Looking back over this I wondered why you felt compelled to move back in with your dad.

Something must have happened to make you face tough times financially.

Unless it was accumulated debt.

At least you could try to recognize that your dad tried to help you, although things broke down rather rapidly.

You, in turn, lent your brother $100.

So you have an element of family loyalty and kinship. However , experience has shown you that they are not people you can rely on so clearly you need to find another support system.

You cannot rely on alcohol as it will most certainly betray you.

Perhaps you could learn to rely on yourself by learning new skills, maybe joining Alcoholics Annonymous.

The bond with your mother is of primary importance because she brought you into this world, but now that she has passed away you feel deserted.

It may appear that this is the case, but your mother is in spirit now and will be aware of your suffering and struggling.

Maybe you could create a tribute to her. Perhaps float flowers on water or even just buy her favourite flowers and remember her graciously.

You may feel alone in this world, at this time, but rest assured that you will have relatives from previous times who take an interest in your current circumstances.

If people are breaking into flats and stealing and threatening other people  then sometimes you have to stand your ground.

If the situation gets out of hand then you are forced to call the police.

It can be very difficult when you have divided loyalties, but it is important to remember that you are here on this earth for a reason and the best may be yet to come.

Hi Robyn

You posted this on the 6th and I’m only now seeing your post on the 14th. This has started happening recently. Perhaps your post was bumped straight into the second page during a busy period? This means that your post may not have been seen by many people.

I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties with your family and that you lost your mother.  And there are difficulties in your apartment building too. No one should feel unsafe in their own home.

You have no obligation to your father after what he did.

I feel like the mistake was blocking your brother. Did you have a reason to the first time you mentioned that you did it here?

People do get upset when they’re blocked in general.

Changing your number without telling him and not giving it to him was a mistake too. This upsets people as well.

From his perspective you ignored him twice then asked him for a favour. It’s not surprising that he’s not receptive. Yes, he handled being upset poorly. But if the first time you mentioned you blocked him you didn’t have a good reason, it was understandable for him to be upset.

You used to be close, but clearly aren’t anymore. If you want to repair this relationship you’d have to put some work into it. Be consistent, not block him, ignore him or change your number.

Do you have the ability to see a therapist or pursue medication to help with your mood? You’ve really been going through the wringer recently with a lot going on at once. It sounds like you could use some professional support.

Please take care of yourself during this difficult period and bear in mind that alcohol is a depressant. It will ultimately worsten your mood.

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏

Dear Robyn:

You are welcome. “Is it not bad of him to leave me hanging when I helped him without a thought when his boyfriend kicked him out? When does the loyalty begin and end?“- You have the right to end your loyalty to him at any time. It is up to you. Personally, at this point in my life, I am loyal to principles, not to personalities, including personalities I am related to. I am loyal to those who are good people (although imperfect), for as long as they are good people via the totality of their words and actions. This loyalty goes hand in hand with my intent and efforts to be a good person myself through my words and actions.

“I am doing much better. Went no contact with my family and found peace where I am now“- good thing! Family is supposed to be about peace and love, but too often, it is synonymous with war and hate. When the latter is the case, better go No Contact.

“I saw them for who they are. I still love them because of the blood we share, but I don’t like them. My dad can die today and I wouldn’t cry“- I am curious about your love vs like distinction: you .. love your father?

anita