“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison
Most grief books are written to help you mourn the death of a loved one and learn how to deal with their absence in this world.
Death is probably the most challenging thing a human can face. It breaks us down. It brings us to our knees. Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating.
Losing someone we love is hard. Accepting loss is extremely challenging. So how do we cope with yearning and adapt to the emptiness following a divorce or huge breakup without feeling like a loser or the psycho who cant let go?
It’s an unfair misconception to think that those who have a hard time letting go or are taking longer than usual time to move on are somewhat weak.
Psychology agrees that when a major relationship or marriage ends, the person who was left may feel grief as painfully as someone who lost a loved one to death. Sometimes the pain can even be stronger.
Divorces and breakups can sometimes be worse than death, because the person who died to us is very much alive, haunting our every thought.
I remember how lost I felt right after Mr. Big broke things off with me for the 87th time. I remember packing my car with all my belongings and driving from San Francisco back to Los Angeles with our eight-month-old son in the car crying the entire six hour drive.
I felt as if he had died. My whole world collapsed. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to support our son.
I wondered how he would turn out without his father in his life. Would he feel unloved? Would he wonder why his father cut him off his life? Would he blame himself or think he wasn’t good enough for his dad?
So many questions rushed through my mind while I drove through the vast freeway back home.
I felt humiliated. I felt alone. I felt a variety of feelings and emotions. But the one that I always remember is the feeling of loss. I had lost everything I ever thought I would eventually have. The family, the life and most importantly: the man. The man I had loved for five years had died.
His body was still there but his soul was gone. Everything I ever thought of him was gone. His words were gone. His spiritual presence was gone.
There is a lot more to life than a physical body. Millions of people have experienced the death of their loved ones without ever having to plan their funeral.
When I arrived home it was time to pick up the pieces and move on. At least that’s what everyone around me was telling me.
They expected me to shake everything off and move on with my life as if my son’s father didn’t exist. As if our story didn’t happen. But accepting the death of someone in our lives is a process.
I kept going back and forth between missing him and hating him for leaving. At times the mixed emotions felt like I was literally sinking into insanity. One moment I would cry and the next I would yell.
Nobody told me that grief does that to people, and because I didn’t know what I was feeling was normal, I felt even more alone.
I had never heard of the five stages of grief until I went to see a therapist, because the pain was so unbearable. It’s then I learned that a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance after the death (or loss) of a loved one.
Unlike what I originally believed, there is no specific order to these feelings. You may feel as if you are on an emotional rollercoaster as you are jumping from stage to stage. Its important to know that this emotional ride is normal, and if you get the proper help you will get off of it alive and stronger.
I know what it feels like to not want to get out of bed. I know what it feels like to not want to take a shower, or brush my teeth or even eat.
I know what is like to lose twenty pounds in six weeks, to lose friends and to lose your dignity begging someone to take you back. I know the feeling that the world has ended and you were left behind alone and miserable.
I have been there, so believe me when I say that there is hope.
There is, in fact, a light in the end of the depression tunnel. But the only way to get to that light is to walk through it. There is no way of getting around the process, and the earlier you begin the journey of mourning and healing, the sooner you will reach peace.
The journey is long, but there is no race and no competition. It’s a journey with yourself. There will be days when you will feel stronger than ever and some days will bring you back to your knees.
Just remember: The rollercoaster is the journey. So even when you are down, feeling as if you’ve made no progress, remember that progress is being made every day you choose to be alive.
Progress is being made every day you choose to not call the one who left you.
Progress is being made every day you choose to take another breath.
You are alive. You are strong. You will survive.
About Brisa Pinho
Brisa Pinho is a project manager, aspiring writer, and single mother of a baby boy. She lives in Los Angeles and when she is not changing diapers and putting out temper tantrums, she is drinking wine and over-analyzing her life. She can be found at www.singlemomoutloud.com, where she shares the joys and desperation of single life and motherhood.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Really? Worse than death? Why don’t you try losing the love of your life, watching him/her take a final breath and THEN learn to live alone… and say it’s worse than death.
There is NOTHING worse than death. When you break up or divorce, there is always a possibility, no matter how slim, that things can be worked out.
When someone dies, they are GONE. End of story. No going back and saying the things that you wish you’d said. No making amends. No coffees. No texts. No seeing them on the street.
