Hi again,

So a few weeks have past and I am still struggling to fully become myself and to fully accept myself. I have been constantly alone and this hasn’t been as negative as it may sound. I have just been thinking alot and while this can spark some good thoughts, it really ignites the bad. My past will not leave me. I keep thinking and thinking “You are the worst kind of person because, you lied, you were too dependent, you were self adsorbed, you ruined your relationships with everyone around you, you didn’t try, you disappointed those closest to you, you don’t know what you want to do in life, you are lost trash.” Extremely harsh words I have been saying to myself and I can’t stop. I have people who say they still care about me and they just want me to be myself, but I just feel its easier said than done. I don’t want to disappoint them though. That’s the biggest thing to me. I just close my eyes and see them all turning their backs to me as they continue to walk forward. I have something going with a guy that I was friend’s with before and we are currently just dating, but I want to potentially have something more in the future, but I need to move on from this or that will never happen. He says he wants to get to know me better and have more meaningful conversation like we had had in the past. He said all he wants is for me to be myself. That is what all of my friends are saying too (the ones that I still have at least). Also, I am starting at an art college in January and I need to have something to motivate me when im there. The people who say they still care about me aren’t with me all the time like they were in the past because I had moved.

Its just…on the track im riding right now, ill never get there.

Please I need some encouragement, im scared and I am done living like this.

Thanks