, I will help, but I will not force my truth on you.

    I cannot control life, and I cannot control you. When I see that life will take care of itself, I have no need to control you.

    This has been especially hard with my loved ones, but I’m learning. I’m improving every day.

    There is no fixing, because I do not know what perfection is. If we are here to experience life, then perfection is experience.

    There are no mistakes, no blunders, and no pitfalls.

    There is only this moment.

    —

    There are many things I’ve learned during my life, but one of the main things is that we tend to take our thoughts too seriously.

    We tend to take life too seriously.

    I think that if I make a mistake, my dreams are ruined. But when I see the assumptions behind that sentence, and when I see that my dreams are a figment of my imagination, I am liberated.

    I remember that all I have to do, all I can do, is follow my inner GPS.

    I can only do what excites me, and life will take care of the rest.

  • Why We Feel Stuck in Life and the Secret to Dealing with It

    Why We Feel Stuck in Life and the Secret to Dealing with It

    “It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings.” ~Dale Carnegie

    We’ve all felt like we’re drowning in mud.

    You feel stuck, worthless, and confused.

    You want to move. You should. You have to. But you can’t.

    And then it evolves into anxiety, fear, and overwhelm.

    But what if—just what if—being stuck isn’t the problem, but how we perceive it?

    The Truth About Being Stuck

    Every year, I have periods where I feel “stuck.”

    Yet when I look closer, I see that “being stuck” is a label I give to a natural part of life.

    It’s a time when not much happens. The anxiety comes when I think it should be otherwise. I start to force myself to work, to come up with ideas, and to make things happen.

    And when I don’t get anywhere, I call it being stuck.

    So, what is being stuck except the way I perceive life?

    As I write this, I’ve been in a stuck period for the last few months. The difference is that I struggle less, because I’m beginning to let it be.

    Why We Get Stuck

    You get stuck when you think you should be something you’re not. When you think life should be different than it is.

    I know I’m trying to force myself to do something when words like ”should,” ”have to,” and ”must” enter my mind.

    When I relax and surrender to this quiet period in my life, things seem okay. I see that I can’t control life. I can only notice what life brings to me.

    The Secret to Being Stuck Completely

    Being stuck is like quicksand. The more you try to get out, the deeper you sink.

    My mind wants to push, control, and manipulate. It stems from insecurity. I want to be secure, be loved, and be remarkable.

    I think that if I could just control life, all would be well.

    It’s not until I face reality that things begin to lift. Here are three things I do:

    1. Give up.

    When you’re stuck, surrender to being stuck.

    I notice the thoughts and feelings within me that say that I’m stuck, and that something is wrong.

    If I stay completely in this moment, there is no being stuck. There is only the label of a situation—a label that I’ve invented based on what I think my life should look like.

    When I notice all this going on, I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

    But that doesn’t mean that the feelings go away. I might still feel the anxiety, but it doesn’t have a death grip on me anymore.

    I can see the play of thoughts. I can surrender to what comes.

    And I still fall into resisting, but I’m getting better at letting it be what it is. I’m getting better at enjoying being stuck.

    The funny thing is that when we enjoy being stuck, we’re not stuck anymore, because being stuck was all in our head.

    2. Enjoy yourself.

    There’s always something you feel drawn to do during these periods. You’re not completely stuck, not in every area of your life.

    Right now, I’m reading books. I’m playing with my son. I’m watching movies and TV shows (the British version of Sherlock is amazing).

    And on occasion, I’m writing articles like this, expressing what I feel.

    I do the work I need to do. But then I let myself have fun.

    It’s easy for me to feel guilty during this period because I feel like I’m not doing enough. But I’ve learned to see that I’m doing the best I can.

    It’s another example of getting stuck in the story that I tell myself.

    I am who I am. I’m doing what I can do. That’s enough.

    And right now, that means doing less. The tide will shift soon enough.

    The same is true for you. Do what you can, but go easy on yourself.

    3. Write.

    At times when I feel truly stuck, I write.

    I don’t have a system or structure. I get a piece of paper and I write. I like to write by hand, the old fashioned way. It seems to clear my head more than writing on my computer.

    What I do is write down everything going on in my head. No censoring. No looking back.

    I let everything come out, especially the nasty bits.

    The more I do this, the more I notice repeating patterns. I see how I want to change what is, and how futile it is.

    The more aware I become, the more these things fall away.

    When you truly become aware of what goes on inside of your head, you start to let go because you see how you create your own suffering.

    My Biggest Mistake

    When we resist what is, we suffer. That’s true for anything in life.

    When I try to change what is, I poison myself from the inside out.

    But with time, I’ve learned to see my resistance as a sign to relax. To see that I can only do my best with what I have, then it’s out of my hands.

