Home→Forums→Relationships→Will he ever regret letting me go?
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January 9, 2015 at 4:25 am #70944LucyParticipant
Hello everyone!
First post on here! I do apologise for how long it is!!
So, I’ve hit a little brick wall recently, my (now) ex and I broke up around 4 weeks ago after a year and a half together. We’re both 22, which I get is still young and so it’s not the be all and end all of life. But, I can’t help but wonder whether he’ll ever regret letting me go? Here’s the story:
We came from very different backgrounds, mine wealthier than his, not that I ever cared about that sort of thing but I know it mattered to him because he felt financially inferior. I never flaunted anything in front of him either because that’s just not the type of person I am. We grew up in completely different areas and so were accustomed to different things but we always saw our differences as a good thing as it made us both more open minded. Although people would always comment on how much of a better catch I was (mainly in the looks department) but I always saw him as somebody to be proud of.
I would say we were both happy for about a year and then the last six months were not so great, although I can only speak for myself here. I felt as if he wasn’t putting in much effort to see/speak to me, my birthday and our anniversary came and went and I got no gifts from him (not that material goods matter, but the thought that counts) and we were arguing because, I guess we didn’t know what else to do. Meanwhile, I was the one that kept initiating contact and communication between us, although thinking about it now, perhaps I should have just given him space.
He did apologise for his actions but then they would keep being repeated and I felt as if I came out looking clingy and dependent on him when really, I was just trying to initiate communication between us, which is key to a relationship!
Anyways, the last straw was about a month ago when we didn’t see each other or speak much because he was ill at home. I felt distanced and didn’t really understand why we weren’t really able to at least speak on the phone or FaceTime at least once in that week. So i suggested we facetime and then we did, and we got into an argument over the fact that I felt distanced and suddenly, he started verbally attacking me saying things like ‘sorry we don’t all have our own room to FaceTime’, basically bringing up my financial situation even though he knows how uncomfortable I am about it already.
Two days went by and we didn’t speak, I owed it to myself not to apologise as I felt I did nothing wrong and still feel that way today. Anyways, on the third day, I decided I had to break up with him as I could not handle being treated this way any longer. I sent him a text saying we need to meet up urgently (something I’ve never done before), so he probably knew I was going to end it. I received a text about 4 hours later (he was asleep) and he broke up with me via text.
He cited reasons such as our differences, the fact he can’t give me what I want right now, he wants to focus on his studies etc. I lost a whole lot of respect for him for the way he did it, I felt as if he really didn’t care and it hurt me because at least I had the respect and maturity to do it face to face.
Since I’m friends with his sister, I saw her about a week post break up and told her a little about how I felt, but I didn’t want to alienate her from her own brother so I kept some feelings and anger to myself. Coincidentally, the next day I received a long text from him apologising for how he did it and how he’s tried to maintain nothing but respect for me since (which his social media begs to differ). He also said the best thing right now is for him to basically forget me and that he will pay me back the money he owes me (yep, rookie mistake on my part!).
I didn’t and won’t respond to the text as I don’t believe I should and maintain the belief that silence is best in this situation. I know that I’m going to be absolutely fine in the long run, however, I do feel that I gave him everything, both emotionally and bailed him out of a lot of problems etc. I felt like my love for him had no limits and looking back on it, it seems like unrequited love. I wonder whether he’ll ever regret letting me go?January 9, 2015 at 6:02 am #70946InkyParticipantHi Lucy888,
He will always feel this way whenever he gets in a relationship with someone more rich/successful/beautiful than he is. This is classic hallmark insecurity. He can’t handle your greatness. So much that he couldn’t handle acknowledging your birthday/anniversary. And then when you (rightfully) say, “Hey, buddy, I’m in a one-sided relationship here, can you step it up?” he internally freaked out.
It’s not a matter of him being filled with regrets. He is currently in Ego Survival Mode.
Maybe one day, years from now, when he is richer, has a great career, and is even better looking than he is now, he might cast a glance at his old contact list and think of you and what he had (now that he has deemed himself worthy to have it). Then he will feel regret.
