“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole lives waiting to start living.” ~Eckhart Tolle
One key lesson I learned on my journey to developing my business knowledge base is that everything is built from the ground up, and each stage has important lessons for the subsequent stages. Sometimes we are only privy to the first stages.
Other times, we only see the middle and final stages. These are the times when we are wowed at how fast things have happened for others, and we become insecure and worried about the pace of our growth.
No one comes to Earth fully equipped with all the skills to make and sustain a successful business. For some, it takes years to even figure out what our business is. Plus, in this fast-paced world, we can quickly come to find out that there is no constant.
We may be in one business today and another tomorrow. In life, as in business, we are challenged to constantly reinvent, identify what does and does not work for us, and find ways to enhance the things that do.
Making successful life pivots requires an understanding that each phase of life brings its own set of challenges and lessons.
We create space for joy through flexibility and a willingness to love ourselves in and through each stage.
Too often we get stuck because where we are now does not look like we had envisioned. We waste precious time wishing things were otherwise, forgetting that we have the power to change our circumstances by merely choosing the way we interpret them.
Sometimes we stop living, hoping that if we just get through now we can have the life we want. This sometimes painful process holds significant lessons for growth and development.
This lesson in clarity and the importance of remaining in the now came to me while I was in graduate school.
I remember rushing through college, just trying to get done so that I could move on to graduate school—all the while rushing to finish my thesis, then finish practicum, then finish my dissertation in the hopes that I could finally start living my life.
I spent ten years of my life chasing the next starting point.
I lived, ate, and breathed school, all the while neglecting those experiences that were happening around me.
Opportunities to learn from others, and to connect and network with colleagues and friends in different fields, passed me by while I wished time would hurry up so that I could get started with my life.
It wasn’t until I was about to complete graduate school with no real social life, no significant relationships, and no real plan that the realization hit me. I had pegged so much on getting done that I had no idea who I was and what it meant for me to be an individual outside of academia.
As graduation neared, the pain of losing the structure hit me like a ton of bricks. I had relied so much on an institution to provide my social life and identity that living on my own terms elicited a truckload of existential angst and panic.
Many nights, I would lie awake wrangling my brain to figure out where to go next and what I could make happen, neglecting the fact that life is a process and the universe takes care of you if you let it.
What ensued was a frantic soul-searching and confidence-building initiative. Sadly, what had happened as I gave up my self-determination was that I lost confidence in my ability to make decisions.
I didn’t trust myself to make the best decisions for myself because I had allowed the academic process to lead my life. I had become a bystander in my own life and climbing back was no easy task.
In order to move away from waiting to live to living wholeheartedly I chose to:
1. Acknowledge that while I was waiting, life was happening.
The things I was waiting to happen were happening all around me; I was just not a part of them.
Life doesn’t stop because we’re busy. Children grow up, family members and friends grow, and the world keeps turning.
What happens in those moments can never be relived and regrets can never give them back.
We can start to help this process by opening our eyes and hearts and paying attention to what is happening around us.
While we might not be fully ready to wake up, realizing that things keep moving while we’re standing still may be the very thing that you need to cross over and start living the life that changes your entire being.
2. Stop second-guessing whether I was on the right path; no experience is wasted.
The emotion that we normally experience after realizing that life is passing us by is fear—fear that we have made the wrong decisions, that we have missed our calling, that where we are is not where we are meant to be.
What results is a frantic searching for purpose. We begin to think that, because we have not been participating in life as we were thought it would look, we must be on the wrong path.
While it’s true that we may not have experienced some things that may have had the potential to change our lives, careers, and family life choices, what we experience is what we are meant to.
Every path brings its own purpose and lessons for growth and happiness. The issue is not whether the path is right or wrong, but whether we have been paying attention to the opportunities for growth that the path presented.
Often, when we feel like life has passed us by, we have been awake at the wheel but paying very little attention to the lessons we were there to learn.
3. Start living in the moments I had knowing that now was as perfect a time as any.
As Eckhart Tolle wrote in his book The Power of Now, “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”
Remember that you can’t go back and change the past. You can choose how you will live the moments in front of you.
A decision to live these moments to the fullest will enhance your perception of the past and help you to identify the lessons that you can take with you into the present and future.
The memories of the past all have a place, to teach you lessons to move you closer to where you can be your best self. Nothing else. Not regret, anger or animosity.
Now provides the perfect opportunity to create the life you want. Take hope from the realization that now is the perfect time. It is all you have, after all. Do your best with it and live your life.
Jumping man image via Shutterstock
About Susaye Rattigan
Susaye Rattigan is a Clinical Psychologist and Coach for women who are desperate to connect with themselves so that they create the happiness, joy, and success that they are seeking. She lives in Jamaica, West Indies with her partner and daughter. You can find her at shesinspired.net, Facebook and Twitter.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Wow. I can relate to this so much, particularly about having put your life on hold while in college and being overly concerned about the “right” or “wrong” path in life. Thank you so much for this insightful piece. Your words are both comforting but also incredibly eye opening, and exactly what I needed.
Hi Susaye
I loved this post so much and you give such great advice and words of inspiration. I particularly liked your second tip because one thing I have learned in life that everything that we do and everything that happens is always moving towards us what we want. Anything ‘unwanted’ can help us reveal blocks, or help us fine tune our vision. When I learned to look at things in this way, there was less fear about making decisions..I knew it was all good and whatever happened was going to help. That doesn’t mean I have totally conquered fears and doubts, but I have gotten very good at getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, and if we can do that, we can make so many amazing changes, changes we never thought possible before.