    There’s no pushing needed. Life lives itself through me, because I am life.

    I am not separate from anything or anyone. I am this planet. I am the stars. I am you.

    I sometimes wonder why we think we are not supported in life. We come into this world through a womb, where we’re supported.

    The trees in the forest are supported. Yet we believe we’re the exception. Are we? I don’t think we are.

    We just think that life should look different than it does. But the fact that life isn’t what you think it is shows that you’re wrong.

    Let Things Be

    Whether you feel stuck for a week or for a year doesn’t really matter.

    You do the best you can with what you have.

    But something I’ve noticed is that the longer I’m stuck, and the more I surrender to it, the more I learn when I come out of it.

    It is the darkest periods of my life that have taught me the most about myself.

    I’ve learned that life isn’t all about accomplishing things. Sometimes it’s about resting and letting things be.

    These periods are no different than the seasons. There’s sun. There’s snow. There’s light, and there’s darkness.

    Once you let it be what it is, things change because your perception changes.

    But beware of making this another thing you have to do. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself be completely stuck.

    And let yourself fight it, because you will.

    It’s all good.

  • When You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore

    When You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore

    Man Thinking

    “We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.” ~Lloyd Alexander

    There was a time when I looked at the world without hope. My future felt dark because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

    I felt like I was a random player in a chaotic game. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like life.

    Luckily, I stumbled onto resources, ideas, and practices that helped me reconnect to my wisdom, my heart, and my interests.

    I applied what I learned, and clarity emerged.

    I’ll share what happened and how I gained clarity, but in order to do that, let’s start at the beginning.

    The Problem

    The problem wasn’t that I didnt know what I wanted to do. It was thinking that I should know what I want.

    When I think I should know, I put pressure on myself. I feel stressed out, and I feel like I’m not good enough because I haven’t got life figured out.

    When I accept the present moment as it is, it frees up a tremendous amount of energy. When I stop resisting, I can start living.

    When I look back at the darkest moments in my life, not only do I see their purpose, but I also see that, deep down, I always knew what step to take next.

    But at the time I couldn’t see this because my vision was clouded by my fears.

    The Solution

    The solution was to see through what held me back from connecting to my heart, and to my desires.

    I did this by becoming mindful of how I was letting my fears dictate my life. I began to deliberately challenge my fears by taking action.

    I took tiny steps forward. I listened to my heart as best as I could.

    Instead of shrinking away from my fears, I wondered, “What would happen if I took a step forward anyway?”

    By doing this, I discovered that most of my fears were false. They weren’t real. They didn’t come to pass, even though it felt like they would.

    I realized that acting on what I was interested in right now was enough to start the ball rolling. With time, I could sense what was right for me.

    Today, I feel like I have cat whiskers on my body, and I navigate through feeling.

    Our desires can never be put out. They can be dampened and dismissed, but never extinguished.

    3 Steps to Uncovering What You Want

    So the question then becomes: How do we reconnect to our desires?

    Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do, because there’s no real formula. And I’m not the expert on you. You are.

    So what I’m going to do is share a few examples from my life. That way, you can pick what resonates with you and apply it to your life.

    Don’t take what I say for granted. Instead, test it out.

    1. Become quiet.

    Whenever I feel confused and don’t know what to do, I take it as a sign to calm down. During those times, I notice that my mind is speeding along, trying to figure everything out.

    I often lie down on my bed and just breathe. Sometimes I take a walk, and sometimes I watch a movie.

    I don’t have a set routine. I listen to my heart. I notice what I feel pulled to do. I trust my body and my inner wisdom to know what is right for me at that moment.

    But there are times when I don’t know what’s right. I just feel confused. When that happens, I become quiet and I focus my attention on my heart area.

    My mind often tries to pull me back up, but I gently re-focus on my heart.

    I ask my heart: What is important right now? And I wait. I don’t always get an answer, but I try to listen every day.

    I’ve noticed that whenever I’m stressed, it’s not because life is stressful; it’s because I’m entertaining stressful thoughts.

    Becoming quiet and reconnecting to my heart helps, especially when I don’t know what to do.

    2. Explore through writing.

    Something else that I’ve found immensely useful is writing.

    I don’t use prompts. I don’t have a structure. I open up a notebook and start writing what’s on my mind.

    I clear my mind by dumping it all on paper. This seems to give me better access to my heart. So I begin by writing what’s on my mind, and I end up writing what’s in my heart.

    Some call this journaling. Some call it freewriting. Julia Cameron calls it writing your “Morning Pages.”

    The label isn’t important. What’s important is the result.

    After writing for ten to fifteen minutes, after getting all the craziness from my mind on paper, clarity emerges. I can feel my heart becoming warmer.

