“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” ~Buddha
You know the feeling …
When out of the blue your mood switches.
One moment you’re feeling upbeat and optimistic; next you’re feeling down in the dumps.
You can’t think clearly and struggle to put things into perspective. The bright outlook on life of a moment ago has vanished, and in its place now resides an intense longing for its return.
You feel disconnected, lost, and confused, and everything around you looks and feels dark and bleak. And even though you have no reason to feel this way, it feels all too real to you.
And you know where that leads. You’ve been there many times before and don’t want to go back.
I know the feeling too.
Recovery is such an illusory term.
It implies that once recovered, the depression is gone. But those who have recovered know this is false.
Recovering from Depression Is Not the End of the Battle
Having spent half of my life depressed, two years after recovery, I still find myself waging the battle of relapse. A battle that at times seems harder to fight than the recovery—just as you tasted the sweetness of the non-depressed life, you never again want to taste the bitterness of depression.
On the surface, a mood swing looks like “having a bad day.” The kind everyone experiences and snaps out of quickly. But for those with depression, the consequences of mood swings can be severe and lasting.
First, there’s the sudden change in mood, the one that is more than “feeling-down-soon-will-snap-out-of-it,” followed by a drastic change in outlook. One moment you’re looking at life through clean lenses, and now dirty ones blur your vision.
Then the inevitable guests start showing up—low self-confidence, paralyzed will, self-loathing, and the most dreaded of all, inertia.
Not getting completely trapped in the spell of this depressed mood is key in preventing relapse, which is not always easy to do.
How to Keep Depression from Disrupting Your Life
I used to believe depression was about “feelings,” so my focus was on understanding and managing my emotions. An approach that not always kept me from relapse—until I learned about the connection between thoughts-feelings-behaviors and about mastering one’s mood, which gave me a new perspective on depression.
We think. We feel. We behave.
“It is an obvious neurological fact that before you can experience any event, you must process it with your mind and give it meaning. You must understand what is happening to you before you feel it.” ~David D. Burns, M.D.
So, how do you master your mood? Well, it’s not that hard. It involves the following:
1. Detecting the mood change, its severity, and duration.
For me, the most severe of mood changes, when I’m most vulnerable to relapse, is when it lasts more than a couple of days.
2. Knowing the consequences of giving in to the depressed mood, as this is key in forcing you to take action.
In my case, it always leads to the vicious cycle of procrastination, guilt, regret, and self-loathing. A cycle that, once started, is difficult to break.
3. Taking action to keep the depressed mood from lasting too long.
The longer it lasts, the more debilitating it becomes, and the harder it is to get back to normal.
One of the things I used to do as soon as my mood changed was write about how I felt, a strategy that didn’t always keep me from relapse. But when I came across Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns and learned about the thinking patterns of depression, I found a new way to battle it.
The 10 Thinking Patterns You Need to Recognize to Prevent Relapse
A few weeks ago, I found myself close to relapse after having completed a major project—one I’d been working on for a while that needed to be done—which put all other work on hold. When it was done, I felt pretty good, but the feeling didn’t last long, and I soon found my mood changing.
One moment I was feeling happy and proud of what I’d accomplished; next I was miserable and beating myself down.
I had no reason for feeling the way I did, and this was confirmed when I put the thoughts behind the feelings to the test using the ten thinking patterns of depression to challenge them.
1. All-or-nothing.
At the core of perfectionism is the tendency to evaluate ourselves in terms of absolutes and nothing in between—good or bad, winner or loser, smart or dumb. In this situation, not being able to do both—complete my project and keep up with other work—pointed to not having achieved the “perfect situation.”
2. Overgeneralization.
Believing that if something bad happened once, it will happen over and over and over. “I did it again,” the thoughts that reinforced the belief it will always be this way—unable to manage and prioritize my work.
3. Mental filter.
The tendency to focus on one negative aspect of a situation while ignoring all other positive evidence. In spite of having completed the project, my focus was solely on “how behind I was.”
4. Disqualifying the positive.
More destructive than mind-filtering, this involves taking a positive experience and turning it into a completely negative one. With all the distorted thinking already stewing in my head, the sense of achievement from this moment was replaced by a sense of failure for not being able to keep up with everything else.
5. Jumping to conclusions.
Automatically jumping to negative conclusions without any basis for it. The immediate assumption here was that “I’ll never be able to catch up,” even though I always have in similar past circumstances.
6. Magnification and minimization.
The tendency to magnify our mistakes and weaknesses while minimizing our successes and strengths. The heightened sense of failure for not being able to keep up obscured my abilities and skills to overcome this and any other challenges.
7. Emotional reasoning.
Looking at life through painful eyes where everything looks bleak and dark. Once the wheels of distorted thinking were set in motion, everything I needed to do to get caught up appeared daunting and impossible.
8. Should statements.
The useless mind-noise resulting from being disappointed with ourselves and the world, reminding us of what we could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve done differently. “I should’ve tried harder to keep up.” “I must do all of this to catch up.” These were the thoughts that began popping into my head.
