You don’t have to have kids to carry the past into the present moment 🙂 Anyone who is around the age suitable for Steve is going to have a past. Steve has a past. Things happen in life and people find themselves in new circumstances and they have to adapt. No need to be judgemental about it.

I do agree though that one should feel comfortable with themselves before starting dating.

The problem with online dating is that it creates the illusion of a marketplace, where you have a lot of options, but you know that you get to choose only one. So people behave the same way as when shopping for a large investment, like a car or a house. Some people hate shopping so much, that they would rather just quickly have their most basic needs met and be done with it. Some like to browse a bit more before making any commitment. It doesn’t mean being a player. That’s just how it ends up being in the world of online dating. Sure, there are also those who get so hooked on the dating process itself that they aren’t interested in settling for anyone.

As for this one person who is interested in meeting, but is being aloof. Aloof isn’t always a bad sign. Intensity is a worse sign than being aloof, to be honest. Being able to handle temper is important, in my opinion. She said that she has plans for next week, but is interested in meeting you. If you haven’t asked her any direct question that she should answer to, then what is the problem with the pace? She might be in contact with you after she comes back from the lake. Being really invested in one person even before meeting them is the sort of intensity that can be a bad sign. You haven’t established a true connection yet, so she isn’t invested enough in you. Doesn’t mean that she is a player. It can mean that she has a bit of common sense. Of course it could be that she is bonkers, but I wouldn’t say that based on what you’ve written.

You need to handle your own temper and cool down a bit. Don’t be too eager to settle for the first one that seems OK enough. That gives out an air of desperation, and that’s not good. Relax, and try to see the people as someone interesting that you might get to know along the way, and not as someone who could potentially offer you something that you need. That kind of attitude also takes away the shopping element, and you might be able to see and accept people as they are!

I extensively used online dating services on and off for 4 years before meeting my now fiancé, so I can share a little bit of my own experience. Even when I messaged someone that I wanted to meet them, it didn’t stop me from continuing to browse through the other profiles. It was only once I was consistently meeting up with someone in real life that I would drop off from browsing the online dating world. Dating is just dating to me, playing the field. Unless there’s a mutually agreed on commitment to monogamy between both people, no harm in continuing to look!

Hi

I think people freaked out because you *seemed* angry that she was looking at other profiles while interested in you.

For all you know this is how she gets her kicks to counteract the drudgery of potty training and sippy cup cleaning.

And for all she knows, you could be one of those bad guys. My point is Why go trolling the internet for strangers when there are plenty of people you may already know or be introduced to IRL, where love could blossom naturally and with more safety. I dunno, dating sites are the last places I would go if I’m still counting my child’s age in months. No offense, just makes me go “Hmmmm”.

Steve,
Surely you recognize that people’s lives are busy. I think the lady giving you the heads up that she’ll be off to the lake for a week (to me, the implication is that she’s letting you know she may be a bit unresponsive, which is very considerate of her) along with the fact that she sent the notification that she wants to meet you are all positive, good signs. You might wonder why she’s still logging onto the site if she’s not responding to you. One thing to consider is that the level of effort required to log in and take a look around is a lot lower than the effort required to respond to messages. I have my email up all day at my desk, and I respond to emails as I feel the desire to write back. I would hate for any of my friends to think that the timeliness of my response has any correlation to my affection for them as people. “But she has her email up all day, why isn’t she writing back?” If there were something that demanded an expedited response (“Do you want to go to the ball game tonight?”) I would respond immediately. However, a general “here’s a download of stuff going on in my life, how are you doing?” shouldn’t make a person feel pressured to respond, despite whatever else they have going on. In your case, you telling the gal to have a fun time likely put a smile on her face. She wants to meet you. She knows she won’t be able to meet you until she returns from the lake. Don’t invest so much into hearing back a “thank you, talk to you soon!”

I would avoid asking her if she’s still interested, and rather just throw an invitation out there. “Would you like to meet for coffee next Thursday?” or whatever. Let her response to an invitation be your guide to if she is interested. For what it’s worth, one of the reasons I do not participate in online dating is because of the pressure I feel from guys who are very eager and get worked up over not getting immediate responses, or who make assumptions about my level of interest based on relatively benign indicators (logging in but not responding, for example). Understand from a woman’s point of view, we get TONS of messages to respond to and frankly, it’s a lot of work. Good things come to those who wait. In the meantime, ask out the other lady and see how things go.