    I sometimes ask my heart questions. I don’t always get great answers, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m connecting to an intelligence greater than me. And who knows, maybe I am?

    The bottom line is that it works.

    3. Take micro steps.

    Once I reconnect to my heart, and clear some of the mind chatter, I begin asking myself: What tiny step can I take to reconnect with my desires?

    You may want to rephrase this question. If you do, make sure you keep the focus on ridiculously tiny steps.

    Sometimes the tiny step is to lie down. Relax and recharge. Stop trying to figure everything out. Stop stressing about the imagined future.

    Micro steps are not only useful in reconnecting with your desires. I use them in everything I do.

    The reason they work so well is that they bring you back to the present moment. Micro steps help you focus on what you can do with what you have.

    You can’t predict the future. You can’t control outcomes. But you can do the best you can, right here, right now. When this realization sinks in, you relax and life becomes brighter.

    —

    The biggest mistake I make over and over again, even though I know all this, is getting stuck in my own thinking.

    I notice my thinking trying to figure it all out. But all my thoughts are assumptions about life. They aren’t reality. Just thoughts.

    This doesn’t mean we should condemn thoughts. It means we need to take our thoughts less seriously.

    Because what if you let go of the story that you didn’t know what you want? You would simply enjoy what’s right here, right now. And if you felt drawn to do something, you’d do it.

    When I watch my son play, he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s completely in the present moment, enjoying life. He’s almost three years old as I write this, yet he’s showing me how to live and enjoy life.

    You see, I’ve noticed that I tend to take life too seriously. I take my thoughts, my fears, and my future seriously.

    Yet what I’ve realized is that I’m always experiencing my life through my thoughts. I don’t feel the outside world. I feel my thoughts.

    So when I help people find and follow their passion, even when they don’t know what they want, I discover that the spark never went out. It simply got obscured by their thinking.

    I’m not going to tell you to make a radical change in your life. I’m going to tell you to take the tiniest step, and to bring your attention back into this very moment.

    You only need to notice a tiny thing you enjoy doing, and follow it. This isn’t about picking the right thing.

    Right now, it’s about simply learning to follow your interests, and reconnecting to your heart and joy.

    Thinking man image via Shutterstock

  • 10 Habits of Unhappy People (And How to Fix Them)

    10 Habits of Unhappy People (And How to Fix Them)

    “Ego says, ‘Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace.’ Spirit says, ‘Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.’” ~Marianne Williamson

    Have you ever felt that something was missing in your life?

    Who am I kidding, everyone has.

    I used to be unhappy. But not just unhappy—miserable.

    I’d look at other people and wonder what they had that I didn’t. I was sick of living my life. And being sick of it was the tipping point that changed it all. It’s what got me moving in the direction of what made my heart sing.

    As I moved forward, I discovered that what was making me miserable wasn’t outside of me, but the habits I had built up over the years.

    I’d like to share with you what those habits were, and how I overcame them.

    1. Waiting for clarity.

    I thought that in order to do what I loved and be happy, I had to know where I was going.

    Turns out that wasn’t. It was just a thought that I believed.

    When I took action despite feeling confused, and simply did my best, I discovered that I could always take one step forward, clarity or no clarity.

    It was like walking in a heavy fog. As long as I kept moving forward, more of my path revealed itself. But if I stood still, nothing would happen.

    Fix: Don’t wait for clarity. Listen to your heart and take one tiny step forward. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

    2. Seeking permission from others.

    I wanted others to tell me I was on the right track. The more I did this, the emptier I felt inside.

    Why? Because I was giving my power away. Instead of listening to my own guidance system, I was relying on someone else.

    It was confusing and disempowering.

    I’ve never had an easy time trusting life. I worry a lot. But over the years I’ve realized that trusting myself is the only way toward living a fulfilling life.

    Once I stopped trying to seek permission, or figure things out, my inner wisdom grew stronger, because it was no longer clouded by thoughts.

    Fix: Don’t look to someone else for validation for your dreams. Go after what makes you come alive. That’s enough.

    3. Hoping for future salvation.

    Another unhelpful habit I have is living in the future, thinking that reaching my goals will make me happier.

    However, I’ve noticed that once again, this is just a thought that I give power to.

    I’ve also noticed that I’ve reached plenty of goals that I thought would make me happy, but didn’t.

    Like me, you’ve probably heard the following phrase over and over again: “Happiness comes from the inside. It’s available right here, right now.”

    For a long time, I wondered, “That’s all fine and good, but how do I use that in my life?”

    The answer was to witness my thoughts and let them pass by. I don’t have to believe every thought that tells me that the future holds the key to my happiness.

    Once I let those thoughts pass, I noticed that there’s a source of joy within, always available to me.

    Fix: When you find yourself living in the future, just notice what you’re doing. Let go of the tendency and observe what’s going on. This is a practice, so don’t worry if you don’t get it perfect.

