“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown
Sitting at my kitchen table, I can’t help but ask myself over and over again how I got to be here. Just yesterday it seems I was sitting with my family for dinner, discussing my college plans and a future that seemed so far away from the comfortable and naïve life I always knew.
Now, I am graduating from college and embarking on the unknown journey that is “the real world” with what seems like no preparation whatsoever. Well, I wouldn’t say that. If they had beer pong tournaments or sorority trash talking in this “real world,” I would be more than prepared.
The funny thing about life is that it’s set up to always be preparing us for something.
Elementary school gets us ready for junior high school, which prepares us for high school, which prepares us for college, which prepares us for this “real world.” We are set on this path right from the start and told to follow the path to get us to where we need to be.
But what society doesn’t seem to understand is that humans aren’t designed to stick to one path. Humans are free flowing, always changing, and always moving. One moment we can be so joyful we want to start a flash mob in the middle of the train station, and the next we can be disheartened and hopeless.
Our feelings are ever changing and ever flowing, as are our thoughts, beliefs, interests, and our relationships with others.
Maybe this is why when we are told to pick a major, a job, or a career, we are ultimately faced with the hardest challenge of our life. We spent our whole lives preparing for this moment, after all. The decided fate of what we will spend our whole lives doing.
When I was faced with the big decision of picking my major and future career four years ago, I was at a standstill. I had so many interests, how was it possible to pick just one? Being the over analyzer I naturally am, I contemplated for a long time, measuring the pros and cons of each profession. I planned and thought, and planned some more.
But it was when I was on a road trip with my family to Colorado, when I had finally stopped planning and thinking, that everything made sense to me.
I was sitting in the car next to my little brother, who has autism. He is nonverbal but probably smarter than any average thirteen old; people just don’t see him how I do.
Pondering about life, as I had nothing else to do in a twenty-five-hour car ride, everything suddenly made sense.
Speech therapy, where I can help people like my brother whose intelligence is underestimated due to his autism, suddenly became my purpose. I can’t explain the feeling other than it seemed like my brother was set on this planet to be my brother and to help me find this purpose in life.
It turned out all that time contemplating my future had gone to waste, because I didn’t need to contemplate at all. I just knew, and the beauty of it all was that it came to me when I was doing absolutely nothing.
So this is where the great plan idea doesn’t quite have it right.
We spend our whole life in preparation. We don’t realize that while we’re planning, we’re missing out on the important things in life. While we’re planning, we’re missing out on the opportunities to relax and let the plan come to us.
We’re missing out on valuable time spent living our lives worry-free and stress-free. Nobody needs a plan or a set path to get to where they need to be, because where you need to be is where you already are.
Being someone who is in the process of growing up, I can confidently say that I believe humans never really “grow up.” But I do believe that humans are constantly growing and changing to be the best selves they can be. People have multiple purposes in life, not just one.
So take those risks. Venture onto different paths; explore the paths that may seem far-fetched or unrealistic. Travel the world, start a business, do the things that are pulling you toward them.
I strongly believe everything happens for a reason, and if you have an instinct to do something, there is a reason for that feeling.
When you become confused about life, can’t make a decision, or are anxious about having a plan, take a deep breath and remember that life is a journey, not a destination. There is no plan required in life. The only thing required is to keep an open mind and go with the flow.
You never know what might hit you when you are relaxed and doing nothing, and what instinct will draw you to your next adventure.
It’s important to have faith in yourself and know that our internal selves are more powerful than we think.
If we can trust ourselves, knowing that we don’t need anything external to give us answers, everything will come together. Remember, you know yourself better than anyone else, even if you don’t think you do.
About Shayna Heichman
Shayna Heichman is a senior at the University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana. She grew up in Deerfield, IL and is a dancer, aspiring yogi, and travel enthusiast. She enjoys writing, though she’s a bit of an amateur. She’s going on to receive her Master’s Degree in Speech Language Pathology.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
This is a valuable lesson for anyone starting out in life.
I wish someone had told me this before I chose the career my parents wanted me to have and before I got married/had kids which mean my options are so much more limited these days as we cannot afford for me not to work.
Wow. Amazing Article!
Finding your life’s purpose is not easy, but it makes the life worth living.
