“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.” ~Oscar Wilde
Have you ever had one of those moments when something devastating happens in your world and it feels like the rug has been ripped out from under you? I know I certainly did last year.
I thought my life was moving along wonderfully. I had a well-paying job and was slowly growing my dream business on the side. I was happily married and the mother of an adorably cheeky toddler.
I was only weeks away from moving into our new family home, which had taken us years of drama and a scary amount of money to build. Despite living so far away from my family, my life felt full of friendship, love, and joy.
Life was progressing along nicely, and my husband and I were confident that we were on track for reaching the dreams we had envisioned for ourselves and our family. We weren’t living the dream yet, but we thought we could see its promise on the far horizon.
Then we got the devastating news. My father, the man who had been a hero in both of our lives, was suddenly diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor.
He was one day a healthy and fit fifty-seven year old man. Then the next day, he was suddenly having seizures and losing his sight, only to then be told that he had an aggressive cancer with an average prognosis of one year of life with treatment.
This news understandably shook our world, and the ripples were felt long and far by many. We were obviously devastated.
We couldn’t imagine what our lives would look like without him in our corner. And to be honest, I still haven’t allowed myself to fully lean into this, to feel it, or to process it completely. I know this moment will come eventually and it will be messy.
One thing that we have noticed since the moment the rug was ripped out from under us is that so much beauty and wonder can appear during tragic times.
It doesn’t detract from the awfulness. At the end of the day, it is still awful. It still hurts. And it’s still tragic. However, it has also brought about so much goodness.
It caused my husband and me to stop and reflect on our lives. Were we really living the dream? Or were we playing it safe and residing within our comfort zone? Were our decisions and actions really aligned with our values and how we wanted to feel? What was most important to us?
Before we knew it, we changed our lives dramatically. I quit the well-paying job to pursue my dream business full time. We sold the brand new so-called dream home. We moved interstate to be by the beach and near our family again. My dad’s terminal illness gave us permission to turn our five-year plan into a now plan.
With my dad’s encouragement, I also started writing about my experiences. People connected to what I shared. It helped people. I could hold a light for others in our darkness.
Family, friends, and strangers came out of the woodwork from every direction to offer support and love—going above and beyond what I could have ever expected from them.
I learned so many lessons about myself and others, all this in a short three months. I can only imagine what is still to come.
Throughout this time, I have also heard of others who have experienced tragedy and, despite this, can see so much beauty in the lessons and life events that followed.
A friend of mine still suffering from the hurt of losing her brother years ago could recall the good things that came out of this tragedy, including the incredible people that stepped up in support of her and her family.
Another friend who traveled to Cambodia recently told me about the absolute atrocities the people had experienced but how wonderful and giving they were.
A client of mine spoke of a job she had thoroughly disliked but how much she had gained from it and how it ultimately contributed to her now being able to successfully follow her dream career.
We can often hear stories on the news that demonstrate beauty in tragedy also.
Just recently, when two hostages lost their life in a Sydney cafe, people rallied together to support and protect the Muslim community from revenge attacks with the #illridewithyou hashtag.
Denise and Bruce Morcombe, the parents of Daniel Morcombe, who was abducted and murdered in 2003, have since dedicated their lives to increasing awareness and teaching children how to be safe. There have already been children who have used these skills to protect themselves in dangerous situations.
After learning that she had cancer, Jane McGrath and her husband Glenn founded the McGrath Foundation to raise money to increase awareness of breast cancer and fund more breast care nurses in rural and regional Australia. This foundation has achieved so much since its establishment in 2002.
Now of course these events are still tragic. They still hurt like all hell. And there is still seemingly no reason or purpose behind them. It still seems unfair and unjust how bad things happen to good people.
But I personally take some comfort in the fact that so much goodness can stem from traumatic events like these.
What lessons did your tough moments teach you about life, yourself, or others? Did any good things come from them? Can you take any comfort in the fact that they gifted you or others with something that may not have eventuated otherwise?
About Naomi Arnold
Naomi is an award winning Business + Life Passion Coach, writer, speaker and human rights activist. She works with big hearted, creative and mission driven people who want to make a difference in the world. Through her coaching, writing, and award nominated Freebies Library at www.naomiarnold.com, she helps people embrace their uniqueness and live their version of a passion-fueled and purposeful life.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
This is so beautiful, Naomi, and so true! Without darkness, there is no light, etc. My eyes are filled with tears reading this, because I kind of felt like I was there with you when it happened and I am so very inspired by you and your ability to find the beauty. Big hugs for you and this incredible article that I think so many people will relate to xx
Thank you for this because it really was such a great read! Although I lost my father when I was in high school due to a car accident, I was younger and didn’t feel like I needed coping skills as much as I do now as a young adult. A few months ago, I went through something in my relationship that felt like my world was rocked… amazing things came out of it though, such as knowing the friends and family who would support me no matter what, learning how to sit comfortably in the unknown, a deeper interest in Buddhism, and the importance of self-care.
Three years ago we had an arson fire. Someone set fire to our home. The fire blocked the only exit from the apartment upstairs where my daughter and grandchildren lived. We managed to get them all out alive thankfully. After the fire so many people rallied around us and supported us. We were overwhelmed by the love and support of family, friends, and even strangers. I hadvbeen renting that house for Yeats. Now I have my own home. So yes, good things can come out of bad ones. I did have PTSD because of the trauma, and my daughter injured her ankle badly, but we have overcome those things and although its still difficult for my daughter at times, things are good.
Thank you so much Katherine. Your constant support means so much to me. xo
It’s all about living in the present. My boyfriend and I were long-term travel lovers, and the 2-3 weeks per year of vacation were not enough to go home to visit family and explore new countries. We could have ‘waited’ for retirement in 30 years to travel, but instead we went forth and made our own now plan. We traveled all of last year and I know it will not be anything that I regret.