    4. Wanting to take big leaps.

    When I get caught up in thinking that the future will save me, I want to take big leaps. I want to hurry to my goal.

    Yet this behavior makes reaching my goal less likely. It introduces sloppiness into my work. It produces an aroma of selfishness.

    But, if I let things take their time, and if I let those thoughts pass, there’s a sense of peace.

    As I write this, I’m not in a hurry. I sense the wanting to finish, but I witness it. I don’t get involved. Then I return my focus to writing and letting the words flow on paper.

    And my soul smiles. My heart nods. My breath deepens.

    I remember: “This is it. This is life.”

    Fix: Big leaps assume that happiness is in the future. Take a deep breath. Notice how much happiness is available right now. No big leaps needed, just a remembering of who you are.

    5. Having faulty expectations.

    For a long time, I believed that I could eliminate negativity from my life.

    But every day does not have to be a happy day.

    Life is sometimes difficult. The problem isn’t the difficulty, but how I relate to it. If I think it shouldn’t be there, I suffer.

    Again, it comes down to my thinking. Life is as it is; my thinking creates my experience of life.

    When I notice my expectations, I can let them be. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel the sting of something I label as bad; it simply means that I don’t have to pour more gasoline on the fire.

    I can’t control life, but I can control how I use my attention.

    I don’t have to change my thoughts; just notice what’s going on and how I’m creating my experience of the present moment.

    Fix: Notice how your expectations make you unhappy. Bring your attention to this moment. Do the best you can with what you have.

    6. Taking your thoughts seriously.

    “You’re not good enough.”

    “You’ll end up homeless if you follow your heart.”

    “What will people think of you?”

    We all have thoughts that freak us out. Yet I have days when I don’t care about those thoughts.

    So what’s different between the good days and the bad days? Simply my state of being. When I feel good, my emotional immune system is more stable.

    I remember that my feelings are simply an indication of how trustworthy my thinking is. When I feel bad, it’s a sign that I need to take my thinking less seriously.

    When I feel good, that’s when I can solve problems. But often I find that problems solve themselves, if I’m willing to get out of the way.

    So what I’m repeating over and over again is the fact that it’s our thinking that makes us unhappy, not our circumstances.

    Fix: Experiment with taking your thinking less seriously for sixty seconds at a time. See what happens and how you feel.

    7. Playing things safe.

    When I push the boundaries of my comfort zone, I tend to get anxious, afraid, and worried.

    But after a while the discomfort becomes comfortable. It becomes familiar.

    What changed? My thinking.

    When I let anxious thoughts pass, eventually my thinking returns to normal. But if I try to figure things out, I prolong the “healing” process.

    I’ve realized that to be fulfilled in life, I have to grow and challenge myself. To do that, I need to step outside my comfort zone. I have to stop playing things safe.

    There are no guarantees in this world.

    All I can do is follow my heart and be aware of my thinking. That’s it. I’ll have scary thoughts, but that’s okay. I can still take one tiny step forward.

    Fix: Become aware of the fact that being outside of your comfort zone is simply believing a different set of thoughts. You can always listen to your heart, and take the next step.

    8. Focusing on lack.

    I can have wonderful relationships, do work I love, and have life go swimmingly.

    But if one thing goes wrong, and I focus on it, I make myself miserable.

    And the thing about life is that there will always be something “wrong.”

    The key to happiness isn’t to get rid of your problems, but to learn to live with them. To notice how your thinking gets you in trouble.

    This doesn’t mean I neglect problems. It means that I don’t stress over them. I solve them as well as I can, but I don’t try to force solutions.

    I’ve noticed that when I stop thinking, I allow my inner wisdom to help me. I often get solutions to problems when I’m not thinking, such as when I’m on a walk, washing dishes, meditating, or in the shower.

    I do my best and then I let go.

    Fix: Notice your tendency to focus on the thoughts that tell you something is wrong. Rest your attention in the witness of those thoughts. You are not them. You can observe them, and breathe.

    9. Resisting obstacles.

    For years, I ran away from challenges because I saw them as obstacles to getting what I want.

    And I thought getting what I wanted would make me happy.

    But then something changed: I saw that these obstacles weren’t obstacles, but stepping stones helping me follow my calling.

    Instead of remaining in the habit of resisting obstacles, I get curious. I ask myself: What can I learn from this?

    Everything seems to have a purpose.

    The more I surrender to life, the more powerful I become. And to me, this surrender simply means not trying to figure everything out, or trying to control life.

    Fix: Don’t fight life. Embrace life. Become curious about the problems in your life. Don’t rush to fix them. Let them be for a while and notice the results.

    10. Neglecting your calling.

    Perhaps the biggest obstacle to happiness is neglecting your calling.

