“What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find.” ~Herman Hesse
I have a confession: I hate slowing down. When I finally let myself stop—being alone with my thoughts, vulnerable and open to the world—I become afraid.
I have another confession: There was a specific time in my life when went through a painful and scary situation. It broke me. And the only way I knew how to cope with my shattered self was to avoid my problems.
Simply put: If times were hard, I ran.
I changed schools, moved to different cities, traveled to different countries, and found solace in running, a sport that calls for constant movement. I began seeking specifically for happiness: for the people, the place, and the situation that would help me find the “perfect life.”
I was a seeker who kept looking for happiness and different ways to “become a better person.” I was searching for a new life that would be “perfect” like the lives I saw on college campuses, TV shows, and Facebook feeds.
I believed my old life and my old self weren’t good enough, so I had to create a new life that would allow me to start over.
I pondered getting a Masters in global health, joining a rock band, writing a bestseller, running marathons, making music in West Africa, climbing mountains, and learning how to build lean-to’s.
I was convinced accomplishing any of these things would make me happy, make me feel deserving, and make me whole again.
A couple years passed by, and I slowly began to realize that no matter where I went, what I sought out, and the situations I was in, I was still the same exact person inside.
That’s when I realized if I wanted to find happiness, I had to first understand that the perfect life did not exist, and the acceptance of my past and my imperfections is what creates the near-perfect life.
Most importantly, I had to find myself again, which meant I had to stop feverishly seeking.
We should all go after the things we want; we should be driven to chase after our dreams, embrace new challenges, and go on new adventures. But seeking often means deliberately searching for something that isn’t always meant to be there, or to simply run away from something that can truthfully never escape you.
By being too tunnel-visioned and too set on a goal—landing the “perfect” job, finding the “perfect partner,” or making the “perfect” group of friends—you may miss out on the less-obvious scenarios that are intended to fill your near-perfect life.
When on your journey to stop seeking, start finding, and create a life where you are whole-hearted, fulfilled, and accepting, take note of these tips:
Accept who you are.
Know that your core self, and your emotions, outlook, and attitude, will follow you everywhere, no matter what situation you are in. Recognizing the beautiful and imperfect person you are is the first step towards accepting new challenges and allowing new experiences into your life.
Give yourself options.
You may really want one thing—a specific job, a house in a certain part of the country, or certain fame or fortune. But if one of your dreams doesn’t come into fruition, maybe this means that another bigger and better dream is waiting for you. Don’t get discouraged, and allow yourself to be open.
Be vulnerable.
Invite fear, uncertainty, and imperfection into your life. Once you fully open yourself up to the universe, it will allow you to see the incredible number of options for you, and let you try new things to help create the near-perfect life.
Meditate.
Use meditation as a way to be with nothing but your present self. This helps you to slow down and stop seeking, to really get to know your true self and what you feel, want, and need.
Try again.
Things don’t fall into place right away. There will be ten hardships before one celebration. Don’t give up. Be patient.
Don’t be stagnant.
None of these tips mean you should stop moving completely and wait for life to work itself out on its own. Rather, it’s about finding a balance between learning what you want and inviting new opportunities, while recognizing that how you react to life’s situations is in your hands.
After nearly ten years of seeking, I found my near-perfect life in New York City, the one place I had once swore I’d never move to. I found an apartment with an old friend, and we rekindled a friendship from nearly five years prior. I discovered a support system of friends and family who were always there for me, and one company of hundreds I applied to hired me.
My time in New York has helped me uncover the happy spirit that was always within me—the spirit that once was simply too tired from my constant seeking to spread its light.
I’m still not very good at slowing down. I’m happiest when moving, when constantly trying to reach that next tier. But I’m also trying to slow down and breathe—to stop seeking for “better” and start finding myself, allowing my near-perfect life to meet me halfway.
Photo by 3Drake9
About Laura Schwecherl
Laura is the Growth Director at Greatist.com, a health and fitness media startup inspiring the world to be healthier and happier. Her other loves include running marathons, reading about African cultures, and searching for the perfect bloody mary. Follow her on Twitter at @lschwech or check out her blog at Camping Out In America.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Laura, this is a beautiful story and it reminds me so much of my past. I was constantly trying to run away, changing jobs every 6-12 months, changing countries several times, doing extreme sports…
And I always thought, when I do this or that, when I get this or that… I will be happy, I will have “finally arrived”.
The truth is, absolutely nothing changed. From the outside, it may have seemed interesting and people admired me for my courage and all the things I did, however, I felt lost. To me, it seemed like I’m not getting anywhere. I felt like constantly running in circles without getting anywhere.
I said to myself: “You did this and that, you achieved this and that… yet live is still exactly the same, it still feels as empty as before, how I this possible?”
Then I realized, that no matter what I would do and achieve on the “outside”, it would not change anything. I could set out to become a millionaire, famous… but it would not change anything. wherever I would go, I would take this emptiness with me.
The solution to happiness, joy and fulfillment actually was so much easier than I would have ever imagined. It was just a matter of letting go, of turning more inward, of simply enjoying the moment – watching the clouds passing by, enjoying eating an apple, watching a little cat playing… fully experiencing life and enjoying those simple things.
In the past, I could not have imagined enjoying those simple things – enjoying eating an apple??? No, it had to be really “big”, otherwise there was no reason to be happy about it.
All the things we “Really” want – joy, happiness, fulfillment, well-being… are already within us, but in order to experience them (actually to experience our true Self), we simple have to let go of the illusion on the outside and re-connect with our Self on the inside.
