Dear Jack:

It is the brain scanning the environment for danger: where is the next threat coming from… the brain is scanning, automatically, it is its habit ever since early years when you were afraid repeatedly and not comforted. It was born then, the brain scanning for threats so to protect yourself when threatened or even better, spot it before it happens and run away, as you did in the coffee shop.

Part of you realize it doesn’t make sense, no real evidence, but why takes chances? The brain looks at the waitress, yes, it may be so, it says, the threat may very well be real, might as well leave.

anita

I do this A LOT. Hyper vigilance … yes, I see that. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t a bit of uber-empathy. Somehow sensing the pain of others around you — especially in this loaded situation, where there are a lot of people in one location — internalizing it and applying it to yourself. The waitress looked angry … you MUST be the cause. Most likely not, of course. Just a thought.

I like the scanning for threats thing.

In my cBT course we look at acknowledging those thoughts because everybody has them to some degree and then doing a quick reality check:
They don’t want me here. They hate me. Ok check. .. have I just come in 5 mins before closing time? Has the waitress just seen to a horrible customer? Haa she just spilt coffee down herself? Did I accidentally ask for coffee in a nasty manner? Did I put mud on her clean floor? Did I forget to smile?
What reasons can I imagine that this waitress who doesn’t know me take an instant dislike to me opersonally? Is there a chance that she’s cross but not with me? If I stand my ground will the world blow up?

If you’re scowling at the waitress thinking she hates you theres a good chance you’re sending scowling vibes at her which she’ll take personal and scowl back . Self fulfilling prophecy