I’d rather be DIVORCED and know that he’s out there walking around and happy with someone else than to have to go another Christmas without my husband. I’d rather he be alive and LOVING someone else than have to celebrate another Christmas being my children’s only living parent.
Divorce and break ups are NOT worse than death. They are DIFFERENT. But to liken it to worse than death? That shows you have no clue whatsoever. None.
Hello, I am not sure where you read that I stated a breakup or divorce is definitely worse than death. I wrote that IT CAN FEEL that way Every person feels loss in a different way. Years of studies show that The mourning process after a divorce is the same as after a death.
I am sorry you lost your husband. My article wasn’t written to offend you or to dismiss the Intensity of your loss. It was write for those who are going through a loss in which they feel as hurt as you do with the death of your husband. We can’t really measure other people’s pain can we?
Hope you heal soon. And once again I am sorry for your loss.
I’m confused about the “breaking things off for the 87th time” and having an 8 month old son with this man.
87 times was an exaggeration 😛 When you have a kid you try to make it work for way longer than you should. But eventually we Learn and we heal.
Hi Brisa,
I would add that losing the ability to do things the way you used to due to illness, whether temporary or not, falls into the same category. You need to recognize that you are grieving for a loss in much the same way and allow the same patience in the process.
Jeff
Definitely!
Were you married for a number of years and he was stable and loving and thrilled to be a father, then he changed? Don’t misunderstand me. I am not trying to make anything your “fault” or accuse you of anything. I just see so many women with immature self-absorbed men. The women do a ton of the work in the relationship, then are surprised when the guy seem so uncommitted.
I’m pretty sure you are better off without him, even though it’s heartbreaking to end what you hoped, at one time, was a lifetime relationship. The grief, to me, is from the dreams we have of a lifetime that never materializes. We often have a story in our head about what our life is going to be – then it isn’t.
Hi, I have been through both a divorce and a death…not the same at all. The mourning “process” might be labeled the same but the intense pain and finality of losing someone that didn’t want to leave you, where the love was still strong and not marred by infidelity, addiction, abuse etc. as is why a lot of divorces happen, is something no one can imagine unless you have gone through it. You can’t even fathom what happens to the deepest part of your soul. I realize there is pain after a divorce and by no way taking that away, however, it is a slippery slope when one compares it to death.
Brisha, you have walked in my shoes, looked on my soul, written my story. I am still experiencing the roller coaster, eleven years on. Longer gaps in between i must admit but still recurring. When will it ever end, be replaced completely with peace and acceptance. Stella
it is my feeling that it will end when you choose to let it end. I’ve been thru both, the death of a marriage/relationship and the death of a spouse. for me, when i finally decided to be OK with what is, and let go of the pain of the loss all became well again. perhaps having two small (also grieving) children to raise at the time helped me to choose – hard to say for sure what the “aha moment” was but for me, it was a choice. it was my choice.
You may always feel the roller coaster. but being in allowance of the ride of that coaster instead of resisting the ride will make a huge difference in your healing process.
love, light & healing to you…
oh man i can so relate to this ! it’s been a very challenging lesson for me over the past year. good golly, i never looked at it as a form of grief before, (so thank you) i just knew that i needed to find and love who i was now and be ok with the fact that there are things i am not able to do anymore like i used to.
I’m glad it was helpful. I’ve had some challenges this way over the past year as well. Here’s to being ok where we are this minute and not feeling bad about the past or dreading the future. I think it’s Eckhart Tolle that says both of them are illusions. The only thing real is now.
Brisa your story touched me and made me feel your pain and strength. I’m leaving a marriage of 28 years to give myself the chance to be happy and live my life. One which up till today at the age of 54 had always been owned and controlled by my father and then my husband. For a long time I grieved the loss of my marriage. The hopes and dreams I thought would happen for me, but did not. All the years and energy I put into waiting for it to be my turn, but never came. I felt constant heartache. Until one day in counselling I realized loss would of been if I stayed in the marriage and continued living like this,but I did not. I realized I had given myself hope to be happy. To live and own my life. It’s been very hard getting through it on my own but I would never change my decision to go back for anything.
You are a strong woman and I thank you for your words of strength that have helped me during the “journey with myself”. All the best and one day your little boy will see what a wonderful mother he has standing by him.
I am sorry to hear about your loss and your pain. I am glad you could relate to my story. I hope you heal soon! Much love!