That’s when true change starts happening. It changes the quality of our thoughts, the way we feel, the way we respond to events, the actions we take… our entire life.
Happiness and fulfillment can only be found in one place: Within, in your Self. If you put your attention on this “bigger part” of you, happiness starts flowing naturally and effortlessly.
And besides this happiness, other things like material wealth, fame… may also be flowing into your life – if you need it for your current learning experiences. But, you will no longer be attached to those things, because you already have EVERYTHING, you will simply enjoy them and be grateful for them.
On the other hand, if you focus ONLY on the “outside”, you may became very wealthy, famous… but happiness and true fulfillment will always elude you.
New York City? Just kidding. I loved this post and the quote by Herman Hesse at the top. Thank you for sharing.
“Try again.
Things don’t fall into place right away. There will be ten hardships before one celebration. Don’t give up. Be patient.”
This point I love the most. Now a days patience is lost. The generation needs immediate results but when nothing happens they lost their mind. Lacking of patience leads to stress and ultimately to smoking and drinking.
www,theinternallight.com
Hey Laura,
Great article. I needed to hear it right at this point in time. I have been trying to focus on slowing down. I loved the point you made about even though you may go to new places and have new experiences, it is the same you. I also recently wrote about being afraid of facing myself and would avoid the quiet and being alone. It all comes back to the self and if we are really accepting ourselves.
Thanks again for the words.
I seriously love this post. Until recently, I spent all of my life waiting for the day my “perfect life” would start.. and every time it failed, I would change my environment or fantasize about how much better life would be somewhere else. Thankfully I recognized that changing my external situation would not make me feel better internally, not matter how many times I tried. So I learned to really appreciate what I had and to make the best out of every situation. Also, to always try and live in the present – and you’re right, meditation seriously helps that. Thanks for the post 🙂
This was awesome!! Thank you. Just what I needed to hear today… as I’m quite guilty of intense seeking at times… your advice is wise, simple & straight foreword. Congrats to you on letting go & letting it happen~
I can totally relate to this. I’ve been conscious of it for the past few years and have learned my lesson that no matter where I move to or try to change my outlook, I still feel like ill find my true happiness elsewhere. To address this, I’ve been forcing myself to stop and be grateful for what I have every time I feel a longing for something else. To tell myself that I can have the feeling of being whole and complete just by imagining the feeling of what it would be like if I did have everything I wanted. The joy and comfort that shows up and those times can only be matched by those simple moments in the past where I was fully present and feeling loved. I know that I can give that to myself anytime I want to.
I recently was able to “retire” from an enjoyable career of 24 years.
In the process of transitioning, I spent a lot of time envisioning the life I wanted to live. It boiled down to making a clear-eyed assessment of my strengths, experience, joys, and purpose.
Fundamentally what I wanted to do was serve others in a way that leveraged who I was and my experience so that every morning I would wake up enthusiastic about “going to work” without it really being work.
Thus far, life is a perfect as it can get despite all the imperfections that come with it.
Good points Laura,
Do you find mediation via mindfulness or meditation on a certain idea helpful to centre yourself?
Thank you for the post Laura
Thank you for sharing. I had just finished my Buddhist chanting with the hope of finding something inspiring. This article did just that. I am currently starting a new journey and it seems as though I cannot stop seeking. I am ready to start doing! Thanks agian.
Thank you for sharing. I had just finished my Buddhist chanting with the hope of finding something inspiring. This article did just that. I am currently starting a new journey and it seems as though I cannot stop seeking. I am ready to start doing! Thanks again.
Great article. I am a counselor and will share some of these insights with my clients. (They have been beneficial to me as well!)
Being vulnerable has totally transformed the way I relate to people. Especially in my romantic relationships. Instead of closing off and retreating, I purposefully go softer and let them know whats going on inside for me. Simply sharing what I’m feeling, without making the other person at fault has healed me and brought me more intimacy.
Great article Laura!
As Albert Einstein stated Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole
strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of
a person.
Marvelous! Thanks…
Great tips Laura! It was huge to learn the difference between constantly not being satisfied and wanting to be different versus letting dynamism in while building my core. It is one of the best journeys to take. 🙂
Wonderful response.
A very helpful and great article. Thank you for sharing.
thank you so much for reading.
‘letting dynamism in while building my core.’ Could not have said it better myself. 🙂
Of course!
Right on.
You are so right – I’m so glad vulnerability has affected your life in such positive ways.
That’s amazing – I’m so happy to hear.
Wow. So glad I’ve helped inspire. Well wishes and great vibes to you on your new journey 🙂
I’ve tried both – but I tend to enjoy mindfulness more. Thanks so much for reading!
Thanks Anders!
so glad to hear it – enjoy your ‘retirement’ and perfect, imperfect life 🙂
Simple moments are the most important. I’m so glad you can relate.
Michael – thank YOU.
Hey Liv – thank you for reading! So glad you recognized the external/internal battle – it sure is a tough one.
Thank you, Lori, for reading. It means a lot.
:>)
so glad that point resonated with you! And you’re so right – being patient gets harder and harder as we can all get stimulated so quickly and easily through technology.
Haha, yeah. Of all places! But you can really be happy anywhere, yeah? You should also read Siddhartha if you haven’t – that’s where the quote came from!
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Robert. I’m so glad you found the beauty and power of letting go. 🙂
why the fook would you invite fear into your life? It is a product of attachment. Buddha is fearless for he has no preference.
Funny that you came HERE to slow down! LOLOLOLOL! So glad things worked / are working out for you!
I ran for decades and have only just recently turned myself to face me, as the man said.
I look forward to having an even ONE-person support system.