Home→Forums→Relationships→It just blows my mind!
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January 10, 2016 at 5:21 pm #92015
jimParticipantI have mentioned a few times on here about the painful break up that I am try to get through! and it blows my mind when someone says, well it just wasn’t meant to be! Lol, well ok, if it wasn’t meant to be, THEN WHY DID EVEN HAPPEN! LOL, CRAZY!
January 10, 2016 at 7:57 pm #92058
AnonymousGuestDear jim:
Excellent point and quite brilliant, I never heard it before or thought of it this way: if it wasn’t meant to be, then why did it happen- how simple and true.
Conclusion: there is no pre destined relationships, no such thing as meant to be or not meant to be. This I have known for a long, long time.
“It was not meant to be.”
“then why did it happen?”Excellent!
anita
January 10, 2016 at 8:06 pm #92063
jockParticipantPart of a life learning curve for both of you?
January 10, 2016 at 8:09 pm #92065AnonymousGuest* Dear Juanita: I am challenged in quite a few ways: one is humor and the other is .. what I hope is humor above, the “life learning curve” comment. I draw a blank, really. It may be a blind spot in my otherwise very resourceful and brilliant brain.
January 10, 2016 at 8:27 pm #92070jockParticipantOk it is quite possible I said something very insensitive and stupid and it isn’t the first time..So sorry if I did.
We try to learn from our relationships whether they work or not.
People who have never been in a relationship stay naïve. they don’t know what it is like to be close to someone and tolerate the other’s idiosyncrasies. Our partner acts as mirror for both negative and positive aspects of ourselves. We really learn about ourselves and life through our partner.
So I’ve been in a relationship for 26 years. it is still going but I have to be ready if it ends some day. It doesn’t make me any better than someone who had a shorter relationship. it just makes me luckier. But I think we both learned a lot through this relationship. Part of life’s learning curve.January 11, 2016 at 1:39 am #92091jimParticipantHi Anita my sister says that to me all time. mainly when one of my relationships come to an end! I hate it! Lol!
January 11, 2016 at 2:00 am #92093jimParticipantJuanita, I understand what you are saying, one of life’s curves. There are so many curves in life! But, I have had ENOUGH CURVES from relationships in my time that there is REALLY nothing more to learn, other flip a coin and decide to give it a chance? I really can’t think of anything I learned from this one then from any other one? other then, you give a try, you get emotionally attached, it didn’t workout for SOME REASON? then you go on your merry way putting your heart back together and scratching your head trying to figure out what went wrong? not really any different from the last relationship that came to an end? Lol!
January 11, 2016 at 6:03 am #92101
NekoshemaParticipantI kind of know what you mean, it’s like telling a depressed person to think happy thoughts. If it was that easy we wouldn’t feel so bad. ‘It wasn’t meant to be’ it’s just an easy thing to shrug and say, and while it may be true, doesn’t really help.
As to why the relationship ever happened, life is a journey, not all experiences are meant to last forever. The breakup hurts, and you might be recalling only the bad times after a bad breakup, but it wasn’t all bad, and you learned from it. It happened because it’s what you wanted at that moment. It might not be a ‘forever love’ but it was perfect for that moment. Maybe these two people will get back together one day, maybe not, but one day you might look back on that time and smile because of the memory or lesson.
January 11, 2016 at 9:48 am #92110AnonymousGuestDear jim:
Following reading your last comment above: Maybe there is something to learn after all, even from this last one: if you can, to pace yourself and take it slower, if you can, before you get attached, get to know the person. Not to dive in head first (or some part first.. a joke, my goodness, I think I was funny just now, was I jim?)
Anyway, you are quite an emotional, spontaneous, honest person, quite a delight to read your posts, really. Unfortunately most people are more (undesirably) complicated… so that is why, in this real world we live in, better take more time.
What do you think?
anita
January 11, 2016 at 10:24 am #92115
InkyParticipantJoining the party here…
Here’s a quote that will also drive you crazy, but I think is true…
“People are here for a lifetime, a reason or a season”.
I tell people “Be thankful that it happened!” You had several great moments. It was so good that it’s a major bummer that it ended!
I also tell folks “If it happened once, it can happen again”. Of course, maybe not with the same person, but the potential is there.
Blessings,
Inky
January 12, 2016 at 2:22 am #92198jimParticipantHi Anita, I took it slow! we both talked about taking it slow! Getting to know one another! we both discussed what we been through in the past. we dated for 4 months before we even got intimate! I even said to her! we we’re having so much fun and enjoying each others company and seemed to get better and better each time we would get together. I said to her, I really don’t even care if we got sex involved! she really didn’t seem to respond to it too much? But, I meant it! anyways, it’s all over now and it’s just dealing and feeling right now, “AGAIN”
January 12, 2016 at 9:03 am #92216AnonymousGuestDear jim:
I missed the fact that you did take it slow, then, when I wrote the post above. Indeed you did take it slow. It seems to me like you don’t want to think about that relationship anymore, that you don’t want to try to learn anything, if there is something to learn.. that you figured there is nothing to learn.
Did you read my post about Codependent Anonymous that I wrote you? I don’t know where it is and if you responded to it. I will see soon as I go through the threads I didn’t check yet this morning.
Take Care:
anitaJanuary 12, 2016 at 11:26 am #92243jimParticipantno didn’t see it, codependent anonymous? I will look for it.
January 12, 2016 at 12:19 pm #92250AnonymousGuestDear jim:
It was in the thread about the 30 day rule.
anitaJanuary 12, 2016 at 3:47 pm #92262jimParticipantHi Anita, Hahaha,nooo! it’s not that I don’t want to think about the relationship anymore. actually I need a break from it! That’s all I do is think about it! I analyze over and over and over in my head, what happen! Did I say something wrong, did I do something wrong, WHAT WENT WRONG! For two people to get alone so well from the day we met. up until I went to her house 2 1/2 hours away! 4 months later. AND, LOL. There really isn’t anything to learn from it? That I can see? we met, hit off really nice, gave it a try and, I don’t know what happen? It is no different from any other relationship? you met, take a chance on find love, it will either work or it won’t? I was musch wiser in the beginning with this one! Because I was protecting my heart! Knowing she was 2 1/2 hours away, long distance relationships very rarely work! Be honest, when you pointed out to me that it sounded like she wasn’t over husband! I THINK? That, is what prevents me from calling, texting, emailing her? It sure helps! BUT, STILL MISS HER! LOL!
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