Very touching and inspirational story Brisa. I am leaving my marriage of 28 years and felt so much loss from what I thought my life would of become but didn’t. How much energy I had put into it and to finally realize it had never been about my needs or life, but my husband’s. But one day I came to this realization while at a session with with my therapist. I had been crying from the pain of loss I was feeling and then realized, loss had been what I had been experiencing the last 28 years but by making the decision to leave the marriage I had given my chance of hope. Hope for a happy life. To own and live my life. So I understand heartache and pain, from loss. And although I am going through this alone I would never go back to my marriage because moving forward has given me a chance for happiness.Thank you for your article because your words have given me strength. I also believe that one day your son will see what a wonderful and courageous mum he has. Good luck:)
I recently ended a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, since I could no longer handle his controlling behavior. He was constantly pressuring me to have his baby, and marriage. Worse of all, he wanted a stay-at-home for babysitting purposes. I did explain to him about my plans, and I refuse to place both of my college degrees on the back burner, but he didn’t want to hear what I had to say. Although his attitude is extremely sexist, I prefer to be with someone who will look at me as an equal.
Thank you, Brisa, for writing an excellent article.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, and you have my condolences.
Hi Brisa. While I don’t dismiss your feelings of loss and grief at all, I have to disagree that divorce is worse than becoming a widow. My husband died in a car crash, instantly. There were no good byes, and no preparation. My life changed in an instant, I did not have “87” times to decide whether or not I wanted to stay or leave. I also know many other widows who have been through both, although I am not one of them, who have told me that being divorced and widowed have little in common.
I can appreciate the fact that there is great loss in your life due to life changes. You do need to process those changes and do the work to get through to heal yourself, but please, don’t compare it to losing your spouse or partner.
What you describe is exactly how I felt 4 yrs ago. It was like that person (the ex) had died. If I had seen it coming or expected it I may have dealt with it better. I had to cut all contact and extract him from my life forever. I was in survivor mode. I have never felt so hurt, sad & betrayed in my life. It was difficult because NO one understood my journey. It was mine alone. I sought counseling which helped me thru the ugliness of it all. I felt bad for my therapist for having to deal with the waterfall of tears week after week for many sessions but she was kind and understanding. It stirred up things from my childhood. There are still times I feel damaged by it all… Unable or scared too open myself up for love again… But in the end I will be OK… Alone or in love I will be OK… Thanks for a wonderful post for those who have experienced loss to know they are not alone….
I totally agree Amanda .. resisting/fighting the ride makes it last longer. Going with the flow and facing your grief head on makes the ride shorter and easier to bear… Happy Holidays 2 U & your family 🙂
or the grief from realizing the man you thought he was never really existed… grief is not from just one thing from ending a relationship . Its a combination of many different things and its a different journey for everyone
Losing people through death and failed relationship do feel the same for some of us. In one calendar year we lost my husbands parents and I had to cease contact with my emotionally toxic father.
For me both loses hurt the same. There is a big hole in my life where there should be people. Two cannot come back and I doubt my toxic father is suddenly going to change after all there years into becoming a safe person. There are empty places that are going to stay empty regardless of whether or not the missing person is still alive or not.
I have been through both death of very close family and the death of my marriage to my husband of 10 years, who became very controlling and abusive towards the end of our marriage. With the loss of a loved one you have some sort of closure. With the death of a marriage with a ex partner that continues to ‘twist the knife’ time and time again, there is no closure, just endless stressful cycles of loss. Depends on the circumstances, but in my opinion and in my situation, the pain felt in the loss of my marriage has been greater than the pain of losing loved ones.
“His body was still there but his soul was gone. Everything I ever thought of him was gone. His words were gone. His spiritual presence was gone.” YES, this is it for me exactly. Thank you for putting words to feelings…”His spiritual presence was gone.” Yes.
I have lost a few loved ones to death including a beloved pet, which was the hardest of all. But I have also had four long-term relationships end, and for me, grieving those is a much longer process. With my last star-crossed love of over a year and a half, he just suddenly stopped returning my messages, no fight, no break-up, no closure. It’s been seven months since I last saw or spoke to him. I still think about him every single day. I wish he would be willing to have one last conversation with me, a proper good-bye. I’ve gone through the cycles of grief seven times, but I never reach acceptance, despite three different therapists during and after this relationship. It’s as if he’s dead. Just like the dead, he won’t respond if I contact him. But it’s more painful because he’s actively choosing not to be in my life and I don’t understand why, and it’s hard to find peace because a tiny part of me wonders and hopes what if he reaches out to me someday if he ever gets help for his PTSD. It’s easier to change the locks on your heart when you know someone is never coming back.
