Hey anita, thanks again for the reply! 🙂

No ive never addressed anything related to my childhood. Never thought i should.I think copilot is right and he’s spot on on many things, but the issue in my head is that it feels very real. That’s what i’ve “heard” (i know that’s not what she meant) btw when she was telling me that maybe we are not compatible on this goal (marriage), that’s why i asked her “so u are gonna leave now?” after the convo. But then i felt shutdown.

I asked my therapist today if she thinks it’s just depression and she said no, that depression doesn’t come with so many doubts and anxiety, that’s usually the OCD. She also said that i nitpick on everything my GF says and i selectively hold on to the “negative” things so i can conclude that i have to leave the relationship, which is again, avoiding intimacy/connection. For example, she said the last time in the videocall “i really miss the old u, more affectionate and spontaneous, but i know THIS you for longer than the other you, so i am more bonded to how u are now, rather than before” and i took it as “im not enough” because i only paid attention to the first half of the sentence. But how do i fight this? Since i don’t feel any motivation/feeling to text her/see her.. Therapist said that actions lead to feelings, not the other way around. Now, i saw a postcard i wanna send her with Winnie the pooh saying: “If one day we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, i’ll be there forever”. And i cried a lot thinking about that day coming (i think that’s why i cry) and i was thinking “my sweet girl”. But still, no “push” to message her and connect. It’s really confusing, damn.

What does copilot say about this? haha