9. Labeling and mislabeling.
The constant labeling and mislabeling of ourselves in a self-deprecating manner. Once trapped in this way of thinking, the usual self-loathing terms to devalue myself showed up—loser, not smart enough, can’t do anything right.
10. Personalization.
Feeling responsible and guilty when there’s no reason for it. Even though I had a valid reason to do what I did (postpone other work), I blamed myself and felt horrible for finding myself in the situation I was in.
Everyone thinks in this manner at one time or another.
But for those with depression, it’s a way of life, with each distortion feeding and supporting the others, keeping us in a constant state of emotional turmoil.
Transforming the Distorted Thinking of Depression
Giving the insane thinking of the depressed mind a name, an identity, takes away its power to make us depressed. A power that lies in its obscure nature and that, once exposed, can be seen and defeated.
This new way of understanding how the depressed mind thinks revealed how most (if not all) of the time when I’m depressed, it has nothing to do with what’s going on in my life but rather the result of distorted thinking.
Today, armed with this knowledge, whenever I feel the depressed mood coming on, I immediately start jotting down the thoughts that pop into my head. I give them form by labeling them, and then I replace them with rational ones by questioning their validity.
In this situation, the negative thoughts “I am so behind, and I’ll never catch up” kept me from acknowledging the positive aspects of having completed a major project. A form of mind-filtering, they persisted, making me feel overwhelmed, guilty, and anxious, all potentially leading to relapse.
On the surface, “falling behind” was true. However, the underlying assumption—that I intentionally procrastinated—was wrong.
When I realized this, the distorted thoughts lost their validity giving way to a more accurate and rational way of thinking: That this was a major project that needed to be completed and required all my attention. And that “putting everything else on hold” was a conscious choice made and not due to procrastination.
Master Your Mood and Stop Being Victimized by Depression
One by one, I challenged and transformed every distorted thought until there were none. As a result, my mood improved, and I went back to relishing the joy and pride the moment warranted for having completed the project.
You can do it too.
Master the mood of depression so it doesn’t take over your life.
Learn to master it, and never again feel the fear of relapse.
Break the chains of its prison by giving form to its formless thinking, and free yourself once and for all.
And never allow depression to keep you from fully and uninterruptedly savoring the joy that life brings!
*This post represents one woman’s unique experience of preventing a depression relapse. If you’re struggling with depression and nothing seems to help, you may want to contact a professional.
Depressed image via Shutterstock
About Pat Roa-Perez
A writer and spiritual teacher, Pat is on a mission to help women eliminate the sabotaging noise in their heads that keeps them stuck and unhappy. She's now sharing the spiritual lessons that helped her recover from lifetime depression and find her true purpose. Download some of her wisdom in How You Can Drastically Change Your Life Without Making Any Drastic Life Changes.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Ahhh, a fellow David Burns “Feeling Good” fan. When I found myself in my own anxiety and depression, I read so many books. Then I found “Feeling Good”. Dr. Burns 10 Twisted Thinking Styles that need to stop truly was my breakthrough. I went down all ten and sat there saying “yup that’s me” over and over.
Finally, I changed and changed and challenged myself over and over and it began to take hold. I stopped the negative self-chatter in my head. I said “I can try” instead of “I can’t”. I finally changed and just wrote a blog article about my own recent “I can” accomplishment: http://bullyingrecovery.org/2015/09/28/how-setting-goals-changed-my-life/. Dr. David Burns wrote that book in 1980 and it took me 33 years to discover it after being written. Now I refer back to it daily. Thanks for sharing it to a larger audience.
I enjoyed this article, thanks. One thing the author did not cover, though, was the difference between what I think of as “situational” depression and “chemical” depression. The former is well-discussed in her article. The latter was not. Some of us with depression have to first find a level playing field through medication. THEN we can learn to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My form of depression is a chemical imbalance, which I take medication for. Once that is addressed, it’s easier to apply the techniques outlined in the article.
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I’m glad you enjoyed the article, Stephanie. And yes, you’re right. Medication is often needed before you can apply any strategies, especially if you’ve been depressed for a long time. However, once we start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, we need to create a toolbox of strategies to continue battling this demon.
Like you, I read many books on depression and only recently came across Feeling Good. A lifetime of depression, even after recovery, doesn’t go away easily and one needs to continually find ways to battle it. BTW, your post on setting goals resonates, especially the part about taking small bites, which is particularly important in avoiding procrastination.
Thank you about the feedback on setting goals. I think it was apropos that your article came out same week as mine, as one talks about getting rid of the negative thinking and the other shows what can be done when you do.
You’re welcome!
Hey Pat – wonderful post and very brave.
What a fantastically honest and helpful post Pat. Such positive strategies, so clearly explained. Questioning and replacing distorted thoughts is absolutely key to halting that cycle. Thanks for sharing Pat.
Thanks for commenting, Laura. I’m glad you found it helpful. And I would add something more. Depressed or not, we all can benefit from the practice of questioning the compulsive and automatic thinking that often doesn’t serve us well and can only be eliminated or transformed when we become aware of it.
