Hi Sherry,

You have to train these guys. There are four ways.

1. Your best girl friend and/or her husband calls him on his cell and says, “We have to do something for Sherry/the girls for Valentines Day/Mother’s Day!” Social Pressure. Win.

2. Cry. “I can’t believe you forgot Valentines/Mother’s Day AGAIN!” Then go into a depression for three days.

3. The day before plan to visit your mother, his mother, the ex, any mother. Go to a Sunday church service (their Mother’s Day service, usually a full house). Say, “I expect coffee in bed”. When your kids run to you while in bed say, “It’s Mother’s Day”. Young as they are, they will panic and produce a card. Or, just don’t get out of bed. Be waited on, or at least don’t do anything. Do this with Valentines too.

4. The elementary schools usually do *something* in honor of these days. Have your kids ask dad, “What are we doing for Mom for Valentines/Mothers Day.

Sherry,

I disagree with inkrid’s approach, seems manipulative, which is a short term patch for a long term issue. Does he know about your feelings about valentine’s day and mother’s day? Sometimes women feel their feelings are invalid, and fear sharing them. This leads to a build up of pressure that festers into resentment. Often, men would do anything to see their loved one happy, but don’t like feeling forced into behaving. Consider approaching it like a puzzle. “When you didn’t do anything for me on v-day or mother’s day, it felt icky for me. I like feeling loved and tenderly attended, and your non-action left me feeling unloved. What is it like on your side?”

Said differently, come to the plate, offer him your side, and open gently to his. Do you know why he didn’t do anything? Is he rebellious to “hallmark holidays”? Does he offer you tender attentions in other ways?

This may be a symptom of poor communication of feelings and thoughts in your relationship. Its foolish to expect him to be psychic or just “get your needs” if you don’t express them before they are full of pressure and anger. Said differently, consider a heart to heart, it’ll be good for you both in the long run. If he needs some motivation, you can always tell him that a properly tended woman often feels safe to be much more expressive with her passion. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Sherry, i think one needs a bit of nudging and sometimes plain talk without the blaming, accusing emotionally charged tone. It depends on the situation. Sometimes the way it is communicated can also make a huge difference. Remember that no person wants to feel like they’re screwing up – keeping this in mind, make sure you never approach them when your emotions are talking way more than your sense of reason. Sometimes we feel so hurt that our judgement about the other person’s side of the story gets blurred. If we approach them then in pure anger, we will leave with regret.. So dont hold back your feelings, communicate them at the right time in a moderated way.

Inkrid,

Reads like a fish, smells like a fish, swims like a fish, but really isn’t? Consider, there is nothing manipulative about attempting to help our partners learn to give to us skillfully, such as “my shoulders feel better when you rub them this way” or “my heart feels light and well tended when you buy me flowers” and so forth. The manipulative aspect is in getting others to hint and speak for us, failing to be direct and honest about our needs, and so on and so forth. Consider your list is missing the kissing. Such as “talk to him directly about what you want.” Call your friends? Tell the children? Cry? Don’t intentionally wield energy in such ways, it leads to isolation and resentment. Apple seeds grow apple trees. Instead, be direct and courageous in love, and love will grow directly and passionately. IMHO. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

From someone that once got a blender for her wedding anniversary, I can tell you that crying, telling a friend to tell him, using the kids and such. Is manipulative and wont work in the long run. Communication, honest and forthright is the only way to build and maintain a healthy relationship. Playing games and manipulating a partner is wrong and will lead to the demise of the relationship.