Thanks, Anita, for your response. I accidentally hit “report” instead of “reply” first. I don’t know if that does anything. My apologies, if so.  I’m not even sure I am replying correctly, lol.

I’d say, yes, it’s just true in the moment for him. He said a lot of things, that I’ve even thought to myself in the past – he felt it at that moment. Because who walks away again and again after making commitment after commitment?  Embarrassingly, I admit, I kept going back to him. Believing him. Believing he loved me, wanted to spend his life with me. But he left me 3 times, bailing in commitments he made, leaving me worse off than the time before. Specifically, financially. Truly, over time, I became an emotional mess. I always felt something was off, sensed he was lying to me about things. But could never catch him in anything. Until the last breakup. He got caught in a lie, one that made zero sense to even lie about. Said it was the only time he lied, only to slip up the very next day about another lie he told. So he lied about lying. Two weeks later he dumped me (this was 2 years ago -my post). I had just taken another job, making less pay.  I had been looking because I was not happy at my current job. He was influential in this decision. It was fully remote, way better benefits and 401k. He said he’d supplement my income until we could buy a house together.  And he bailed, less than 2 months later, citing communication problems. My God, I’m rambling.  Why would I even want to see him ever again???

[quote quote=434480]Dear Debs123: You are welcome! “I accidentally hit ‘report’… My apologies“- mistakes happen, you are forgiven for being human! “he left me 3 times, bailing in commitments he made, leaving me worse off than the time before. Specifically, financially… He got caught in a lie, one that made zero sense to even lie about. Said it was the only time he lied, only to slip up the very next day about another lie he told. So he lied about lying“- talking about mistakes (above), lying is not a mistake such as unintentionally hitting the wrong key on your keyboard. Lying is intentional, intended to deceive. His behavior overtime is a pattern of misbehavior that has hurt and harmed you. “Why would I even want to see him ever again???“- good question and I would like to explore the answer with you. Would you like that? anita[/quote]

Hi Anita. Thank you, again, for your reply.

His lies are intentional and hurtful, not to mention wondering many, many times if he was lying. I had a lot of gut feelings he was lying on many occasions.  These 2 I found out about…I had a gut feeling when they happened.

There’s more to the story, as there always is. He did nice things for me throughout the times we were together. He had a way of making me feel special, that I was important. However, he was unkind at times also, making jokes at my expense, saying mean things in the heat of the moment. He told me to go fix myself (I became insecure, doubting things he said, questioning so much, things like that). There just seemed to be something missing, holes in stories.  He hated conflict, so when I would approach him about how I was feeling, like when he seemed “different” to me, he would eventually blow up at me because, for me, it just wasn’t resolved. He was tired of me bringing things up, that’s when he’d yell.

I can’t wrap my head around him rejecting me again and again, after promising me so much. A life together. How do you love someone and turn around and keep walking away?  And why can’t I let it go?  I know he is not good for me. I just want to forget him. I don’t know how. I don’t know why this is happening. I’ve been in relationships that have ended, and I’ve always moved past them. This is different.  I feel like he played me every time, like he was pretending to be someone he’s really not.  But gosh, he was so believable. It hurts my heart, still.

[quote quote=434487]Dear Deb123, Yes, he has treated you badly before and there is no indication that will change in the future. I am well aware of men’s behavior of not being sure about a woman. He likes you but doesn’t want to commit if another woman comes along. So thinking playing the field. But, it is only hurting you. So, it is time to cut this loose and move on. My advice is not always the best nor does anyone want to listen to me. But, you even said it yourself. Why would you even want to see him ever again? Tommy[/quote]

Tommy,

thank you!  Your advice is most likely spot on. I appreciate your honesty.  And, I agree with what you’re saying.  I feel he will never change and he will do to the next person what he did to me. Maybe not.  Who knows. I want to get to the point where I just don’t care anymore

Debs

[quote quote=434515]Dear Debs123: You are welcome. “His lies are intentional and hurtful… he was unkind at times also, making jokes at my expense, saying mean things in the heat of the moment… he’d yell“, but he also made you feel special: “He had a way of making me feel special, that I was important“. For a person who regularly feels, or has felt growing up, not special, not important, to get to feel special and important is intoxicating, like a dream come true. “I can’t wrap my head around him rejecting me again and again, after promising me so much. A life together“- you felt that he promised you a lifetime of being special and important to him, as in.. heaven on earth (I might be exaggerating here, maybe not)? “And why can’t I let it go?“- let him go, or let go of what he may have represented for you, if he did: a promise of a lifetime of being special and important? Is it that for that promise you were willing to ignore his lies, occasional meanness, etc.? anita

Hi Anita

I appreciate your input, thank you.

I do think the promises he made over and over are some of the reason for staying. I wanted that life, but at what cost? The others, I loved him ( or thought I did?).  I often thought he was lying, but couldn’t prove it. There were times I thought I was going crazy, unsure about what was real and what wasn’t.  Was he even real?  Was he hiding behind a mask? Was I just paranoid? How many lies were there?  I wish he’d never sent that random text. I wish he didn’t ask me to dinner, and 2 weeks later, no word. I wish I hadn’t looked at the dating sites and seen him on several right now.

I probably sound off my rocker, because I should be able to just forget this man. He had shown me over and over that he can just leave. I was good to him, always there, always supportive, everything he was looking for…so he said… until I wasn’t. Again and again.