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An unemotional girl or a needy guy?

HomeForumsRelationshipsAn unemotional girl or a needy guy?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #58851
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Blaice

    I was just about to log off when I saw your post. It put a huge smile on my face. Thank you so much for that 🙂 So organised as well hehehe.

    Hey, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with her. Give this relationship some time, pls.

    You need to not only accept her for who she is but most importantly, you need to accept Blaice for who he is. It is ok to be a needy guy. It is ok to have doubts like you are having only few months into the relationship. However, these things are not going to get you closer to this woman. From my experience, if we are able to be just US in every relationship or experience then that relationship / experience benefits a big time. No compromises and no judgments.

    You are YOU and she is SHE and with time, you both will start to appreciate your uniqueness. We are all sooooooo unique in every way. No human on this planet is same as the next, which means, no same philosophy or ideation works for us all. What may work for the other women you have dated in the past may not work for this woman at all but that doesn’t mean that your effort and love will be wasted.

    Every relationship and person can teach us something valuable. Perhaps, take some time to understand what you could learn from this blooming relationship. In my opinion, there are no success or failures in anything in this world but only beautiful lessons, which help us to evolve into a better and bigger being.

    Hang in there and do all that you need to do, which makes Blaice happy in this relationship but WITHOUT any expectations (or guilt) for return of that affection. Trust me, it will pay off either way (she will either appreciate it and your relationship will grow to a new level OR you will learn something beautiful about Blaice and Blaice will move onto better things in life).

    Loads of positive energy coming your way,

    Jasmine

    #58852
    Inky
    Participant

    Speaking as an introvert, don’t take her introversion personally.

    Also, get through finals. It’s the end of the year, yes? No one needs to solve this relationship stuff until after the exams.

    Can you see her over the summer?

    I think you are possibly thinking too much about this, and she will pick up on it and make her introversion worse around you.

    She will only open up to you more in time, right? Give it time, but then move on in the fall if you’re still not clicking.

    #59210
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks for your words, @jasmine-3. I have to laugh reading back through my post because I seem to query problems and then almost immediately or indirectly answer them myself. I think I know everything is progressing fine, it’s just sometimes I get caught up in waves of overanalysis that tend to cripple. My main contention, if I can summarise my entire post with some measure of concision, is that I am totally OK with going slow and developing something with her but as a guy and, probably more importantly, as an overly emotive human, I need fairly regular affirmation or validation from the people I recognise as significant in my life. Obviously best friends can go a few weeks without any contact and nothing will have changed. With ‘new’ women, I guess I feel suffocated by a lack of attention, or at least the level of attention that I deem appropriate. If an introvert only needs 1/10 attention every day and an extrovert needs 10/10, the rank is numerically arbitrary given that we each have our own interpretation of what constitutes different needs. Her 8/10 might, in relativity, be my 2/10 and so I think I need to stop trying to expect her to register my interpretation but perhaps become more self-aware that people are intrinsically different.

    Irrespective of all of this, I am having fun getting to know her but obviously feel if I’m having good fun seeing her every fortnight then I’d be having great fun if it were weekly or AMAZING RIDICULOUS FUN if it were daily. My personality seems to require stacking upon stacking of good things rather than accepting them individually and savouring them without the need to require more and more. It’s naturally human for me to want to progress things and want more out of our friendship the more days that go by but, as you say, I think patience should be a priority. The fact that she barely has time for guys drooling over her, has only had one serious relationship, has had a really bad incident(s) with trust, is more of a tom-boy, is extremely mature for her age, and on top of all these is an introvert, then I really shouldn’t be second-guessing that taking things a little slower than I’m used to is completely fine. As I said, for now I just can’t break from the idea that it’ll just one day end up snuffing out because it hasn’t progressed. For her, that’s not a problem. For me, however, it is. I’m very critical of women and I attribute that supremely to the typically few serious relationships I’ve had. Having said this, those few women I have loved incredibly. I barely give my heart out to people but when I do it’s 100% or nothing. I don’t think she can ever be like that and it’s not anything to do with me, it’s just her chemistry.

    Anyway, I appreciate your words. Especially those to do with learning and living. It’s so true! Learning and experiencing different people is really interesting and worthwhile in the greater scheme, love or not.

    #59215
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks for your words, @Inky. I’m Australian so we finish our finals during Winter and then have the cold to look forward to haha. She has opened up to me considerably over the past month, even through limited conversations during exams. It makes it a little harder given she lives about 45mins from me, which isn’t a big deal at all but it makes it harder to just spontaneously hang out. To answer your question: yes I definitely want to bank some huge time with her over the break, so that’ll be fun. It’s not that she’s introverted in her communication, it’s just in showing her feelings and relaying those to me. I remember a turning point was when I was talking about my ex and she suddenly exploded about it and told me she was interested in me and to stop talking about her because it made her jealous. That was probably the first time she was explicit in her feelings for me. Sometimes I just wish should could be a little more ‘mainstream’; you know, I wouldn’t mind some back every now and then. But she feels really awkward doing it. I don’t presume to know why other than that’s simply her. Oh well. Thanks for the advice. Although I don’t think I can move on so quickly. I give people so much time, at least the ones I actually end up liking. I know it’s a positive attribute but at the moment it’s just feeling more of a burden than anything satisfying.

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