    When I neglect my heart, my purpose, my inner wisdom, I become miserable.

    And the way I neglect my calling is through thinking too much. Thinking that something is wrong, or that I’m on the wrong track.

    When I notice this mental habit, I let it be, and I take a deep breath.

    To follow my calling, I have to let go of what I think my path looks like.

    I can’t figure out where my life is going, I can only live it one moment at a time. That’s scary to my mind, but that’s okay. I can let thoughts pass, and I can rest my attention in my heart.

    Fix: Let go of what you think your life should be, and let it become what it was meant to be. Live life one moment at a time. It’s all you can do anyway.

    —

    Happiness is not something you get, but something you are. What’s stopping you from being happy is taking your thoughts too seriously.

    You have wisdom within you, waiting to guide you. All you have to do is let go and observe how you stop yourself from accessing it.

    It’s not easy. It’s a practice. Sometimes it takes time.

    But notice that even the rush to get it right is a thought. Let it be.

    Do your best.

    Follow your heart.

    And remember to breathe.

  • How to Hear Your Inner Wisdom When Making Tough Choices

    How to Hear Your Inner Wisdom When Making Tough Choices

    “Everyone who wills can hear their inner voice. It is within everyone.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

    Do you struggle with listening to your inner voice? Do you doubt yourself and every inner signal you get? You’re not alone.

    A decade ago, I didn’t know that I could follow my heart. I’d never heard of the concept of inner wisdom or inner voice.

    I started following my interests and doing what made me feel good, and this is the essence of doing what you love and listening to that subtle voice inside of you.

    The problems start when we listen too much to outside sources.

    We start to think that we’re doing it wrong. I went through one of these periods myself. Looking back, I see that while it was a period of struggle, it also helped me go deeper into what worked for me.

    What is Inner Wisdom, Anyway?

    You may get nudges from your soul by getting inspirational thoughts. It may be an unexplainable feeling that gets you into action. Or you may see an image in your mind.

    My inner wisdom is a blend of all of the above. But more often than not, it communicates through feeling.

    I like to say that it’s like I have cat whiskers all over my body. I feel my way through life.

    I still misinterpret the messages I get. Sometimes I follow fear. Sometimes I give in to resistance. I’ve learned to be okay with that.

    This doesn’t have to be serious. You can play and experiment; see what messages you get.

    How to Listen to Your Inner Wisdom

    With that said, let’s look at how to connect to your inner wisdom.

    1. Calm down.

    When my mind is calm, the connection to my inner wisdom is the strongest.

    When my mind is in turmoil, I try not to make any decisions because I don’t have access to my cat whiskers.

    If I’m in a negative state, I might go for a walk, wash the dishes, or meditate. I don’t necessarily try to get rid of the negativity, but I simply stop what I’m doing and take a break.

    When you take a time out, gradually your calm will return along with the connection to your wisdom.

    2. Stop trying so hard.

    I’m good at bullying life into place. I want to figure it all out. I want to force results, and I want to have achieved my goals last year.

    But I’ve noticed that the more I try to push, the more slowly things go. It’s like getting stuck in quicksand. If I try to dig my way out, I only sink in deeper. Instead, I have to let myself be pulled out.

    This doesn’t mean I become complacent. It means I notice what I have control over and what I don’t.

    And it goes back to calming down. When you’re worried about what might go wrong in life and you’re trying to fix an imaginary problem, the connection to your heart is severed.

    But once you let go and become aware that you don’t know where life is going, you can relax and peace can return.

    3. Be patient.

    My inner wisdom shines through when I’m patient. When my partner and I were looking for a house, we knew approximately what we wanted, but we didn’t try to push it.

    We were patient. We looked at different options and listened to our hearts. I let days pass because I noticed that the more distance I got, the clearer the signal from my inner wisdom.

    The realtor would try to pressure us, but we took our time. We weren’t going to rush into a big decision like buying a house.

    One day, we saw a house come on the market. It didn’t look impressive online. We almost dismissed it. Then we went to have a look, and the moment I stepped in the door, my inner voice said yes.

    We still didn’t jump on it. We waited a few days to see if the feeling would change. It didn’t. We ended up buying the house, and I’m sitting in a room right now writing this article.

    So when you want to get feedback from your inner wisdom, get the feedback over a couple of days or more. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get an answer right now, right here.

    Mistake to Avoid

    The biggest pitfall I fall into over and over is stressing about whether or not I’m on the right path.

    I still worry, but less than before. I’ve come to accept that life will take me where I need to go. I can only do my best with what I have.

    I don’t have to force myself to do anything. All I can do is listen to the quiet voice within me and see where it takes me.

    I don’t know if the struggles I’m going through today are what will help me get to where I need to be.

