Hi all, so I’m new to the TinyBuddha community, but I’ve read a lot of posts in the forum and see that many of you have so much knowledge and encouragement to offer! Therefore, I’m taking a chance and posting in hopes of getting an outsiders perspective on the situation.

First of all, there is this guy who I’ve dated on and off since middle school, I’ll call him Pete. He is pretty much my best friend, has seen me at my worst, and just someone I can tell anything too. I was certain I would marry him one day. Over the past four years he has broken up with me twice, for pretty lengthy periods of time. This past time, I found someone else who I dated for a year, I’ll call him Shane. This guy is much older then me and has a child, which I thought was perfect, because I was looking to settle down and Pete did not want too. So, I thought I had found the one with Shane, but Pete kept coming back into my life (and I let him) saying how much he made a mistake and how much he loved me, and that he had changed. This whole past year, I have been going back and forth with my feelings, do I want Pete, do I want Shane? This has affected Shane and I’s relationship to the point that I’m not allowed to be around his child because he doesn’t trust me, which seems logical–he’s protecting his child. However, I did make several attempts to step back several times in the relationship in order to figure out my feelings and protect the child, but Shane would get very angry with me and almost not allow it.
At this point in time, I haven’t seen Shane in a month because he’s too busy with work and his child, and Pete contacts me to hang out on a daily basis because he has no real responsibilities. Shane hardly has time to talk, so we don’t talk much. When I ask him if he would just like to move on and do his own thing, he throws a fit and is very belittling. Apparently, he is waiting for me to figure out my feelings, but doesn’t really seem interested in making an effort to see or talk to me. Pete on the other hand, will drop everything to see me and help me.
The problem is, when I’m with Pete, I miss Shane and I’s chemistry. We may not have had the best relationship, and I may not have opened up my heart to him yet, but we were physically connected like no one I’ve ever met. Perhaps maybe I could open up and create a good relationship with him, but I would feel horrible for Pete. Pete knows me so well and will take care of me if need be, but when it comes to intimacy, I’m almost repulsed by him. I don’t know if it is something subconsciously because he’s left so many times, but when he touches me or tries to kiss me I tense up and become extremely anxious. If I could combine these two people, I’d be satisfied.
The dilemma is, these two guys are putting pressure on me to choose; they both claim to love me, but I merely like each of them in very different ways. I don’t know whether I should say goodbye to both parties and try and move on (I’m very horrible at closing doors to the past) or I should choose one or the other based off of …? I’m not sure. I’m just scared to miss out “the one” so to say.

If you guys have any words of advice, please give them! Good or bad, I’m open to anything.
Thank you.