I am 50, single mother of two smart, talented and beautiful teen daughters. I began a relationship with a man aged 58 in early January. I am a professional with a doctorate level education and he also has a professional career. He was married for 27 years and divorced 5 days ago after he was unfaithful. I believe we fell in love fairly quickly. We texted, called or saw each other every day. He told me he loved me often and even said I was his soul mate and the love of his life. We share many of the same interests. He texts or calls me each and every night and each and every morning since January to tell me good night/morning and that he loves me. We have enjoyed each other’s company and our relationship. I love him very very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him; marriage, sharing a home, sleeping together, routines.

I am an outspoken person, driven, very verbal. When I fell in love with him, I thought that people in love usually want to take further steps toward each other. Because of my nature, I was outspoken as to what I wanted with him. However, when the future came up in any regard, he never referred to me, even in jest. When he spoke of the future, I was not there. There was never a sentence like “someday we will…..” or “when we live together…..” or “….when we grow old”. None of that.

I began to point out the lack of “us” future references. He didn’t like it much and never responded in the way I wanted. A couple of times he referred to marriage and even during a discussion said he would be amenable to marrying me in a year or two. However, after that he distanced himself as much as possible from a discussion of a union or any discussion about the future AT ALL. I became upset. He became angry.

We had a discussion. I reminded him that he said he loved me, that I was the love of his life, that I was his soul mate. Then I said, if I am the one for him, why does he not want to discuss the future. He said – “I am not sure you are the one”.

It hurt me to the core and has shaken me up very badly. We didn’t see each other for a couple of weeks but are seeing each other again. I apologized for pressuring him and he said he wanted to build on our relationship and see where it went.
We have now been dating for 10 months.

Questions: Why would he love me and say I was his soul mate but not be sure I am the one? Why would he say those things but not refer to me in in the future? How can you be in love with someone but not be sure you want them tomorrow? What should I do? Should I end it with him? Should I just keep dating him – secretly fearing the day when he says “now I am sure you are NOT the one”? I have been so hurt and I am trying desperately to keep my emotions from him so he doesn’t feel cornered. Should I run? I hurt all the time over this. He doesn’t say much of anything and he has backed off some from his expressions of emotion to me except that he continues to text good night and good morning and always says he loves me each and every day.

I am hurting and I don’t want to be hurt more. I don’t want to run if there is a chance but nor do I want to waste my precious time on somebody who does not want me. We all want to be wanted.