Hi marvelgirl,

I’m going to say that you guys did things backwards. For some reason it’s difficult to get into romantic relationship mode after you do passionate mode first. You miss the getting to know you, the will-he-won’t-he, the butterflies. And he does too, by the way! Men are geared to pursue what they want and if it’s just handed to them, they focus on other things.

I’m not sure how you can turn this around. You guys being with each other seems like a habit. You are default go-to buddies.

If it were me I’d say, “Let’s have dinner and a movie OUT.” And not have sex that night but do have cuddling. Dress up for him. Somehow change the script. Say, “Now that you are special to me I want to make this special. If you don’t feel the same way now, you now know that I’m looking for a relationship, and maybe it will work out one day if I’m not with someone.”

If he says “No” say “Goodbye my Friend” and don’t have hookups with him again.

If he says “Yes”, great!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Your best bet is to just have the conversation about what you both want. If you want a relationship, tell him and see what he says. If he wants to keep it as FWBs then you have a decision to make. You either continue as is even though you are developing feelings for him (which could be very hard and painful) or you move on to find someone who wants a relationship in the same way you do. Most people don’t have these conversations because they fear the other party’s answer and having to make a choice, but delaying it only causes more pain down the road. Have the conversation and see what happens.

Best of luck!
~Jodi