Thanks, Mark!
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Pat, thank you for a truly honest post and sharing your struggles with us. I think a lot of us can develop these kinds of thinking patterns without spiraling to depression. So it’s useful to know what they are and how to prevent them. Great advice!
Best,
Andrea
Thank you so much for your post. Every point you made in this article applies. At 25, I took a step back and realized that I had been depressed and anxious for the majority of my life. Sadly, I can’t remember remember what event or what age brought on the anxiety and depression. My family didn’t think to get help for me because I was a seemingly well behaved child, I always received good grades, I had friends, and I never got into trouble at school. However, I was extremely anxious, I remember throwing up before heading into novel social atmospheres, in high school I struggled with excessive sweating, I self-harmed in secret, and in 7th grade I felt the result of stress on my heart as I regularly experienced chest pains. As an adult, I realized that my whole family is chronically depressed and some of them will never climb out of it. Not only was I depressed from my own personal struggles, but I was surrounded by depressed people. I grew up listening to negative thinking, and people refusing to get out of the bed. The 10 Patterns that Lead to Depression are all the things that were demonstrated to me as a child. As an adult, I feel in all 10 traps constantly, and I still do. The past couple of years, I’ve decided to say “f” it to depression and anxiety, and really work hard for the things I love. I have put myself in extremely uncomfortable and vulnerable situations. Some times I have failed, other times I’ve been wildly successful! However, as the excitement of success fades, I quickly fall into depression and succumb to all 10 of those thinking patterns. But now I no that I’m not alone, or it’s not simply an issue I have. It’s a result of my damn brain! The key is to take control of the brain, and not let it control you. Next time I am depressed I will read this article again for release! Thank you so much! Blessings to you!!
Great post Pat!
As someone who also suffers from depression I want to thank you for sharing how it’s impacted your life and the techniques you use to curb its impact. Because you were willing to share, I learned a few things that I’d not considered before!
Keep up the good works!
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You know, Quinn. I used to think those afflicted with this illness knew what I know. And then one day, while visiting an online support group, I shared a few things and some people replied. They told me they didn’t know or that they had gained a new perspective. It was then when I realized I had to share. Depression is a personal experience and I know that what works for one may not work for others. So, in sharing my struggles and wins battling depression, my hope is something will resonate and help some. Thank you for commenting.
I’m glad you found this post helpful. In sharing your story, you bring up a couple of things that need to be pointed out. Yes, it’s often hard to tell when depression starts, especially if it develops at a young age. Also, you touched on something that gets lost in the amount of information there is today on depression–that it runs in families, something parents need to know as it puts their children at a higher risk. Thank you, DannyGirl, for sharing your story and adding to the conversation. And never give up trying to heal! I’m cheering for you!
You’re right. One does not need to be depressed to think in this manner. I suppose being depressed makes it easier to see the impact this constant way of thinking has in our lives. But everyone can benefit from challenging the automatic thinking that goes on in our heads and which not always serves us well. Thanks for commenting, Andrea.
Love your comment, Petz! It gives me a chance to add a little more to the post. The quote is within the context of depression. However, remove bad and distorted thinking and what remains is true for all: Every feeling you have is the result of your thinking. And you’re right about there being no thinking distortion behind the feelings that would arise from the situations you mentioned. The difference, though, is that for the depressed, the same feelings of sadness result from almost any situation regardless of significance or importance. Thank you for helping me clarify this.
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Hi Pat Roa-Perez,
You’ve nicely dissected the depression that identifies the lurking patterns of thoughts. This helps definitely. Thanks!
We also need to be careful not to fall into the trap of making our self a victim by believing that our depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. Such physical factors are potent triggers of depression but not the cause. the cause is a product of how we react psychologically to those triggers (internal or external) and that reaction is governed by habit and it can be changed through practices such as Mindfulness Therapy and CBT.
Peter Strong, PhD
Boulder Center for Online Mindfulness Therapy for Anxiety and Depression.
Author of ‘The Path of Mindfulness Meditation’ (Amazon, Kindle). Inquiries welcome!
I think it is also important to understand that distorted negative thinking is a product of unresolved core emotion – depression. In Mindfulness Psychology we understand that emotion precedes thought, and not the other way around. Thoughts can trigger core emotion, but do not create it. Habitual negative thoughts will, however feed the underlying emotions rather like wood will feed a fire (but wood does not cause fire!).
This is why it is so important to direct our vipassana meditation onto the depression itself, because that is what will heal the depression directly, at least that has been my experience as a mindfulness therapist over the years.
Guilty as charged. I’ve had depression for most of my life and pretty much learned to live with it, with the help of Prozac. However the past 3 years filled with deaths, seemingly insurmountable obstacles and loneliness have about done me in. But I’ll keep trudging away… Articles like this do help immensely, so thank you.
I agree. And I thought I was depressed BEFORE the deaths of my husband and step-son, the collapse of the business, the automobile accident, my aunt’s fall into dementia… sometimes it seems to never stop. It’s definitely not just my “distorted negative thinking”, but my current life situation.