For me it is very easy: do what your passion is and you will find a way to build your life with it =)
Wow Shayna, this is a great post! Kudos to you for the perspective you have on life. Not everyone at your age has this wisdom or sees through this lens. I most definitely did not. I was deep within the system our society has laid out for us. Best of luck to you and thanks for sharing your story. #UnlessYouCare
I’ve spent/wasted a lot of time trying to figure out “what to do with my life”. In the end though, I think I’ve come to this realization…what I need to do with my life is to show up at every moment and be the best I can be. The rest is just window dressing…
Shayna, what an amazing article! It reminds me of this inspirational idea: the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why… And I believe that it is up to us to “let the world know why you are here, and do it with passion… “ ;-]
Shayna,
Very nice piece. I especially enjoyed the following paragraph:
But what society doesn’t seem to understand is that humans aren’t designed to stick to one path. Humans are free flowing, always changing, and always moving. One moment, we can be so joyful we want to start a flash mob in the middle of the train station, and the next we can be disheartened and hopeless.
Best wishes on your current chosen path and all the meanderings that follow.
nicely written Shayna! really life is a journey but sometimes there are destination . 🙂
Shayna, thanks for an amazing post. I really loved it! So often we go through life trying to reach our goals (and I do believe in having goals) and get to a destination that we miss out on the journey. Since the journey is where we spend most of our life, we are missing out on most of our life, if we only focus on the destination (goal). That is why we need to learn to live life in the margins, and experience and enjoy the journey. Thanks for sharing!
Wow!! well written Shayna “There is no plan required in life. The only thing required is to keep an open mind and go with the flow” We plan all the time and by doing that, we miss to enjoyment of life a lot. I used to plan what I would have for dinner and a last few months, I am not planning at all and keeping an open mind to have healthy food and going with the flow and notice that I am having healthy dinner all the time.
Well said.
43 and still haven’t found anything I’m truly passionate about. I thought it was being a wife & mom, but my husband dumped me and my kid is grown. I’m not-so-patiently awaiting some clue as to what’s next.
It’s important to trust in yourself, be present in every moment of your life, do what you like and be grateful with what you have done
Great article. I liked the points you touched. Personally, I have been trying to be more present in the now and not worry so much about what is coming next. Over all, I think I have gotten better at it, but I can’t deny that there are days when anxiety takes over and then it becomes hard to see things as clear, having the faith necessary to be productive and getting closer to your goals.
Just gotta stay strong and plow through those days, I guess. What the heck am i doing anyway…
Thanks Shawn…much appreciated!
I think the fallacy in this issue is that most people long for the moment when they will suddenly realize what is their dream job. The truth is that our ever changing nature makes it impossible for such a thing like a dream job to exist. But you can go for something better- a dream life! a lifestyle that you value and would make your life happy. Then you can fit in the work you would like but your happiness would not depend on just the work.
Great article and so true, life is what happens when we’re making other plans. If we just show up and do stuff and stay present then we’ll find where we should be.
I think, when it comes to education, that we have lost our way a bit. I know there needs to be a certain amount of preparation – the reading, writing and arithmetic stuff – but after that I feel it should be about experience and experimentation. If we stop making our children choose, and making those choices get more and more constrictive until they graduate then we give the chance to discover who they are and what they love as they grow. The days of “a job for life” are all but gone, so why are we still limiting our children’s choices?
Why only show them a single path when they have the whole world at their feet?
Just enjoy the moment you say?
What a well-writen and amazing piece! As a fellow collegian also approaching graduation, it gave me real insight and perspective and I feel much better placed to take on the future! You have given me the confidence that in every step i take and every move I make is the right one. As my grandfather has always instilled in me; “You can only find your inner peace by helping others find theirs”. Keep on inspiring and never stop being the person who you are.
I love that quote- thanks a lot!-Shayna
I think it is ridiculous how much pressure is put on adolescents to plan their life out. School is always teaching us to plan for the future and be prepared. If instead it taught us how to enjoy the moment I think it would be easier for people to decide what they want to do with their lives. It would be kind of a taoist principle applied to western society; when you do not force things, they come naturally.
Well put.
I recall now sitting in my college library as an economics student, passing time with this same “trying to figure it all out” internal dialog instead of studying for the accounting exam that was then only hours away. Perusing the stacks, I came across a copy of Aviation Weekly which had a picture of the F-22 on its cover. The image reminded of my childhood fascination for space and flight and with that image, my “future” became more certain. I switched paths from economics to aerospace engineering and was almost immediately given a full scholarship for engineering.