Respectfully, comparing the ending of a marriage/relationship with the grief of losing a loved one is illogical and frankly a little insulting.
How can you pretend to know what actual grief feels like when you have never gone through it?
The same thing happened to me. I fell completely and absolutely in love for a little over a year, and then all of a sudden he just left. And when I mean he left I mean he disappeared. He deleted his number, email, everything. He moved and didn’t even tell me, for all I know he could be in Japan right now. The thing is it is like he’s dead. And it’s like he’s chosing to be dead only to me, I don’t even have the choice of trying to contact him because he’s erased himself and all his contact info from my life. And I do still think of him and love him and it’s torture to know that he doesn’t care about what I’m feeling right now or is happy with someone else. When you lose a loved one, they don’t wish grief on you and they’re not actively avoiding you. They still love you just as much as you loved them. And I agree, it’s easier to reach acceptance when you know they’re not coming back. But with a break up like mine there’s always a small part of me hoping he’ll come back, or suddenly decide O try and contact me again and that tiny voice is never ever going to go away or let me get over the loss
My wife (ex by February, since California has a 6 month divorce waiting period) and I, seen in my photo, were married for 8 years, 9 months, and 8 days before we separated. The separation was hard, but on good terms. A month later she brutallized me repeatedly. Now, I’ve loved that woman our entire marriage and she loved me as well. But, on a day shortly before our 9th anniversary, when I was trying to reconcile, she spun on a dime and became an evil, horrible harridan. We have 3 kids, one a daughter of which was hers from another man and became legally mine by paternity challenge due to the fact that I had raised her and her biological father was absent the entirety of her life at that point. Because of my wife’s actions and words, our daughter is estranged from me, will not talk to me except in passing, will not spend time with me. I have half custody but she chooses not to be with me, EVER. By 3 months of separation I was panicked, heartbroken, lonely, distressed in every sense of the word. When I decided to move back into the house we bought the year before, my wife moved her and our children’s things out. She delivered the most incredibly soul shattering announcement, in a tone and with an attitude reserved for traitors and cheaters, that she’d been developing a relationship with someone else for a month. I spent over 30 hours awake after that, in more emotional pain than anyone can believe, filing for divorce. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We signed papers 3 weeks ago and the time leading up to that day was bad, but couldn’t compare to the actual day and 2 weeks afterwards.
I love that woman still, and it crushes me EVERY DAY that I can’t talk to her, spend time with her, raise our children together. Share the daily stresses and comfort her when she is hurt. The man she “loved” dumped her, and she still avoided me after.
People who pretend like a marriage ending cannot be compared to a loved one passing are ignorant of how that feels. It is as the author said: It is a soul killing life that has a loved one who has rejected them. It is worse for people like me whose life was destroyed like this, where rejection came out of NOWHERE. 10 months ago, we were happy; we had happy children, a new house, I got a new job, we were paying all the bills and taking vacations. And then (SNAP!) it was over.
Do not EVER downplay another persons’ life, and the pain they are dealing with. You would be surprised at how much suffering and misery someone can feel in a situation you disregard.
I still feel destroyed, and its been several weeks.
I have to agree with you. Grief is grief, and loss is loss, and no one can negate or justify either for anyone else’s pain, only for our own. We all define our own hurts. We ALL feel pain whether through divorce, death, ill health, etc. and the cause really does not matter. Pain is pain. Mine is no worse or better than anyone’s.
I wish you peace in letting go and finding a new path.
