Hi trusttheflow,

You dodged an abusive, crazy, manipulative bullet!! Do you know what a gift from God him “dumping” you was?

First of all, the girl on his bed? I’m sure it was a pic from before you were together. It wouldn’t surprise me. Let’s just be clear. You not moving in with him, and leaving because he wouldn’t let you throw away trash? You dumped him, baby, and he knew it! OK, YAY!!!

Second of all, him trying to convince you that you’re wrong because you don’t want to be around anything illegal or hazardous? Manipulative! He’s an active criminal and doesn’t take out the trash. Could it be he is trash?? You’re all “This isn’t normal, honey” and he tells you you’re crazy? Manipulative.

Third of all, he’s crazy. He should be on Hoarders, the show. This is a mental illness. You are not qualified to deal with someone with a mental illness.

Lastly, you deserve more than being with a drug addict who’s a hoarder. I don’t know, look out on the street, pick anyone, and I mean ANYONE, and they will probably be better than this guy.

Praise Sweet Baby Jesus you’re Free,

Inky

Hi Sweetie,
We don’t know each other but we’re sisters just the same. I’m on the other path you didn’t choose when you listened to your gut feelings. I live with ‘that’ man, in stacks of ‘precious’ filth that cannot be disturbed, grow and spread until I have no place of my own, not even the bathroom to find quiet, calm and peace… and troublesome me that needs to be controlled for the last 7 years. I’m trapped, stuck, lost and with a seemingly impossible task to get myself free. Just last night I’d built up the strength to tell him we are separating and yet still somehow today I’m the crazy, irrational one still stuck… but you and I both need to remember- that is manipulative, controlling behavior and your true feelings are not crazy or irrelevant. Him breaking up with you and sending you that picture was his only way of hurting you.
If you want the advice of someone who took the other path- cut it off. find other friends, find other things to do- work on yourself and work on loving yourself. No need to text someone who has nothing to offer you, at all. be done. find something else to do to replace all of him. in retrospect I’d take being alone the rest of my life just to get away.
You think he dumped you, but all he has done is to lash out when he perceived you rejected him and his way of being. Those candy wrappers will always be more important than you. That other girl in his bed will be sorry and crying if she isn’t already- just like you, just like me. He, and my man- will congratulate themselves on manipulating us and hurting us; all while never ‘feeling’ anything themselves.
Please count yourself as lucky, educate yourself on patterns and why we pick the people we do, or neither one of us will ever do any better.
Good luck! RUN, don’t walk- to better places for you. LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER ONE! You cannot save anyone else, fix anyone else or solve their issues… all you can do is care for yourself and live with integrity.
You are loved, your internal feelings are correct, your instincts are the voice of God and your only true guidance. I only wish I’d listened to my gut feelings before losing so many years.
HANG IN THERE!

Wow! I applaud your honesty and courage to post your story! You sound like such a strong woman .. I wish I’d been as strong. I’m another one of those women who stayed with a guy that was abusive and manipulative. I didn’t do it for a little while – no – I’ve been married for 35 years to this person. I raised 4 daughters, worked to support the family (he hasn’t supported the family in years and years) and put up with his crazy-making behaviour for all those years. I suspect he has mental health issues and sometimes I feel guilty, but honestly, I’ve done my best. I’ve tried to help him. I’ve kept this family going when he wouldn’t. Sometimes I think I’m the crazy one. How can I feel guilty for not fixing this relationship when I’m the only one doing all the work. Anyway .. we’re separated now, but living in the same house. How crazy is that? I feel stuck, paralyzed actually. I don’t know why. I’m a professional. I’m educated. But I’m paralyzed.

Thank the universe for giving you an opportunity to detach from that sick relationship. You seem to be gaining insight into why you end up with the same type of guy. So keep on working on yourself. Really .. at the end of the day .. I think the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship of all. Only after we fix ourselves can we hope to have a healthy relationship with someone else. At least that’s the conclusion I’ve come to. Don’t even waste another minute thinking of what could’ve been with that guy. He’s a loser and doesn’t deserve a courageous, kind-hearted, loving woman like you.

Sending you a great big hug and lots of love, my sister.

Ok just a question Trusttheflow. I’ve read your post, others replies, your posts back…all the while as I’m reading this story I feel like there is something missing. Something , something doesn’t seem right. You have been seeing a guy whom I will guess you met randomly (btw I’m a guy which makes this even more interesting) and after 3 months he asked you to move in. All pretty normal so far. Then a few things…he an ex heroine/ with a chaser of meth, addict. Now he is only smoking pot. Pot…not really an issue. So I’m imagining the guy at this point. Picturing the scenario. Then the comment about a world out there you don’t know. Probably is. And then finally the kicker with the hoarding. The dum dum wrapper, was there at least a small portion of a dum dum inside? Lastly… You left because you were uncomfortable about something. He told you IF you did it was over. Well indeed he meant it, the topper being the pic of a gf in your bed.

Ok my question… And you were attracted to ….WHAT about him? What am I missing. It seems like your pretty upset so what was it about this guy that made you border on going over to his dark side, from your ( from what it sounds like) clean, bright, respectable life. Is it the bad boy attraction?
Someone above said he did you a favor… Ok that’s a bit of an understatement. He handed you you life back on a golden platter. You should be doing cartwheels all the way down your street screaming thank you God.

Look at why you were attracted to him. Even the drugs, and the hoarding…those are a sickness. It can happen to good caring people. I know a few. BUT the picture he sent. That is classless, shows his vindictiveness and his piece of shit personality.

I have been in bad breakups, in fact just finished a divorce. I’ve been so pissed off at my ex that I wanted to drive off a bridge(her with me of course). But …seriously my friend, he wanted to hurt you as bad as he could, he wanted you to feel pain and agony. Doesn’t this mean something to you?

I wish you the best. I hope maybe a word or 2 May have made you stop and think.