Hi Miss L Dutchess:

It sounds like you’re honoring both your growth and your grief with courage — celebrating the chorus concert, holding firm boundaries in dating, and making space for therapy.

Grieving Brian while also seeking new connections is courageous work, and it’s clear you’re approaching it with honesty. Since you’re looking for love that aligns with your values, what qualities in a partner feel most essential to you right now?

🤍 Anita

Dear Miss L Dutchess:

You mentioned wanting to build friendships and romantic connections. One small step that really helps is showing people that you value their kindness — when they offer kindness. Even a quick “thank you” or a short reply can make others feel connected to you. Friendships often grow from those little moments of appreciation.

I know you said you’re shy and neurodivergent, and that can make expressing reciprocity harder. Silence doesn’t mean ingratitude, but practicing small acknowledgments can build confidence and deepen bonds. Even an emoji, a smile, or a simple phrase like “Thanks, that means a lot” can go a long way.

I admire the progress you’ve already made, especially holding your boundaries — that’s so important. Keep going, step by step. Reciprocity isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing others their effort matters.

🤍 Anita

Hello again, Miss L Dutchess:

Good to receive your replies 😊

You wrote, “I try to be polite and say please and thank you but this seldom helps turn acquaintances into friends.”- how about.. instead of trying to be polite, trying to be genuinely appreciative of others when they show you any kind of kindness.. placing your personal touch into the politeness?

“I’m not like my mom who is naturally charming and draws people in.”- you may be better than your mother in drawing people in, but you don’t know it yet. You don’t need to copy your mother, you need to find your special, unique way of connecting with people.

As to what you are asking for in regard to a partner- it’s admirable that you are asking for these things. I imagine you’ll be so excited when you find these things in a partner?

🤍 Anita

Dear Miss L Dutchess:

“in college I’d try to polite and friendly but never genuinely clicked with anyone… At work my colleagues are 20 years older than me and are very different in terms of personalities and interests so we’re cordial but will likely never be close”-

I am close to 40 years older than you, and way.. way removed from college, but you and I can still genuinely click, I have no doubt about it. I am willing. Are you?

I was so disconnected and lonely.. and resentful over it, when I was your age.

Can you and I connect? It can be a healing type of thing, just to share and exchange our individual, genuine, real-life experiences..?

🤍 Anita