I totally agree with you. My marriage ended suddenly for me after twenty five years, I knew nothing of what my wife had been thinking and less of what she had been doing. I was completely deceived. As far as I was concerned she was the love of my life, my soul mate and my best friend and I loved her and in an instant, just as much as if she had been killed in a car accident, she was gone forever. But worse far worse worse was to come…no sympathy from many of those friends and family that I’d known for so long, many of them were lost to me as they took sides, then came the financial onslaught and worst of all when she tried to take the children away from me to live with her and the man she had been seeing for two years and turn them against me ….no one who simply loses a spouse through death has to contend with any of this on top of losing their loved one. Neither do they have to be tortured by the indescribable misery of the thoughts of their loved one sleeping with someone else, wondering when it first happenned, how often, where and how and what they were doing at the time. It goes on and on and on, the loss , the guilt, the humiliation, the blame the legal battle…..I lost my wife every bit as much as if she had died and I wish she had, I have no happy memories of half my life now, I live from day to day not knowing where I am going, I feel I’ve lost my future and certainly lost half my past, doomed to live in limbo trying to shut out what happened. So don’t anyone dare tell me that losing someone is worse, in no way does it compare for me…..this was five years ago and it doesnt go away….I’ve grieved over the loss of my parents and other close relatives, I know what it is like to lose people I’ve loved through death but I have got through that and learned to have nothing but happy memories of them which I can share with others. My divorce just leaves a huge nasty black hole in my life full of indescibable pain that just fails to go away…and that I can’t share any of that with others like I can grieving over a lost love…
I have experienced the loss of a loved one through death and through a break up. They are, obviously, two distinct ways of losing a partner. However, they both experience loss.
Having a living partner that we have broken all ties with and didn’t want to is EXTREMELY hard. It is like a death. Worse is loving them and knowing that it’s over, it’s done, and they are moving on an de building a life with someone else which is everything we had ever wished for with this person. It is devastating…just like death but in a different way.
You are so right! I was in a relationship for a long time (17 years) and he decided he wanted to break up. There were addiction issues with him and I wanted him to work on them so we could have a healthier relationship. I have been in counseling and support groups to work on myself. It hurts so bad that he didn’t want to fight for “us”. I think it would be easier if he died. I have no idea where he is and I know he is seeing someone else. The pain is excruciating. Always thinking and wondering. A big betrayal! Death is very painful yes, but knowing that the person is somewhere out there with someone else is absolutely horrible!!!
I went through the loss of a loved one though death (my father) and through the lost of my husband (divorce). Both hurt, but 2 years later the divorce hurts almost daily, just as the writer described.
I think this is actually quite a complex concept to understand.
I have lost people who died, (and before their time which is more shocking of course. One close friend in a road accident, one close friend to suicide and one close family member to sudden illness).
I have also lost relationships – one recently where I have been completely devastated.
To be honest I have found the intense feelings of grief (and the questioning that goes with it) to be exactly the same.
However what I’ve come to realise as I’ve thought about this issue is that the grief for death and the loss of relationship might feel similar but they are completely different.
It is important to remember that when you lose a relationship you are not grieving for the loss of the person. They are still alive. You are grieving for the loss of the relationship.
You are grieving for thing you had between you and the loss of the precious times you shared together. You are possibly grieving for the loss of a friendship. You are grieving for the loss of an intimacy and connection which you believed in,trusted and valued, that for whatever reason has turned out not to be what it promised or what you hoped for.
It is that you have lost, not the person who you shared those things with. It’s actually not grief for having lost them.
You may be hurting too about what the person you trusted has done to you.
These things lead to grief and questioning.
When someone dies it is finite and then you grieve for the loss of the person themselves.
When a relationship dies usually that is finite too.
Grief follows both and in that respect I think the grief experience is similar for each.
I am dealing with this now and sad to see the last post a year ago as I need help now. My relationship with certain members of my family resulted in the loss is all the Thu go that were important to me including my marriage, career and even the animals I love..i have never recovered after more than 30 years and sometimes feel completely overwhelmed with grief. I did not know there were stages and u know I need help…I hope I can fund it
I completely agree. In some way, it is even worser. I once had fight with my closest friend and she completely ended friendship. After that I begged her for forgiveness for months. It’s been around 4.5 months now. I literally thought of her like my family member. And I am not joking.
For 1-2 months, I was literally like someone close to me have died. I was neither eating or talking or doing anything else. It’s really the worse feeling of my whole life. If she was died (not that i want it), I would at least visit her home, cry for her, and be sad. But I am completely helpless now. I cannot do anything other than pretending she is dead. I feel I have lost a very important part of me.
For months, I tried telling her how important she is to me, and how much a chance from her means to me. But she didn’t forgiven me. I know I made a big mistake but I promised her I am never going to make such mistake ever again. And I really meant it. I was really going to very very careful and think always twice before speaking to her. I’m also very angry over her too. She only heard my angry words, never my feelings or anything else. I feel very betrayed now too. I feel I can never trust anyone again. I have lost desire to love others in future. I have lost all my dignity and self respect begging to her. But she didn’t thought for a second about me. It’s like I don’t even exist. That’s how much she respect me.
