“You save yourself or remain unsaved.” ~Alice Sebold, Lucky
Last year was a year of great changes for me. I ended a three-and-a-half-year long toxic relationship, I started a new relationship (which fell apart six months later), I applied for a semester abroad, and started a full-time job while studying full-time, as well.
Honestly, I don’t know how I managed to survive this busy time, but I did, and in January 2012 I left for Stockholm.
It was the best six months of my life.
I met amazing people from all over the world and I found true friends among them. I was in places I always dreamed of being. I was studying at the one of the best universities in Europe. I traveled, explored, and had fun in my life again. I made my dream come true with my hard work and tenacity.
Even though everything seemed perfect, I felt that something was missing.
I struggled with my emotions and stress overload after six months of hard work to afford living abroad for the next six months. I also dealt with periods of depression.
I have been struggling with depression since I was thirteen. The worst period took place while I was in high school, when I thought about committing suicide. I got through this eventually with the help of my friends and a psychologist.
Currently my mood is stable, but I still experience heavy mood swings and depressive episodes that seem to appear “out of the blue.” That was the case with my semester abroad. One day I was happy with my life, and couple of days later I couldn’t find the strength to get up from the bed.
Maybe it was the stress, or the heavy Swedish winter with lack of daylight, or maybe it was something different. For two weeks in February I didn’t want to leave my room.
I tried to do so many things, to use my time abroad to its maximum so I would not have the feeling that I wasted my time there after I got back home. (more…)