Great stuff!
Great post Susaye, I enjoyed it and this is what I need in my life. It’d also true that life keeps on moving faster, we have to keep moving towards our primary goal with and be focus with strong positive desire. If we stop and stay still then negativity, fear automatically pops up in our mind which destroys our thinking power. Thanks for sharing
Thanks, Arpit. I am glad you enjoyed it. You are right. In order to achieve our goal we have to make consistent effort even when we don’t feel like it or are not sure. A lot of times we get stuck because things don’t look like we anticipated but we have to know that sometimes the path to where we want to go isn’t going to look like the destination and keep going anyway.
Hi Kelli. Thank you. You know that feeling of excitement you get when so done gets it? I got that feeling reading your comment. I love it. It’s funny because the unwanted things are often the things that grow us up and awaken us to things that we didn’t think needed our attention. Discomfort is always a message telling us we need to pay attention. Thanks for the comment and keep doing the work, Kelli.
Aww, Andrea. You are so welcome. Remember that life is a classroom where the lessons come even when you don’t want them to. Pay attention to what you are fearful of in moving forward and face it. I am glad I could help. Keep doing the work.
Love your article Susaye. You brought up great points! My view is just to go with the flow. Don’t take things so seriously! Live in the moment because right now is all you have. Looking to the past can be depressing, looking to the future too much can cause anxiety. Right now is peace. All we can do is try our best. : )
Dear Peace Within. I completely agree. So often we get caught up in what is going to happen or what has already happened forgetting that our power is in the present moment. I love your message. Keep sharing it and thanks for commenting.
Hey Susaye,
Great post! Tip #2 was especially meaningful for me. Sometimes it seems like I’ve changed careers more than some people change their socks. I used to worry constantly that I was wasting my time until one day I looked back and realized that everything I’ve gone through up to this point has been honing me and nudging me gently closer to where I really wanted to be.
Often times we can’t see this until after the fact, so eventually you have to learn to just trust the process. Even the “negatives” are not really negative; in fact, usually they’re a better motivator than the positive experiences.
Nothing that helps you grow & learn is ever a waste of time. The only wrong direction is none. Like Kelli said, becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable can lead to so many amazing things!
Thanks for sharing this!
Hi! Funnily enough, I just started thinking about all those things you talked about in your post. I am in my first year of Psychology and I can’t wait for “my life to finally start”. Through your post I realized that I should really put my focus on what is happening right now, though, because I am sure there are a lot of possibilities that could even help me in the future. It’s always so hard for me to find the balance between living in the present and in the future, because I just always want to move on.. still working on that!
You are exactly right! I spent my entire college experience counting the days til graduation when I wouldn’t have 3 hour labs at 7am. I thought, after graduation my life will finally begin. Now I realize how foolish that was. There are no dress rehearsals in life. People put off life for a lot of reasons, I think one of the worst ones is waiting until they lose weight, something I’ve been guilty of too. Thank you for a great article, and The Power of Now is a fantastic book.
You are so welcome. I love it that you can relate but sometimes don’t you wish you had that lesson beforehand? Well, everything in its time and now that we have it, we have an obligation to ourselves to savor the everyday moments. Keep doing the work.
Hi F. I love that you have found this post at this time. There are articles online that tell you what to do while you are in college to enrich your life and build relationships that will help your future. They include things like joining clubs and becoming involved in cultural experiences, internships and making connections, starting a blog and building a network. Yes, college is about learning but it is still a class on living life. Don’t miss the big picture. Keep doing the work.
Hi Mandie, I agree with your thought on the being no wrong direction. Everything has value and it is up to us to identify what the value is and use it to build our strength for the next phase. We are always learning and everything should be viewed as an opportunity to learn and to impact others. Thanks for the comment, Mandie and keep doing the work.
Thank you for this.I am in a crisis in my life because I feel that I am going around in circles and I am wasting my life here in Warsaw. I have had enough of this city and with teaching English and I am trying to get my acting career off the ground and move on. I just need some guidance, I feel distracted and lost. I just want to move around Europe and find my way in the industry. And no one seems to understand that.
I have been in a deep depression the past week and I am afraid. I am afraid that I might try to do something stupid. Some moments during the day I start to cry others moments I feel ok, but I am so lonely here.
Hi Talya. You are so welcome. Being in crisis is a really tough spot to be in but know that a crisis point is always the fire required for a breakthrough and is definitely not the time to give up. Being depressed about a situation is good intel that what you have going on is not working and you need to back off of the self bashing and take care of yourself. I’m a little concerned so if you would like please contact me through my website contact page. In the meantime, despite how tough it all is right now, there are lessons to be learned that are paving your path for you to fulfill the amazing purpose you came here for. Now is the time to commit to doing the work and actually do it.
“The emotion that we normally experience after realizing that life is
passing us by is fear—fear that we have made the wrong decisions, that
we have missed our calling, that where we are is not where we are meant
to be.” This is been one of the biggest struggles in my life, esp the past few years. Thank you sharing your story; this was quite helpful. 🙂
Thanks for such wonderful thoughts