Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Julia Manuel

This month we’re celebrating the upcoming launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

Throughout September, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

Today’s featured contributor is Julia Manuel, a writer, strategic communications specialist, and assistant with a Baptiste-affiliated yoga studio.

Her contribution for the book explores how we can live authentically instead of playing roles.

A little more about Julia…

1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

My journey of self-love is a newer expedition. I spent most of my life striving to be the best at everything, piling too much on my plate, and being jealous of others.

Although I still have an existential crisis occasionally and ask myself, “Why am I not living the slow life on an island rather than hustling around Northern Virginia?” I enjoy sharing my time at home with my husband, our dog, and our friends.

Being surrounded by others’ positivity is an inspiration to reflect what they emit. I want to help others feel relaxed, appreciated, and loved, and I believe that energy is emitted from within. I work on loving myself so I can give that back to the people I encounter.

2. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

Someone complained to a mutual friend that I laughed too loud. For years, I’d muffle my laughter, hide my smile, and maintain composure when I was excited. I believed if someone complained, then these traits really were flaws.

I think maturity was the turning point. The more comfortable I felt in my own skin and the more I loved myself, I realized that laughing loudly is an expression of how much joy and happiness I feel. It’s not the laughter of a hyena, but a deep, boisterous, riotous laugh.

When people tell me, “I could hear you coming from a mile away you were laughing so hard,” it makes me laugh even more. I could be known for worse, right? Is it wrong to say that you love your own laugh? It reminds me that I live life to the fullest.

3. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

Those with tremendous empathy must be careful that other people don’t use our warmth to fill a void, because we’re left exhausted. I let someone sponge off my energy so much that I lost myself. I wanted to help this person realize they were worthy of love and friendship, but it was parasitic, and I was left with nothing.

The tables turned and I become the person who needed to feel loved and worthy. I clung to a new friend too fast and scared them because my actions were needy, desperate, compulsive, and negative.

It’s been a slow process to forgive myself, but I remind myself that it is okay to leave the person you were in the past. I’ve learned to take ownership of my mistake and decided the only way to forgive myself would be to live in the present. When you’re present, there is no past or future.

4. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me…

…I am finally okay with that.

5. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

A friend and I have gone to yoga classes together for three years. We roll out our mats next to each other, and for the first few months, every time we’d hit Warrior One, or crescent lunge, or chair pose, I’d peek over at her and think, “Geez, why am I not that close to my mat?! I’m not bending my knee enough or squatting low enough.” And then I beat myself up over it.

One day, in the middle of class I realized, “Wait a second, I’m like a foot taller than her!” I know that’s the silliest example ever, but comparing ourselves to others is just that—silly. I was trying to convince my body to do things it simply couldn’t just to mimic someone else because what I saw was beautiful, calm movement.

It’s so easy to compare. Someone at work dresses nicer than you or is a more eloquent speaker. Your friend is a perfect mother or amazing chef. Your partner always has their head on straight. What we need to recognize is the line between comparison and appreciation.

One thing I learned from my yoga community is that I am right where I need to be. I’ve always strived to be an individual. When I’m down, I actually make a list of things I like about myself or what I’ve accomplished in the past year. When you love yourself, it’s easier to look at others and acknowledge their strengths rather than be jealous of them.

6. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

You are good enough.

7. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

• Finding Solitude. I recharge alone in silence whether that’s hiking, yoga, reading, etc.
• Yoga. Yoga practice has bridged my mind and body. My thoughts are peaceful and collected and my body is strong. I carry that strength and peace off the mat. I also strive to practice the teachings of yoga toward other to maintain balance. We have to take good care of others too!
• A good cry. I’m not ashamed to admit it, but I think crying is a great emotional release. I always feel so relaxed after expelling all of that pent up energy and able to take on the world.

8. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

I love being of service to others. Recently, this has been in the form of sharing my knowledge and helping friends write essays or scholarship applications, sharing my teacher training experience with friends who want to become certified, mentoring new hires at work, surprising friends with a good bottle of wine for no reason.

I love the community built from reciprocating good deeds and sharing.

*Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

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