Oh Shirley, I am sorry that you went through that. And wow, what beauty you have found in your experience – such powerful realisations you have had. I think the fact that you have seen these amazing things, and have used them to make positive changes in your life and self, are a true testament to your beautiful character as well.
Thank you for sharing your story. From my life experiences, every time something bad happened, support from others kept my spirits high. It lightened the burden. The times the support came from people that I didn’t even know was what really changed my life. How can someone be so kind that has no attachment to me? Two years ago my younger brother got into a bad car accident. My mother and I were waiting in the waiting room, we were shaken up because of the call we received from the hospital. An older woman was waiting with her daughter in the same room. She asked us what was wrong and she sincerely showed concern. Than, she asked us if she could pray for my brother and she did. My mother and I couldn’t stop crying. This lady didn’t know us at all. She didn’t have to pray for him. She was such a kind human being. I will never forget her. <3
What a terrifying ordeal you and your family have been through Laura. I have seen how gripping and traumatic PTSD can be too, and I really feel for you and your daughter for having to live through the pain of it also. I’m so pleased to hear that you were overwhelmed with love and support afterwards. Thank you so much for sharing part of your world with us. Oh and congratulations on having your own home now!
Oh my, thank you for sharing this – it gave me goosebumps. Like you, support from strangers has really inspired and touched me deeply too. I hope that your brother is okay and recovered from his injuries.
Living in the present can be so beneficial can’t it Emily. I’m glad that you and your boyfriend didn’t wait until retirement, and are exploring the world and yourselves in the now instead.
Oh Naomi…this is a beautiful piece. I know how acute and raw and real this tragedy is for your family, and you are writing, and sharing this experience through it would be a certain form of healing for you, your family and the audience who can read and emotionally connect as well. As you say in your piece…the suffering that tragedy brings is universal in so many ways, but beauty can be found in the most unlikely places. Thanks so much for this piece…it is truly beautiful. xx
Oh Chantal, thank you so much. You’re love and support has blown me away yet again. A million thank yous to you, you special lady xo.
It gave me goosebumps too. It also gave me strength and faith that everything was going to be okay. It took a long time, but he recovered. Thank you so much! <3
Just beautiful Naomi 🙂 You are such an inspiration xo
Oh Vanessa, thank you so much – and you know I think you are such an inspiration too fabulous lady xo.
The best way to handle tough times. Thank you for the beautiful thoughts. 🙂
I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat Naomi……the little things can indeed become the big things and they are what (I believe) what brings us true happiness. I think it is so important to acknowledge and embrace the emotions and feelings that arise from unexpected events. They happen to all of us at different times in our lives, and to see the beauty and the fact that you and your family can support each other and your Dad can spend time with your little one are special moments that can be captured, embraced and remembered. Those times of togetherness create the memories and stories told lovingly over and over again. Love and hugs to you, you are such a brave young woman. xoxoxo
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Ankit. I’m glad that you look at things this way too. 🙂
It sounds like you’ve had to draw on strength and faith a lot through that time. I’m so glad to hear that he eventually recovered. Thank you again <3
Oh Jodi, you are the most beautiful soul. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts and for your support, it means so very much to me. You are amazing xo.
Gratitude. 🙂
Thanks Naomi for sharing your story and your experience.
My life’s most difficult moments also led a profound self-realization and self-clarity. I changed my entire life too. For a bit of my life, I was thinking “why me” especially during the darkest hours but today I’m so grateful for the hardships I faced. It gave me perspective, priorities, awakening and the jolt I needed to wake up and live the life I am living today.
I love this quote by Marilyn Monroe: “Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Oh Vishnu, thank you so much for sharing your story also. I am so glad that you found profound self-realisation and self-clarity from such a difficult period in your life. I have a feeling that you getting through this, having these lessons, and changing your life so much – have, is, and/or will help many others experiencing similar darkness also. Thank you again, and what a wonderful quote too.
Suck a beautiful post Naomi.
thank you so much for sharing your story and yur feelings, it will help so many xx
This is such an inspiring story. Thanks so much for sharing. I am no stranger to life upheavals and tragedy, the latest one being my sister ( and I only have one sister( being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She never smoked a day in her life. The news was simply tragic and sent my entirely family into emotional shock. It’s been a year now and my sister is still fighting for her life with intensive chemo treatments and she is thankfully improving. Even though this has been dreadfully hard time for my family, so much good has come out of it. I’ve grown even closer to my family, I’ve developed even more inner-strength and faith, I’ve been honored to be appointed legal guardianship over my sister’s only child, my 12 year old niece, which has led to joys and challenges of its own, I’ve seen my mom and Dad who have been divorced for years now, come together to help each other cope with this tragic event, the end result of which still remains unknown. I’ve seen an entire community of neighbors and friend rally around us with prayers and well wishes. So YES, bad things can certainly lead to good. As we shares each other’s stories and support each other here on line, that TOO is something so beautiful and good! Thank you all for sharing.
Oh Renee, thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for always being such a beautiful support to me. You are one special lady – an incredible friend, photographer, and coach – I am very blessed to have you on my life. xo
Oh my goodness Darlene. Thank you so much for sharing – what a gift you have offered everyone who reads your comment. I seriously had tingles all over me reading it. You are clearly an amazing person. I will be thinking of you and your family as you continue to go through such a difficult time – and I know that you will too continue to witness more beauty and wonder ahead. A million thank yous.
Thanks for the kind words Naomi and for keeping us in your thoughts. I find so much strength from reading about, meeting and sharing with women like you and all the women here, who face major life challenges head on, embrace the emotional pain that life can bring and find the courage and inner-strength to not just survive, but to thrive anyway! Kudos to all of you!