“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown
Now that the fog of what everyone else wanted for me has lifted, it seems so clear to me that we need to be who we truly are—not what society expects us to be. But it wasn’t always this way.
For decades, I bought into a model of success that belonged to someone else. I was studying for my MBA, but I didn’t want my friends to think I was weird, so I didn’t reveal that I was a yogi. I didn’t want them to not take me seriously, to laugh at the thought of me doing yoga while wearing a business suit.
And I wouldn’t tell my yoga students that I liked heavy metal because I feared it would make me look less spiritual. When was the last time you heard the Dalai Lama talk about Ozzy Osbourne?
I didn’t delve into the artistic sides of my spirit—the parts that painfully wanted to celebrate music, art, or poetry—because I was led to believe it was a distraction from my professional career. I was caught in a catch-22 where I couldn’t be one thing because I was another. Society would only accept me as one.
Reality Doesn’t Bite
In fact, I have seen the exact opposite. The more I practice finding, being, and expressing myself, the more prosperity I experience and the better I perform in business. Most importantly, I’m living the advice we give our kids: be yourself.
By finding our true selves, we can express ourselves internally and to those around us, and that’s when we become aware of this symphony. Today, we often get trapped in the little “self,” or the pain body, as Eckhart Tolle calls it. It’s the false mask we put on to protect ourselves and fit in with others’ expectations.
Connecting with our true selves is challenging—we often feel a great deal of pressure to meet societal demands of who we should be or what we should look like, often in direct conflict with authenticity. Yet we have the great potential to unveil our true selves and rock the universe.
Break Past Societal Demands
Societal demands know no bounds—they impact both men and women, but they affect them in different ways.
I’ve found that, while self-expression is difficult for everyone, men often put up a different façade of who they think they need to be at work and home; then, they pretend that it’s not a façade. Women, on the other hand, are more aware of this façade.
Women are also more reluctant to express all the facets of their personalities until they’re comfortable with a group. Men will often put up a façade and stay in it longer. Women need a sense of trust to open up, which takes time. In both cases, inauthenticity can lead to dysfunction, stress, disease, and distance from your highest potential.
Uncover Your True Identify
That’s not to say that you must express all facets of who you are at all times for all people. As humans, we must be authentic and true with the aspects of ourselves that we do express in each context. Letting only certain facets of the diamond in you shine in various settings is perfectly fine as long as it’s a facet of the true you—not a false mask.
Here are some actions you can take to tap into spirit by tapping into your authentic self:
1. Do yoga.
I strongly recommend Kundalini Yoga, which works at all levels—physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual. It gets you out of your head and helps you uncover your unique vibrations without letting your brain or fear take over.
2. Sit in silence for a few minutes.
I do this every day. Sit in the space of your greatness and spirit. Do nothing, chant nothing, and don’t worry about how you sit; just be. Sounds easy, right? Try it. It’s one of the hardest things for many people to do, yet it’s the most powerful way to get connected to your true source.
3. Self-reflect.
When you think, “I can’t be that way” or “What will they think?” ask yourself where this voice is coming from. Is it fear, the need to be liked, or a need to fit in? Then, adjust your strategy and take a few risks. Find a way to be authentically present and engaged, and let that part of you speak, act, or even stay silent.
4. Put pen to paper.
Ask yourself for details of who you are, and write them down. Ask yourself, “Am I authentic in my expression and experience of each of these roles? What is one thing I can do to move closer to my authentic expression in each facet of who I am—my words, my appearance, and my actions?” If you journal first thing in the morning, it propels you to another whole level of self-realization.
5. Tune out the negativity.
When you’re watching TV or reading a magazine or a website and you hear the message “you’re not good enough as you are,” turn it off or simply say, “I reject that.” You’re a powerful and divine expression of spirit back to spirit—perfect and complete. The more authentic you are, the more you will know and experience this.
6. Take action.
Take one action that’s a true expression of your unique self or your unique note in the symphony of the universe. Just speak or act authentically in a small way when you’re tempted to stay quiet or pretend you’re something else, and see how it feels. Keenly observe how you feel afterward. Are you breathing deeper? Smiling more? Feeling less tense?
You have the potential to shape a new reality as you discover your true self. You must tune in to the incredibly unique and beautiful kaleidoscope of who you are and let it shine. Experiment a bit, especially around your closest friends and family.
Embrace your authentic self, and in enacting this positive change, you’ll enact a powerful change in the world around you.
Man with hands in air image via Shutterstock
About Paresh Shah
Paresh Shah is an experienced entrepreneur, executive, yogi, life coach, and dad of four kids. He’s the founder and CEO of Glimpulse, the Human Expression Company that creates products to challenge, inspire, and equip people to be happier, healthier, and more giving through authentic self-expression.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you so much for a beautiful article! So empowering! <3 Really loved reading it! Just needed message for me. Thank you.
Love the message of your article, Paresh! Detaching yourself from societal demands and learning about what makes you happy and then pursuing that is so essential for a happier life. If we all knew this, the resulting peace inside of us would result in more peace around us. Thanks for sharing your view!
Hi Happy Hazel
Hey Paresh,
I’m learning to be more comfortable with myself and yes it can be a challenge! But I remind myself of the sayin that goes something like those that matter don’t care and those that care too much don’t matter. I don’t know if I got that right, but hopefully you understand.
So basically I got to the point to where I just one want to attract and keep the right people in my life. With that said it makes the growth process run a bit more smooth!
Thanks for sharing! Have a good one!
Hi Paresh, great article! I stopped caring about society’s view of how I should be and I found my own happiness. It bothers me how much this affects the youth, especially young girls. We should be taught how to accept ourselves, not “fix” ourselves.
