Dear Manjot:

If I understand correctly, the two of you dated for a year, and at the end of the year (4 months ago), she told you that because her parents disapproved of the relationship, she had to break up with you, but you suspect that she was not honest with you (that she lied to you), and that the real reason she broke up with you was that “she didn’t care… I meant nothing to her“. Recently, you found out that she is dating someone new.

“I feel betrayed. I feel used. Maybe she never loved me. Maybe she didn’t think I was the one.. I feel really miserable right now. Time hasn’t been kind to me. I really need help. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to bear this pain. We see each other everyday in class and seeing her with her new boyfriend I feel devastated. Please help me.“-

– I understand that you feel very, very hurt. Clearly, you grew very much emotionally attached to her. It would be very painful for anyone in your place (being very emotionally attached to a person, then broken up with, and lastly seeing the person you are still attached to.. with someone else).

In your pain, you see things in extremes. It’s probably not that she never loved you, but that she loved you but doesn’t anymore. She may love the new guy now, but that doesn’t mean that she will love forever.

The two of you are very young (college?) and breakups and heartaches are common, especially in your ae group. There are many people experiencing your pain. You are not alone. This pain will pass, hopefully sooner than later.

It is difficult for you to move on because (1) you attend the same school and you see her (and her new love-interest) every day in class, and (2) unlike her, you are not dating someone new. Dating someone new often weakens the emotional attachment to a previous romantic partner. Did you have any desire, in the last 4 months, to date someone new, or were you curios about such a possibility?

anita