In this thread I see responses to her statement comparing divorce to becoming a widow. Stories of extreme loss and pain are shared in this thread. All I can say is that no one will win the who hurts worse battle. Pain needs acknowledgement. Whether by death or divorce, loss is painful and complicated to work through
Jeff,
Thank you so much for that insight – I have been going through this with my spouse and it’s been devastating watching all the parallels fall into place that seem to be leading to the same end. I hope it can help me keep perspective and find a different outcome.
Hi Forrest, I’m happy to help any way I can. I can’t underscore enough how important every moment in our lives is. I find myself forgetting this quite often myself but I’m still working on it-LOL! Best to you and your spouse!
Hi Brisa,
Would you have any book recommendations regarding this post?
Thank you. Sarah
Brisa, you have no idea how much I needed this. My Dad (my best friend in the entire world) passed away a year ago. Shortly after that, I caught my fiance of 6 yrs sexting and sending inappropriate messages to coworkers. One coworker in particular seemed more like relationship type messages. I left him and he begged for me to come back. I told him he needed to stop communication with the coworkers but he just couldn’t do it. He said it was work related and said he’d go for a polygraph to prove he didn’t cheat but the texts were enough for me…especially right after my father passed away. It turns out, he got fired from his job for sexual harassment and sneakily moved in with the girl while trying to win me back. I essentially lost 2 people in my life. There are days when I just want to tell him that we can work through it and everything will be ok (because this behavior didn’t start until after I lost my Dad who he was close to as well) but other times I’m so angry that the mere thought of him disgusts me. I’m upset for not seeing it sooner…his 100+ hrs/week at work. The change in his behavior and the way he acted. Did I mention she’s married? I stopped all communication with him because I there’s no reason for us to talk. I have to take him to court for running up my credit cards and he stole my car. At times I wonder if im.acting crazy because I think “there will be a day that he snaps out of this and realizes what he lost and what he’s doing”. He’s lost all his friends, he stole from his family, got fired from a job, says his life is miserable and all this other stuff. It’s not the man I fell in love with..but I can’t hold on to the hope that that man will come back because it’s slowly dragging me down. So I’ve treated it like a death. He’s asked to meet up to talk and I’ve declined. I need to separate myself completely from him in order to start the grieving process. No matter how badly I want to text him and ask if he’s happy and what would make him happy…I can’t do that to myself. It’s one day at a time and im.stronger with each day that passes
Very well said. My grief has gone on for 5 years and the sense of loss is just too painful some days. I was left with a brain injury the day our marriage ended, that alone changed me and things I was able to do previously are not outside of my capabilities. Like you I wish he had died. I lost both parents before I turned 40, acceptance came in time despite still missing them. My divorce, however, has been quite different. Lost friends, assumptions, comparisons rather than compassion, financial exploitation and theft, but most of all – BETRAYAL. To have trusted someone and have them want to raze you to the ground is nothing short of soul rape. Those lucky enough to have amicable divorces are blessed yet still they suffer loss. Every aspect of your life, your dreams, your future shattered. Where are the memories I can hold on to?
This is the very same experience i’m going through right now. It’s been 4 months since I lost a great friend and the pain is still there. How are you holding up? Is there really a hope after all this unfornunate event?
I will only say it get lesser with time. It’s almost 10 months now for me. I don’t remember my friend or her voice or anything about it. So it will pass eventually one day in your life
But turned out I am suffering from a different problem. I don’t miss my friend. But I am crazy. I suffer from constant extreme loneliness and depression. I didn’t know about it earlier. I thought I am upset because I lost my friend, but it’s not that.
I will just say one thing. Don’t make the same mistake I made. I just locked myself into my home for 8 months. Leave home everyday, go to job or study. Even if you are doing stupid things, don’t lock yourself into home to avoid doing stupid things. Do stupid things. I have suicidal thoughts now because of depression. I never want to kill myself because I had fight with a friend. I am suffering from another bigger problem now.
i am sorry to hear about that. i hope you’re okay. why don’t you consider getting a professional help? just keep going as things will eventually get better! and thanks for responding to me, i really appreciate it. i still miss my friend though, but looking forward that someday this too shall pass.
I am already taking professional help. I also joined a job in October. It helps. Sometime I feel awesome now. Sometime I just wish to die. I was feeling amazing whole day today but I feel like crying since evening now.
But yes… just keep living and pass your day. For me it didn’t faded a bit for like 6 months but slowly all memories keep fading now.