That was almost a decade ago now and what sits beside that memory is another memory of my past five years working for the only non-defense rocket company out there, doing something that would certainly have fascinated my five year old self. Yet now I’m presented with that “what’s next” yet again. Now I’m looking for that next magazine cover or whatever guide post to help direct me forward. All too easily caught up in a tizzy and distracted from a great truth.
Ed Herzog says it best: just be present in this moment. Now is the only time that has ever existed and too it is the only time that will ever exist.
If you only had to face that choice four years ago, you haven’t yet faced the real hard wall. Wait for it, and pray with all your might it won’t hit you hard, and the choice you made was a good one. You’re still young. The gravity of what you’re tackling won’t hit you till you’re past your mid 30s, believe you me. An advice from an old loser who contemplated far too long what her “destiny” is: screw it all, work on something one day at a time, think of it as temporary and move on the next day. Now that there’s still time, that you can still ride that wind and not fall back in the “redundant” heap. Good luck.
Just what I needed to hear today.
“If we can trust ourselves, knowing that we don’t need anything external to give us answers, everything will come together.”
Loved the way you said that, Shayna.
It takes articles like this, to tell us that our feelings to not conform to society’s expectations are normal. My programming is so strong, I felt wrong to feel like the way I do. Thank you for the teaching.
“People have multiple purposes in life, not just one.” I couldn’t agree with you more! Thanks for this post. Now, I know I’m not alone in this! =)
Shayna, thank you so much for your words. I can’t tell you how much this has helped me. I’m currently a second year university student, and I’ve been struggling with a lot of things lately. My whole life I’ve been such an academically driven person – not for myself, but because I felt like succeeding academically was the way I would get approval from my family and friends. I have a chronic pain condition, and I felt like as long as I did well and better than most, despite my health, everything would be good – I would be happy, safe and secure – loved. During uni I’ve realised that this path I let myself walk has stripped me of so much. I let academics take over my whole life, and fear has caused so much stress for me that I’ve literally found myself sitting on the bathroom floor in the dark, shaking and my teeth chattering, sobbing, because I feel like if I don’t get work that I HATE done, then I’ll fail this or that exam and if I fail then my degree will not be ‘good enough,’ it will be average or below, people around me will think I’m dumb and I’ll never get a good job, the power will be taken away from me, and I’ll be unhappy, I’ll have a bad life and regret my actions.
It has taken me so long to realise the truth of the situation – that I have a bad life right now, I’m unhappy right now, and I let all the power be taken from me the second I placed my self-worth in something other than my self.
When you talk about how we’re set up to feel that x leads to y to lead to z it’s like you reached in and took the words from my mind. I know I haven’t figured everything out yet and that fear is still holding me back in so many ways, that my mind is still programmed to see the path as safe. But it brings me peace to see that you have found your way by letting go, and it brings me hope that I can do the same. Instead of this mentality where we constantly sacrifice now, for the hope and dream of a better future is so wrong. I don’t think you can work for a concept of happiness, I think you have to constantly choose happiness, and then every act of ‘work’ becomes an act of happiness. There is no path that is laid before us and if we follow it correctly we will be happy, we have to make a path. Again, thank you. I hope one day I have people in my life who think openly like you.
Awesome post! Thanks for sharing this info.
I really love this message and can relate 100% to this journey. I’m currently going through a transition of my own, after quitting my job (you can read about it here). I’ve been taking my time to meditate, reflect, and just breathe for a while and allowing the universe to guide me to my next step. I’ve started to feel like I’m just being lazy, but this post is a good reminder of the need for calm and pause sometimes. Thank you!
Catherine | The Single Diaries
“On Burning Out”
This is scary, because I am a senior too (I’m graduating next semester– a semester later than my class). I wonder about what I’m going to do with my life… But I came across the same realization as you, my sophomore year in college: speech therapy.
I have an autistic younger brother as well. He’s high-functional, though. But I remember the months spent at different speech therapists, looked into the major, and took up an intro class.
I fell in love, and the next three years I loved every class I took.
Until I got to my senior year, where we are fortunate enough to have a clinic class (we have a clinic in one of our building’s basements where we take actual clients that pay and we teach with the supervision of our certified professor who gives us feedback twice a week the whole semester with our one client).
I found out I HATED it.
