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My best friend is possesive and I feel guilty

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  • July 1, 2015 at 8:09 am #79086
    Inky
    Participant

    Oh Dear Lord Nicole!

    I know EXACTLY how you feel! Even as a grown 40 something year old woman I have recently had this.

    One neighbor, C, started calling me “BEST FRIEND”, really emphasizing the words. I felt kind of forced to say that back to her. I hemmed and hawed and said something like, “Well my childhood friend J is my historic best friend, and you are my best friend in this town, that’s for sure!” Now, that wasn’t entirely true, as I could easily say that to two other people in town! I think she got the hint and backed off.

    But THEN! We were at an event and I saw my dear friend B, who used to be my neighbor. We both have the same kind of mixed heritage and background, so we “get” each other. Now, I never talk on and on about B, or even barely mention her. But C was totally threatened! She was all, “That’s enough of B!” when I’m all, “Let’s sit together”.

    Now, being 40-ish, that’s a drag. I will now forever have to strategically plan get togethers and parties where they will not only be sparate, but so they each won’t hear about it (especially C!!). Thankfully everyone is saddled with kids so it’s not a big deal. But jealousy IS the most annoying feeling in the world! Understandable for romance NOT friendship IMO!

    I would call your friend’s bluff and say, “I have several friends, actually, as you do. Your reaction is really weird. So I WON’T mention E! I think you made the best decision for both of us, S.”

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    July 1, 2015 at 2:18 pm #79092
    Happygirl2015
    Participant

    Hi Nicole,

    I can relate to your friend S. When I was in my early 20’s and new to my city, I made a best friend (K).. We’d been good friends for a few years when I met another girl (M)… M was super bubbly and I liked her right away but little did I realize that although she was older than me, she was kind of immature… I wasn’t sure I would end up staying friends with her but none the less brought her to meet K. The two became friends and I felt awkward and a little left out at times… So I experienced some jealous feelings with K. Today, 20 yrs later, we’re all good friends.

    From my experience, the reaction that S had is more about S than you and E. She has stuff going on in her life and head that is making her act out this way. Namely, i’d say she’s insecure with herself and with the relationship the two of you have. Have you tried sitting her down and asking her what’s prompting all of this?

    Maybe a little compassion and friendly support is all she needs? In any case, I am not saying her behaviour is excusable and right, I just think that good friends are hard to come by and if she is a good friend, then she deserves some compassion and support and a second chance.

    Have the talk, see what may really be going on and then see if things change or not and whether the relationship can continue.

    Best of luck.

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