    When you’re honest with yourself, truly honest, you realize that you don’t know what’s going on in life. You don’t have control over it. All you can do is live life to the best of your ability.

    What You Need to Remember

    When I started reading about living a heart-based life, I thought that if I could just tap into my inner wisdom, my life would be filled with euphoria.

    But I’ve since realized that life is filled with life, which means both ups and downs. We see individual events as bad because we isolate them.

    However, we don’t know where we’re going or what our path looks like.

    I’ve discovered that the more fun I have in life, the smoother the ride goes. I don’t take life too seriously. Meaning, I don’t have to panic when something happens.

    In the end, your inner wisdom is always there, just like the sun is behind the clouds on a rainy day, waiting for you to relax.

    All you have to do is calm down and pay attention.

    Don’t be in a rush. Don’t try too hard.

    But have fun, and notice how your inner voice works.

  • When Following Your Passion Makes You Miserable

    When Following Your Passion Makes You Miserable

    “The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

    It seems that in recent years people have really started waking up to the fact that they can do what they love, which is great. But what’s not so great is when it makes you miserable.

    Finding your passion can become another goal to be achieved in the future.

    Suddenly you find yourself believing that if you could just find that perfect passion, your life would be perfect and then you’d finally be happy. But life doesn’t work that way.

    You already have passion, joy, and purpose in your life. Following your passion is about starting where you are and realizing that all you have to do is follow the passion already present.

    Let’s Start with the Problem

    The core problem is waiting for something to happen. It’s believing that you can’t be passionate and happy right now.

    You didn’t come into this world understanding the concept of passion. When you were a child, you enjoyed life as it was, without concepts and without shoulds.

    In my own life, I noticed the tendency to think that if I could only get something or achieve my definition of success, I’d be happy.

    For example, I used to think that money would make me happy. Then I earned more and nothing changed. I was still me.

    After that, I thought that a relationship would make a difference, but I was still me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner, but it’s not up to her to make me happy.

    I changed because I got sick of chasing happiness in the future and saw how this created suffering.

    I was lucky to realize this at an early age. Right out of high school, I became a professional poker player because it allowed me to travel the world and make more money than I needed.

    When I first started playing I enjoyed it, but as the years passed I did it solely for the money, and it prevented me from doing what I truly loved.

    I now know that what I’m truly looking for is what’s already inside of me. I still get caught up in my old patterns of waiting, and when I do, I become miserable and powerless. I start losing hope. I start questioning whether I’m on the right path. And I wonder why life has to be so hard.

    But then I bring myself back. I take a deep breath, and I settle into the present moment. I realize that while following my heart is tough at times, it is the only way forward.

    The Art of Being Happy

    As I bring myself back to the present, I notice what brings true happiness into my life. And that is to simply follow the nudges of my heart.

    I might notice that I need a rest, so I’ll listen to what I feel interested in. I might read a book, watch a movie, or play with my son, Vincent.

    What makes your heart sing will be different from me. What matters is that you listen to and follow your interests, passions, and fascinations.

    Living a passionate life doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in love with your life 100% of the time. It doesn’t mean that you never come up against challenges.

    In fact, the opposite is often true. You face more challenges because you need to let go of a lot of limiting beliefs, fears, and doubts. You will often know where your heart is pulling you, but you may not believe it’s possible. If you can let this baggage go, you’ll be well on your way.

    Following your passion means listening to those inner nudges. Because what living a passionate life comes down to is being happy in this moment. And to increase the happiness in your life, you have to do what makes your heart sing.

    Sometimes these nudges will be a subtle whisper, an inspirational feeling, or simply a thought that pops up out of nowhere while you’re washing the dishes.

    If finding your passion is making you miserable, the solution is to stop waiting. Stop believing in the lie you tell yourself that if only you could have this or that, everything would be fine.

    Stop waiting and take an inspired step. Center your attention in your heart and notice where you feel pulled. Let go of what may come out of it and just enjoy the ride.

    Use What You Have, Where You Are

    Put down the heavy baggage of what you think passion should look like and accept the way life is right now.

    Notice what you’re interested in, and above all, notice where your heart is pulling you.

    It’s not by listening to other people that you’ll uncover the life you want, but by listening to your heart.

    You are the expert on what you need. You have to be willing to take responsibility and stop thinking that some event in the future will make things better.

    A simple way to connect with your heart is to sit down, take a few deep breaths, and focus your attention on your feelings. There may be pain, but sit with it. Feel it fully. As you do this more and more, your connection with your heart will deepen, and you’ll activate your inner GPS.

    A Question You Can Ask

    Another way to connect with your inner wisdom is through writing. Ask yourself questions that help you uncover the gold inside you and then write until you run out of words.

