I’ve known this guy since I was 13, we always remained friends but we both were always attracted to each other. Several years later he enlisted into the Marine Corps and was deployed to Afghanistan for 10 months. We wrote each other through 9 months while he was out there, he called me when he had a chance and id answer everytime even if it was at 3 am. I really had strong feelings for the guy and his homecoming was all I looked forward too. 9 months went by and I went through over a month not hearing from him due to his location. So as a normal 18 year old instead of waiting for his call I started going out more, meeting new people and well, I met someone. I never had the intention in finding someone else but I did and i fell for him hard, it was very unexpected. I felt horrible that i was losing interest in the marine because I was starting to see this other guy often, so I let the marine know as soon as he was able to contact me. As expected, I completely destroyed his heart and he was upset and we didn’t talk for months.

Through the past five years since that happened he has randomly sent me messages on facebook asking me how I’ve been, to congratulating me on my pregnancy- so we are not necessarily on bad terms anymore (he actually forgave me) but we are both in a relationship so we don’t talk that much. Although I can’t help but wish we were talking. Lately Ive been dreaming of him almost every night and its been going on for almost a year. With the dreams, the memories and also seeing his updates on social media I really miss him and i can’t let go of this intense feeling of guilt and regret. I wish I would of been there when he came home and I wish I would of gave us a chance instead of left him for a man that doesn’t appreciate me and can’t commit. I go through my days fantasizing what it would be like to hang out again and catch up. I can’t figure out if I should just go for it and and see if he is willing to meet up with me while he is in town, or if I just need to let him go and work on forgiving myself. I know i’m not happy with my relationship or life right now so I can’t help but think, “what if?”

Do you have any advice you could give me? what would you do? Normally I don’t open up in forums but I really need someone else perspective on this.

Thank you xo