I personally believe that you don’t know what you like until you actually TRY it. We’re at a time of our life where we should be experiencing ALL kinds of experiences… NOTHING is like actually getting your hands dirty in something you’re interested in, versus just learning about it.
For me and speech therapy, I LOVED learning the science aspects of the field and all of the things about speech were SOOO intriguing to me (IPA, dialects, tongue placements, anatomy, etc). But I learned during my senior year that I HAAAATE teaching when I took some education classes to fulfilled my mini minor I had to get for my degree.
I know for speech therapy I can teach adults with aphasia or any other speech issues from accidents, but for my client (who was a well-behaved, sweet girl) I HATE teaching. I’m not a fan of kids and I was never allowed to babysit when I was younger… So I have no clue what kids want, how to be creative with them… During my sessions I would follow EXACTLY what my professor told me to do with my client. I had to Google everything, and even then I still stuck EXACTLY to what they said. I could not think outside of the box to save my life. I’d stand in our resource closet and had no clue how to make lessons fun, moveable (to keep kids energized and alert), and creative. I hated ANYTHING that had to do with the sessions, and I realized the semester before how horrible I was with kids when I was in those education classes.
When I tried to be a group fitness trainer that semester before, I learned I just CANNOT teach a group of people, or even one-on-one. I HATE planning anything that involves other people. We were told to make up a 5 minute warm up for our class and I spent three hours on it because I didn’t know if I wanted to do yoga stretches, or something intense… What if someone has a bad knee? What if someone has respiratory issues? Should the alterations for them be slight or a different move to warm up to entirely? How will I read faces of the people who are struggling when they won’t say? How do I help them without calling them out?
I got so stressed out that I got the shakes! Later that summer a group of friends asked what did I wanna do for my birthday, and knowing they were all involved, I started crying because I REALLY didn’t want to be bothered with trying to make sure they enjoyed themselves too on whatever happened on my birthday. I just kept telling them I did not care… Until I cried.
Learning ALL of this… That I can’t plan, I HATE teaching, and am not creative when it comes to others involvement… Showed me that speech therapy is not my path. I LOVED learning, but DOING was a night and day difference for me until I had experiences with things I had to do in that field. It opened my eyes to my strengths and weakness and the difference between working through obstacles because you’re absolutely passionate about what you do, versus just straight out, absolutely being bad at something and hating it so much so that it physically takes a toll on you, and I’m grateful for that.
When I graduate, I plan to spend at least a year exploring options. This time, I’m not just gonna learn, but get my hands dirty.
(SOOOOO sorry for the novel!!) I tend to get a bit too wordy. =/
If life was mapped in a specific or preconceived way then pondering what to do with our lives would be senseless and in vain. Each opportunity has a different journey and each decision brings different lifestyles……My point being that change is an opportunity and the decisions you make will alter the outcome, take a risk and live beyond expectation….there is no right and every wrong is a lesson, you are only on the wrong path if you constantly second guess your decisions!!!
Fear not your failure to reach the destination but rather your inability to start the journey!!!
I find that as soon as you take the focus off yourself the rest comes naturally. True happiness comes from helping others. Everything that I have ever done has been with this in mind and it has never failed me.
man i really dont know what should i do after 12th
I agree 100%. It’s not fair that we’re forced to choose one path, one career that we’re suppose to stick with for the rest of our lives. We’re hunters, we find food in different areas at any given moment. We don’t feel alive by doing the same thing everyday, especially if we don’t have any other choice. Thanks for this, it helped me a lot!
During my last time in high school I had this ‘what I’m going to do next’ moment (ok it was like 6 months long but call it moment). After time and time thinking about my biggest passions and abilities and changing my mind everyday, I had this brainwave watching tv. I realized that I want to dedicate my abilities to the others, that’s why right now I’m in college studying for a degree that allows me to be a cancer researcher, and maybe one day (who knows) my passion for chemistry will find a cure for that terrible ailment.
http://justsem.wordpress.com/
Thanks for that lovely thought! It’s true, but so hard to get.
I am also wondering what to do with my life. I am a computer programmer now, I remember i took up I.T in college not because i am into computers but because they say you can earn a lot with this kind of profession. “Money” one of the things that actually seduces a person to do things without even thinking if you would really love/enjoy what you are doing. I really wanted to be a musician or maybe an animator which i think is a little bit late now. I am still in the process of knowing what i want in my life. Great article though.