Thank you for this. I do all of these things on a daily basis.
gonna be doing some Yoga in Thailand this summer, I’m not very flexible but it should be really fun haha. I’m a big believer in being yourself, even if that means people disliking you. After all those that don’t matter, mind, and those that matter don’t mind. 🙂
It is like you are speaking directly too me. I have just recently been trying to express myself authentically. It’s weird how others shy away from difference or honesty. I love not going with the pack. Never fit it and i secretly wanted to. Once I let go of all that and just try to be nice, genuine, happy, loving person that i am supposed to be, everything else just kind of falls into place. It is a daily struggle….it is much easier to conform and be a sheep. I will stick with being a lone wolf though LOL. Thank you for the awesome read. I HEART YOGA!
I am completely on board with the whole be yourself concept for sure. That said, I have a nagging issue that always comes to mind when I hear people say one needs to love one’s self, be one’s self, etc. The issue is that you DO need to have others’ approval if you want LOVE in your life. Or even friends. You can live yourself like crazy, be yourself, not care what anyone else thinks, that’s all great. But eventually you want another person to be with. If no one else likes who you are, you’re lonely.
How many people work for a manager who is asking them to be other than their true nature?
Hello Paresh,
Your article really spoke to me. It felt like you were talking about me. I was born and raised in Bulgaria and ever since I was little I was thought that by parents and teachers that the worst thing you could be is selfish (egoist is the proper word in Bulgarian). I took this to heart and formed my personality around it. I perceive, to this day, self care as selfishness. I have created double standards about how I should act and how the world should act. It is ok for me to suffer but it is not ok for anyone else. I gladly take on others’ pain.
So I never learned how to take care of my self. I never learned to be myself because I perceived it as the ultimate evil. I would always put everyone else’s needs before mine and expected the world to take care of me. But the world is not merciful and it is not its job to perform this task. And now I am 36 years old and struggling with every aspect of my life.
The good news is that I am finally aware of it. The bad news is that I don’t know if I can make the change. Why? Because I am so indoctrinated by social norms and expectations that I become paralyzed by the possibility of hurting somebody else. I am so used to pleasing people that I don’t know how to take care of me. I acknowledge it as two mutually exclusive paradigms. How about that catch 22? Any comments and/or suggestions are highly appreciated. I am fully aware that I have to walk the path myself but help is always welcomed.
I have no illusions that I am an “innocent victim”. This predicament triggers sadness, helplessness, frustration, anger and finally aggression. But this aggression is never expressed but rather suppressed because I don’t want to impact anyone negatively and because I deem it a sign of weakness (from social viewpoint).
I am currently practicing awareness, Kundalini Yoga, meditation, and am attempting self care. But it is so darn hard because I feel that in order to leave my prison I have to inflict pain to others.
I will definitely try to write things down in a diary but tuning out of negativity seems hopeless at this point, and believe me I have been trying for 2 years now. Why are self destructive thoughts so much easier than happy ones?
Best regards,
Krasen
P.S. I discovered this core problem only yesterday and today your post appeared on my Facebook feed. I take it as a sign. A sign that I am not alone in my endeavors.
Thank you for a great article! We all should love ourselves first the way we are! I think we do what other people want us to do because we are afraid we won’t survive without them. When we were babies, other people took care of us. S even when we grew up , we still have the same pattern of pleasing other people to stay alive. To break away and give yourself freedom is scary – but ah forwarding!
It’s not possible that you can’t get people who like you when you are authentic to yourself.Those people who love you the way you are,actually deserve to be in your life.Rest are doing Drama,pretentious acting, time pass intimacy nothing more than that.You connect with yourself fully when you act genuinely and it’s amazing cause it unleashes incredible potential buried in your subconscious,which is essential to enhance performance.Love yourself fully and love those who loves you the way you are and those who can’t just toss with your ass and dump into the trash.I mean don’t care.Remember one thing that by doing this you are not at all selfish.You owe to your genuine feelings and emotions.Stop people pleasing rather please yourself and then see the difference.
I love this – any answer to the following question would be appreciated 🙂
When the haze of optimism breaks, it often breaks badly (in my experience). Strength gives way to hopelessness and defeatism. Yet I outwardly tell people I am this optimist, this yogi, this loving spirit. Yet I feel hurt and hard done by. I don’t hide it, but emphasise the positive philosophical side… This often feels inauthentic. Openness can feel selfish – how to overcome this?
So true…but, not just ESP for young girls; young boys need it just as much…
“I’ve found that, while self-expression is difficult for everyone, men often put up a different façade of who they think they need to be at work and home; then, they pretend that it’s not a façade. Women, on the other hand, are more aware of this façade. Women are also more reluctant to express all the facets of their personalities until they’re comfortable with a group. Men will often put up a façade and stay in it longer. Women need a sense of trust to open up, which takes time. In both cases, inauthenticity can lead to dysfunction, stress, disease, and distance from your highest potential.”
One of the main reasons we often see this dichotomy in play is because of how many of us are conditioned from a very young age about how MEN & WOMEN are ‘supposed’ to express themselves….
Have you read the blog, “Why Positive Thinking Didn’t Work For Me,” By Lori Deschene. Let me know if the story/message in it helps a bit…
Being who you are is the best way to allow others to be who they are. Very well explained article. Thanks for such a beautiful message, Paresh!
🙂
Thanks for this beautiful words Patesh. I believe a new society is being borned, we are so many trying to build the life of our dreams and being who we are, as we want.
Your post gave me lot’s of positive energie and inspiration!