I can say to you that you have started to heal already. You already understand that guilt was trying to take over. I can guess that you had a one night stand due to anger and retaliation, as well as emotional emptiness and despair. Those seem like normal emotions to me.

If you said no, I think the one night man should have slowed down a bit (and I have heard that in some locations, only yes from you declares consent.) That said, I don’t imagine you need to be too considerate with him should he show up again.

For myself , when my relationship was on the rocks, and my long distance partner slept with another man, I did not find it so hard to get past it. And the last thing I would want was for her to feel awful and disgusting and especially shamed. Best wishes !

Hi timidmoon,

You have nothing to feel guilty over. Especially as time goes on. So let’s say you see your ex seven months from now or a year from now. Him expecting you to be all chaste after he broke up with you would be a little over the top. You owe him nothing. This is what a break up means. You can see other people, party, travel, watch whatever you want, eat whatever you want, wear whatever you want, change religions, political parties, neighborhoods, etc. without “hearing about it”… You see where I’m going with this? It is none of his business.

You shouldn’t feel guilt over a one-night stand. Now, if you feel shamed or dirty, that is a different issue. IMO it’s OK to have a one night stand in our lifetime. Or a weekend fling. Or a summer love. (If single, that is. Hey, you are!! LOL). You are young and have done what millions of other young people have done when broken-hearted.

BUT was this date-rape? “I wish I had said no louder”. Do you mean you whispered “No” and he didn’t hear you? Or he chose not to hear you? Or were you not saying anything at all?

Don’t Feel Bad,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

Sucky sexual experiences are sucky, but they happen sometimes. Now you know more about the kinds of sexual experiences you want and don’t want. Forgive yourself for making mistakes, you were upset over the break-up and were trying to have a good time. And you haven’t done anything wrong with regards to him. He broke up with you. He set you free and you acted on it. If he was expecting something else, he’s not reasonable.

As for not sleeping with other people when there’s a chance your ex will take you back, I think you should think about how long this “oh, I’m not sure let me think” period is going to last. How long are you going to wait around before you start to act and think like a single person again? There’s someone else on this forum who’s thinking of getting back with their ex after a year apart. Are you going to give this guy a year of your life while he figures out whether he wants you or not?

And if not a year, then how long?