    You don’t have to be a writer to do this. And you don’t need any particular tools. All you have to do is write down what goes on in your mind. Even if you don’t come up with anything coherent, you’ll get more clarity and feel better.

    To get you started, here’s a question you can ask: “In the future, when you’re already living a passionate life, what advice would you give to the present you?”

    I know we touched on focusing on the now, but asking a question like this is helpful because it helps you bring resources from the future into the present moment.

    Always remember to live life from this moment. Do your best with what you have, and forget the rest.

    “What If I Feel Lost?”

    Life is always in transition. If you try to figure life out, you’ll feel lost and overwhelmed. If you try to control life you’ll feel powerless, because it’s not up to you to control life.

    It’s not being lost that is causing you grief but thinking that you shouldn’t be. If you drop the thought that you’re lost, you’re just living life right now, which is all you need to do. It’s all you can do.

    When you let go of any need to get anywhere, or be someone, you immediately relax. The problem isn’t about feeling lost or stuck. Those are concepts you’ve learned.

    When you center yourself in your heart and follow your inner joy, you’ll get to where you need to be.

    The Bottom Line

    Following your passion has the power to change your life, but it can also make you miserable if you make it into another thing you have to achieve before you can be happy.

    You have to be willing to walk your own path. You have to be willing to listen to your heart and follow what feels true for you.

    The reason there is so much conflicting advice out there is because different people need different paths. If you try to listen to everyone, you’ll end up confused.

    That’s why it’s important to tap into your inner wisdom via meditation or writing. Center yourself in your heart and notice where it’s pulling you, then take the first step.

    Let life take care of itself. Relax and enjoy the ride, because that’s all you can do. Set the intention to be happy first, and your passion will come to you. And if it doesn’t, so what? You keep on going.

  • The Illusion of Waiting for the Future to Be Happy

    The Illusion of Waiting for the Future to Be Happy

    “The future is always beginning now.” ~Mark Strand

    Do you ever feel like there’s something missing in your life? It feels like you’re always waiting for something to arrive. You want the future to come, because it’s better there.

    But that’s all wrong.

    The future is an illusion. It’s just a concept in your head. This is what I’ve realized in the past few months.

    I’ve suddenly become acutely aware of what’s going on. I’ve entered the present moment more powerfully than ever before.

    If you go and read my previous articles here at Tiny Buddha, I talk about how I’m going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.

    I’m learning more and more, and that’s exactly what happens each year.

    As I’m writing this, I am completely present in my body. I feel my fingers write the words. It almost feels like I’m not the one typing, typing is just happening.

    I don’t claim to be perfect, but I do want to share what’s happened, and how you can tap into the same peace and joy that I have.

    But before we do that, let’s look at the problem.

    The Problem: Future-Think

    In the past, I tended to live in the future. I daydreamed of a better life.

    I wanted more money, more adventure, and more time so I could be in the present moment. When I put it like that, it almost seems crazy, doesn’t it?

    (more…)

  • The Unexpected Path to Living the Life You Dream About

    The Unexpected Path to Living the Life You Dream About

    “Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” ~Arthur Rubinstein

    I used to be a big fan of working hard, really hard. I still work hard, but I do it from a place of inspiration and peace, instead of fear and must.

    In the past few years, something has shifted within me. It is both confusing and wonderful. I cannot put my finger on exactly what is going on, but it seems to be happening in just the right way.

    Like Arthur Rubinstein says in the quote above, there are no formulas for living the life you secretly dream about, because if you simply accept and welcome life, it’ll reveal itself to you.

    It is not through effort that you mold the universe to your liking, but from allowing the universe to mold you, and show you the way.

    When I began doing what I love, which is showing people how they can be more fulfilled in their work, I thought I had to take a predetermined path to my destination.

    And it almost stopped me, because I didn’t believe in myself. I saw so many others doing what I wanted to do, and they were more accomplished, had more knowledge, and were more successful.

    Or, so it seemed.

    I almost didn’t take action, but I’m glad I did.

    The Biggest Pitfall

    One of the biggest mistakes I made was trying to find the answers outside of myself when the answers were always inside.

    I’m not saying you should abandon learning and research altogether, but for me, it reached a point where I had to listen to my heart, and feel where I should go.

    I resisted going down this path for a long time, and I still sometimes do, because I’ve been a big fan of the mind, of logic.

    However, I’ve realized that I don’t know it all, and when I listen to my heart, I seem to be led to more happiness, peace, and freedom in my life.

    The early days were a struggle, but as I began seeing results, I started trusting my heart more and more. (more…)

  • 11 Simple Ways to Supercharge Your Time in the Now

    11 Simple Ways to Supercharge Your Time in the Now

    “To be alive is to totally and openly participate in the simplicity and elegance of here and now.” ~Donald Altman

    Five years ago my life was a mess. I was anxious, worried, afraid, and running away from my feelings. I was running away from the present moment.

