Dear ALBB:

You wrote in your post that he is your “best friend”- that didn’t sound true to me and more so when at the end of your post you wrote: “I guess the truth is Im scared to be without him and i do really love him but hes said multiple times through out relationship if we break up then that’s it.”

A Best Friend is not a person who tells you: if you are no longer my girlfriend then you are not my friend. So will you consider not thinking of him as what he is not? A best friend is someone who is there for you whether or not you have physical intimacy with you, whether or not you live with him.

You are confused and distressed because on one hand you want to leave him and on the other hand you are afraid to leave him, two conflicting emotions: leave/ not leave. He must be aware of your conflict because you told him three times you want to break up. Yet, things “go back to normal.”

The fact that things “go back to normal” means that he ignored your assertion each time that you want to break up- and you ignored the same, going back to … normal. Going back to normal means: we are going to ignore ALBB- AGAIN.

So “normal” is ignoring YOU.

“Normal” is also safe for you, relatively safe.

Why is ignoring you safer than listening to you, behaving like what you say, what you feel matters?

anita

Continuing to be with someone because you are afraid to be without them isn’t fair to either of you and serves no one in the long run. It sounds like you are unhappy with how things are, and even with your efforts to change the relationship, he’s content with the status quo. If this is the case, maybe taking some time away from the relationship will give you a new perspective on what you want and need from a relationship (regardless of whether or not it is with him) Once you have a handle on that, you can revist your relationship with him and see if he is on the same page. You can then come up with a plan for changing things so that you are both getting what you want and need. Good luck!

~Jodi