Keep Being Yourself!
Inky
January 10, 2015 at 2:32 pm #70983LucyParticipantThank you for your reply Inky!
Perhaps so, sounds about right. Although I also believe that now he’s had me, his egotistical mind will think he can get anybody he wants.
I’ll keep working on myself in the meantime!
January 12, 2015 at 1:00 am #71158ChristopherParticipantHi Lucy,
Well, I think I can mostly relate to however you are feeling right now. It stinks.
I don’t know if this would help but I believe that however badly you want to know if he would regret leaving you or not, it still doesnt matter. I am currently facing the same question and I am also currently trying to keep telling myself that it wouldn’t make a difference. The fact of the matter is that, the person we hold so dearly (respectively) has decided to move away from us (be it to a different partner or to settle their own issues). So technically, even if they do regret or they don’t regret wont change to anything that benefits us.
Maybe in the future then both of us will find the answer to this question. Maybe we won’t. So why bother thinking about it even?
I’m saying this to also remind myself not to bother too much about it So that maybe I can move on abit quicker.
Hope it helps, some way, somehow
January 12, 2015 at 7:37 pm #71188SarahParticipantIt’s tough to say if he’s ever going to mature and see that he made a mistake letting such a great catch (you) go from his life – but he’s only 22 now, and I’m guessing the regret might not come for a while… if he feels like he isn’t losing much by not having a relationship with you, then I guess he won’t feel regretful at the moment.
But don’t focus on him anymore and his lack of maturity, respect for you or regret/remorse. You know you’ll be better off without him, there are other guys out there more worthy, when the time is right for you date again. My ex-relationship of 8 years didn’t regret his behaviour/loss of our relationship until after we separated, and by then it was too late for me for him to change. New opportunities for us girls are on the horizon 🙂
January 13, 2015 at 10:01 am #71224LucyParticipantThank you for your replies Christopher and Sarah!
Christopher – you’re absolutely right, it shouldn’t matter whether he’ll end up regretting it as I should be focusing on myself right now rather than thinking about things that don’t matter nor will speed up the healing process. Since you’re going through a similar thing, I hope you’re doing ok!
Sarah – I agree that if he was to ever realise it would be a long time away from now! And that I should be focusing on myself right now which I am and I am feeling better! 🙂
January 14, 2015 at 7:14 am #71301LucyParticipantA little update on the situation:
In the original post I stated that I am friends with his sister who backed my corner on a lot of what went wrong pre and post break up. I understand that he’s still her brother but she stated that she still wanted to maintain a friendship with me despite what had happened and we’ve kept in contact since.
Since he has some important items of mine, I was counting on his sister to return them to me, which she said she would. However, I can now see she has blocked me on WhatsApp despite us only having spoken on there on Friday (talking about how we should meet up soon!). I have text her since asking how she is and the message delivered but I have not received a reply.
There was no animosity between us and I can’t understand why she would just block me out of the blue, especially when my items are yet to be returned. I would have expected at least a text explaining why? Not just a random block and no contact, as I suspect her brother has asked her to maintain no contact with me…but what about my things?
What do you suggest I do?January 15, 2015 at 12:48 pm #71395D.E. HardestyParticipantLucy ~ He may regret letting you go if he remains stuck in the past. Likewise, you may regret him letting you go if you are stuck in the past. Being stuck in the past, however, means being unable to enjoy the present. I guess that the question is, once you get over the grief of separation, how do you want to live your life?
January 17, 2015 at 7:45 am #71474LucyParticipantThanks for your reply d-e-hardesty!
I don’t regret letting him go and truthfully I don’t feel like I ever will given his immaturity and the way the situation has been handled. However, the reason why I wondered if he would ever regret letting me go was because I feel like I went above and beyond for him and it is quite rare to find someone who would do that for you.
At the moment, I am concentrating on moving forward with my life and accepting that the relationship ran its course and the more I look at some details of the relationship, the more I realise that it was for the best.
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