Wow. As a rising junior, this is just what I needed to hear right now. Summer vacation began two weeks ago, and yet I am still stressing over how teachers were bombarding us at the end of the year about how many tests we have to pass, how we have to start applying to colleges, dates, deadlines, studying (plus an add-on of way too much summer homework for a “vacation”). At times it seems that I just can’t deal with it all. I’m a worrier, even though my GPA is 4.67. My parents expect me to know what I want to do soon, my teachers expect that, and yet I don’t even have many interests! I know that I need to let go of everyone else’s expectations and just do me… but it’s hard.
I feel as if I have being doing “nothing” for three years and yet I have no answers. I’m more lost than I have ever been and no idea what to do now.
I have been struggling and still is to know about myself…about my likes…dislikes…do please help me in this
My problem is that I want to do things that require going to super-expensive schools and get discouraged in this highly competitive world thinking I may not get that far successfully to pay off those high student loans. I was already stuck paying off a year’s worth of loans for a decade which didn’t do much towards any careers because I lost interest in the field altogether. What if I work so hard at something else and lose interest again wasting more money?
Same here girl. I already graduated though and I’m always so worried about what others think.
i have got a well paid job in the most reputed company and yet i m not happy with what i m doing;at the same time i m sceptical to take the risk of leaving the job and exploring what i really want to do as i have too many ideas floating in my mind but dont know hot to go about it and also a single person at it …wish i had a reliable partner …what if i ended up with no money and only time to kill?
I am 26 now and just got married i wanted to be a teacher for a long time but now realizing maybe i am not the kind of person who can take any more schooling i enjoy learning but just the process has worn me out . I want to make people proud . But most of all i just to find peace and be happy . But i dont kmow what kind of career i want thank u guya
I think understanding who you are and how you work is ridiculously important. I felt so depressed and lonely for so long because I didn’t understand who I was or what I wanted, I just never gave myself the time of day and used anything as a distraction; food,sleep etc. I lost all energy and passion of life.
I am in such a healthy state of mind now though. I’ve tried online courses but I didn’t feel connected to them enough, yeah I got to understand how to help myself but had no motivation to implement change. And the courses would be aimed at everyone…not me personally.
Tbh I think all I really need was to feel apart of something and stop being lonely but had no idea how to stop avoiding social connection. So my mum showed me this website called soul-surgeons. I did program 1: Soul searching and was with a group of about 12 people. First class was so difficult but after we’d all shared about ourselves we got to realise how similar we all were and I had instantly gained 12 friends. From then on, I got heaps better. I learnt about myself but actually got given a personalised lifestyle program. Everyone in my group had different things to work on and different personalities but we all helped each other, and the leader of the group is one of my best friends now.
I have honestly never felt so content with my life. I feel genuinely happy, best feeling in the world. And they have this 4 annual event thing a year were you get to see everyone from your group again as well as other people. I honestly feel like I have a second family now. I see everyone from my group regularly, we are all so different mentally from the first session. We go to parties, breakfasts, birthdays and camping trips together all the time and are planning a europe trip this year! And i love love love the 4 annual events, I don’t feel lonely anymore. Even when I’m alone. Because I understand myself, understand others and have restarted my life 🙂 I really would recommend people to try it out because there is literally no help like this and sharing is caring haha
From your perspective it’s like why strive for something impossible? You look at life as a plain field and all you need to do is garden it, water the grass, trees, vegetables. When the harvest is ripe take what you need and enjoy the fruits of your labors. If you like acting, playing an instrument, or any of the such plant it in the garden along with a few other things you like until the time of the harvest. I think with this mindset in mind people are too lazy to go and garden in there life they are trying to achieve something without really planting that seed so when the harvest comes they end up hungry, and bitter at life when it’s really they are mad at themselves. This is very enlightening for me, thanks for the post.
I’m in my senior year and I can’t figure out what I want for my future career…and it is frustrating. 🙁
This article is crap. You have to plan and they stress that on young adults because we need self discipline or most people would be lazy slobs. Why teach kids how to enjoy life and live in the moment? Most people already know how to do that. Also, what about the people who can’t live in the moment because they are privileged and need to work, focus, create money for their families? It seems like you live in a box, or um wait just around a bunch of college students complaining how life is sooooooo hard.
delete my comment i was being rude.