    So, what happened?

    I started applying what I knew, which were really simple things such as breathing, visualization, and being aware of my thought patterns.

    I haven’t found the Holy Grail; I simply took action. I had no idea how much my life was about to change, I just knew something had to change, because the way I was living (and feeling) wasn’t cutting it.

    I’d had enough of suffering. I wanted more. I’m not perfect, no one is, but I’m moving forward. If you’d like to do the same, I recommend the following.

    1. Breathe.

    What would an article about being present be without breathing at the top?

    I stumbled onto old Buddhist texts early on in my life, and they emphasized breathing, so I started doing that.

    At first it was hard because my mind was racing all over the place, but after a while I became aware of the muscles and subtle energy sensations in my body.

    When I focused on one part of my body, I started noticing a tingling of energy there. When I anchored myself into this very moment through my breath, I felt good, sometimes amazingly good. (more…)

  • The Secret to Instant Self-Confidence

    The Secret to Instant Self-Confidence

    “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

    Self-confidence is an interesting concept.

    You see, we all have ways of feeling good, bad, low, light, and peaceful. We all have triggers that tell us when to experience these states.

    The really interesting part is that you can challenge how you respond to those triggers and change the strategies you use.

    There have been countless times in my life where I haven’t felt absolutely confident.

    For example, I used to be very shy around people. I just didn’t believe I had anything to say, so I used to freeze. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people.

    It felt safer to be quiet, but after awhile it got really boring—and when someone is really bored, they’re often in fear because they’ve put so many restrictions on themselves.

    What helped me work through the fear and start being me was tapping into a feeling of confidence, or sometimes just another positive feeling.

    It could be as simple as thinking of something that made me feel good, or even thinking about the fact that we are all human, and we are all made of the same earth.

    It’s not going to happen overnight, but once you become aware of the triggers in your life, you can exponentially increase the amount of bliss you experience.

    You can try to resist feeling happy all you want, but sooner or later you will start experiencing that bubbly joyous feeling inside of you, because that is who you really are deep down inside.

    That is who we all are. (more…)

  • 7 Obstacles to Mindfulness and How to Overcome Them

    7 Obstacles to Mindfulness and How to Overcome Them

    “Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

    Mindfulness has allowed me to become more aware of my thoughts and reach a sense of inner peace.

    As my awareness has increased, so has the peace and joy in my life. The more familiar I have become with the inner workings of my mind, the better I have started to feel.

    I came onto the path of mindfulness, meditation, and spirituality when I was sixteen years old. I saw the TV-series Ed, where the main character started experimenting with lucid dreaming.

    That got me interested, and that is where my journey started. It hasn’t been an easy journey by any means, but I’m nearing a decade on this path, and I don’t regret it for a moment.

    I’ve been through a lot of challenges, such as going through brief spurts of depression. I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough, and that life wouldn’t work out the way I wanted it to.

    In every one of these cases I let my thoughts run wild. I started focusing on the negative instead of on the positive, and I think many people have the same tendency.

    So there have been both ups and downs, but in the end they have all been there for a reason. And with each “bad period,” I’ve learned more and more about myself.

    I’ve learned more about what works and what doesn’t, and they have all been blessings in disguise.

    I have wanted to give up many times, but I’m glad that I kept going.

    Truly living in the present moment isn’t easy, but it is highly rewarding. The best way to move forward on your own path to “here and now” is to understand the potential obstacles and plan in advance how you’ll deal with them. (more…)

  • Feel Happy and Stress-Free: 7 Simple Tips to Stay in the Now

    Feel Happy and Stress-Free: 7 Simple Tips to Stay in the Now

    “No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today.” ~Brendan Francis

    Anyone can be mindful for a moment or two, but developing your mindfulness muscle means that you have to take things to a higher level.

    In today’s world it’s all too easy to get distracted from what’s truly important. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you see messages designed to get you to perform a specific action and distract you from the fact that you are already whole.

    There are no reminders to be mindful unless we create them.

    The responsibility is in your hands. Staying in the present moment can dramatically reduce stress, increase your happiness, and give you bursts of insight that might change your life.

    Ever since I’ve started becoming aware of my thoughts and staying in the now, my life has improved significantly, and I know yours will, too.

    Here are a few down-to-earth tips on how to become more mindful:

    1. Notice your tendencies.

    You and I, we both have our unique tendencies that distract us from the present moment. I’m a worrier, so I tend to think about the future and try to solve problems before they even happen.

    What are your tendencies? What kind of thoughts tend to rob you of the now?

    These questions will help you become more mindful about what is going on in your head, which in turn leads to mindfulness. (more…)