Hello Mango,
First let me say that I’m currently going through the same thing (not the exact same situation but something really similar). I have had quite a fucked up childhood and have suffered from PTSD (induced by psychosis) for at least 7 years (and I’m nowhere near being healed completely, might not get there ever btw).
So I get where you are coming from and I want you to understand that you are not the only one going through this. It is the nature of the universe to experience things like this in a slightly different way each time so it can understand.
But I’m not here to preach but to help.
Here are some things I try to do when I think about my ex or get confronted with situations in which I start thinking about her or negative things in general.
– Accept that you cannot give your ex what he/she needs.
Because truly, if your ex made you happy you would want him to be just as happy as you were back then. This is a core issue. You have not moved on because you still “love” your ex.
This one may sting, but if you really loved him you would accept that he no longer wishes to see you or have contact with you. This is something you cannot control. If you truly loved him you would give him that which he deserves which is not you.
– Love yourself and don’t “try” to change yourself (this will happen without you working for it)
When you were in the relationship you were happy but inevitably things went sour. There could be many things that are a reason for this. For me it was self-love.
If you do not love each and every single part of you, negative or positive you cannot truly love another.
– Rely on yourself and trust your higher self to know what you need to be happy
Your higher self, the universe, god or however you want to call it, always gives you exactly what you need whenever you need it. It may not be what you want however. Would you have been happy when you would still be in that relationship? I don’t think so.
– See that all things are temporary
Probably in the beginning of your relationship you thought you were going to be in this relationship forever, and he would make you happy.
Life doesn’t work like that unfortunately. Change in you and others is inevitable, all things are temporary, don’t fight that, embrace it and it will work out.
– View it as an opportunity
The fact that this friend mentioned that your ex doesn’t want to see you or be with you means that even-though you thought you were over him you clearly are not.
This is not a relapse, this is an opportunity. You now realize that apparently you are not over him. This is perfect! Now you get to work on this and being a better you than you were yesterday! And you’ve already come so far, exciting isn’t it?!
– Set some space aside each day to reflect
When you reflect on your day, not just when it has been a crappy day, you can get to ask yourself questions why this is the case. Why are you happy today? Why were you unhappy yesterday?
When you know why you were happy, you can continue doing that. When you know why you were not happy yesterday you can accept this for what it was and confide in that.
– You are not who you were, accept that.
Your ex is basing his current actions based on anger and resentment of you were not who you are. He has no idea how much you have progressed since you broke up don’t let something like that affect you.
– Laugh at yourself
When you feel like this it seems like the last thing you would want to do. But I try to do it all the time. Just examine your thoughts and observe them, you might be thinking stuff like this: “Why doesn’t he want to see me? Am I not worthy? Why does this hurt me so much? I don’t want this to hurt me. How can I stop this from hurting me? Why can’t I find something to stop this?” this goes on.
At some point you will notice you, or more precisely your ego, are doing this.
Just recognize how silly you are for doing this. You’re just a silly little woman who thinks about things that are not even relevant for the situation you are in right now. You might be doing the dishes when you think these things. Do these thoughts really help you with anything? Will the dishes be done faster? NO! So laugh at them, they are just silly little thoughts which hold no meaning, only the meaning you assign to them yourself.
– You are alone, so love being alone
This may not be something you don’t want to hear. But you are always alone. Yes you may have friends, yes they love you, but when they are gone you will again be alone.
You can’t expect your friends to solve this for you (I’m not saying you do this btw). The only one who can do that is you. Again this comes down to self love.
If you are always alone who will always be there for you? YOU! Comfort yourself as a parent would comfort their child. Tell yourself that everything will be and is okay, because it will and is.
– Imagine a worst-case scenario
Imagine something that is the worst thing that could happen based on the fear you are having at that moment. This may seem counter intuitive because who would like that to happen right? The thing is, when you accept the worst possible situation, your current situation will not be that bad.
Even if you think your current situation is the worst there is, what can happen? It can only get better right? Because it already is the worst situation you could possibly be in it can’t get worse, otherwise it wouldn’t be the worst situation.
– Don’t ask others what is best for you
The only person who know what you need is you. Other people can only tell you things that work for them. And you are a unique being. your experience is unique and what works for them doesn’t have to work for you.
Find ways that work for you, and again trust yourself to find ways, because you will.
Dear Mango Luv, Trust, Love and honor yourself be proud of who you are, always. Namaste.
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