Home→Forums→Tough Times→Death anxiety and constant worrying..help!
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Inky.
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October 16, 2014 at 6:15 pm #66368
ValerieParticipantI really want some feedback on my problems right now. Or at least somebody to tell me how they dealt with similar situations. I have a close group of friends I can talk to but my problems have been going on for 2 weeks now.
To start off, my problems are with my death anxiety (maybe depression?). I’m 18 years old right now, soon to be 19 in a couple of weeks. When I was about 10, I was trying to fall asleep one day and, for some reason, I realized that one day I’ll die. I started thinking about myself dying, my impermanence. Then I started freaking out at the thought of my parents dying. Ever since then, I had weird bouts where I realize this. It use to last only 10 seconds (it would happen at least once every 3 months) then I could about my day. But 2 saturdays ago I watched The Mazerunner and I had a panic attack when it ended. I’ve never had a panic attack before.
Since then, my heart has been racing, my mind has been racing. I couldn’t sleep because I felt out of breath and I felt constantly in danger. I kept thinking about how i’ll die, when i’ll die, what would happen when my parents die, is there a god, is there a soul, will i be aware, what if i’m aware and buried alive…It’s exhausting.
I’m having trouble with keeping faith (i’m catholic), staying sane. I feel like my life is just a memory that i’ll forget when I die. Since this monday, my heart wasn’t racing but it started again today. I can sleep but I want closure for this problem because I know I should be living in the present. I can’t concentrate on homework, my major, my health, my family…All I want to do is be alone and think about death. My irrational fear of dying is preventing me from living….which makes me more anxious.
I’ve tried seeking a therapist but it didn’t work out…Also, if this helps, i’m a college student who can’t drive yet and is unemployed. I have a lot of free time on my hands. I know I’m still young but it doesn’t change the fact that i’ll die someday, that my parents will die someday. I feel like crying everyday now.
I really like the wisdom of the people on this site, so i came here for help even though i’m not a buddhist (i took a class in it though).
October 16, 2014 at 8:01 pm #66373
David4500Participantwhen i was about your age (i am 27 now), i thought of this too. what happen is that i dream of my own dealth and i feel so sad that i need to leave the world i am living in right now. i cried and cried. but after that, i realise it is just my thought. it is not a reality. it is not happening in the present moment. i think the reason i cried is because i have still so much things that i have not done in this world. i wouldn’t want to leave now. i still want to achieve lots of things in my life. but once you realise the thought of dealth is just your own thinking. you can work towards reality. reality is your parent is still alive, you should treasure every moment when you are with them. for yourself, works towards what is your goal in life, a purpose of life. past is just lesson to be learn, future is unknown and is created by our mind of thought and thinking. present is a gift, you are gifted to be alive. i am now double your age, but i still have so much to learn and understand. have some courage to walk your own future, because we don’t know when we will die, we must treasure every moment that we are still alive. hope it helps a tiny little bit, cheers!
October 17, 2014 at 4:33 am #66376
InkyParticipantAs Westerners, we don’t think about death. But the Buddhists would tell small children, “If you want to think about anything, ponder on when the hour will be when you die.” (!) So a Master might say to you, “You’re doing good, kid!” LOL
In all seriousness, though, you are experiencing Existential Terror. I’ve had bouts of that, in the car. (Not good.) It passes.
Instead of blocking it, maybe go all in. Read up on all the Stages of Dying. Know what to do, and what papers to collect, when your parents are leaving this earth. (There’s a great series on this in Oprah Magazine this month). Go to a Buddhist teacher and tell him/her your concerns ~ they will help you. Who better? .. Meditate on the fact that we’re not afraid of losing our consciousness when we go to sleep, and death is no different. Do you remember your past lives? Probably not, but your likes, habits and inclinations can give you a clue! Read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.
IF you are becoming prone to panic attacks anyway, get a lot of sunlight, and clean up your diet. If that doesn’t help, a physician.
But most importantly, and paradoxical to the laundry list above, give most of your attention to your school, friends and family. That is what life is now all about, and the lesson of death ~ to enjoy life.
October 18, 2014 at 11:50 am #66421ValerieParticipantthanks, you two! I think right now, I’m over the whole process of dying. I’m looking into other opinions of death. I feel like I’m being more mindful than I used to be. I feel very grateful for being alive.
What I can’t accept now, though it sounds like it’s the same thing, is the fact that my mind will stop working. The more I say it to myself, the more it sounds unreal.
Like your brain just STOPS. I forgot to mention that my heart only races when I’m preparing to go to bed. So i think it does that because of something that Inky said, “We aren’t afraid of losing consciousness when we go to sleep,” I think I am. My heart races because I’m not really there. Also, sleeping is different from dying. When we sleep, we dream, we are still thinking. When we die, I can’t get over the fact that we dont do that. How does everything suddenly cease to exist for me?
Maybe I have a fear of being left alone or left behind? I was meditating this earlier.
Probably the next step for me right now is to make up my mind? I’m very unsure about death, as in what happens to my mind, because I really want to believe that I’ll be able to experience (see, feel, touch, talk) in another life after death. I want to believe that maybe there’s another dimension where spirits mingle and talk, do stuff, but I think about science and how out of body experiences are just the mind creating a dream that we believe is our spirit coming out of the body. I want to believe in the spirit. I want to believe in some type of heaven. But I feel like i’m just lying to myself, like when you tell a child that their dying pet is going to sleep in order to make them feel better. Except I’m aware that I’m lying to myself because as much as i want to believe in heaven and spirits, the reality is that we don’t know so I just assume they don’t exist.
There’s a lot of work on my part now (meditating, positive thoughts, mindfulness, being active). I have to figure out what I want because the way I perceive the world is just what my mind thinks of it, my thoughts and stuff. I’m writing this because I hope that someone who was in my situation will have closure, too.
October 18, 2014 at 12:25 pm #66423InkyParticipantHi Again!
OK, so as long as we’re meditating on death, consider this: Imagine the eons of time that must have existed before you were born. About how your genes were in your parents, grandparents and relatives. A part of you was seeing out of their eyes. How the cells currently in your body were literally part of something else at the time/s. In/As grass, cattle, plants, water, etc.
Now think about how a part of you will one day see out of your children’s, grandchildren’s, etc. eyes. How your cells will literally, once again, be part of water, plants, air, etc. Sure, your current consciousness will be transformed, but it will change, as it always has.
Humans, eons ago, before language, before “thought”, lived, evolved, “Made it”. Their consciousness simply evolved. Same with the Earth. Same with the Universe. And, at a quantum level, aren’t we, at the end of the day, The Universe? We’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.
Change the meditations from fear to cosmic connection.
October 18, 2014 at 2:44 pm #66428ValerieParticipant😀 i totally get it now!
I kept thinking in terms of me, mine, myself….but really, different parts make up me. My mind is at ease when I think of it in terms of: different factors came together to make up my body so when I die, I’m giving back to everything. Like in my mind, life was linear but now I think of it as a circle…if that makes sense, lol.As long as I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments, I’ll be happy that I’m able to give back to the world once my time passes.
I read somewhere that one’s fear of death comes from childhood fears. I guess my biggest fear was people not being proud of me or not being good enough for others which to me makes sense since I felt there had to be more to life so I could be greater. Now that I think that everything comes full circle, now that I’m not so attached to my body I feel pretty liberated. Kinda believe in the soul too, now lol. Again, thanks very much, Inky! I’m glad I came on this website ^___^
October 18, 2014 at 7:24 pm #66435InkyParticipantAnytime! 🙂
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