Hello Chris,

I wish I had immediate words to help ease your pain. Heartbreaks are hard to go through. Especially processing why it all occurred. To be responsible we try to figure out what we could have done differently or did wrong. The toxic version of this would be saying I am bad I am wrong (shame) instead of guilt ‘I did something wrong’. When we process things with shame it can change our core beliefs such as not deserving love. You are worthy of love.

when we go through loss we go through grief. There is a lot on the internet about the stages of grief

I wonder if the state you live in has free local mental healthcare? There is usually something available to help people but it depends on the state.

When grieving and in deep sadness, it is easy to get stuck in a loop. I bring this up to help break into a different path of self care instead of the loop. The loop is not eating, not communicating with people, and shutting down. I use to do this a lot and it made it very hard to leave my house or do anything. So I suggest to please eat something nutritious, talk with someone if you feel safe to do so, and perhaps go to the woods to be with nature? if you like nature. Sometimes jut breathing into the forest can feel like nature is giving us a hug, and we are able to have new thoughts. There is an old indigenous philosophy that thought and space are connected.

I wish you the best on your healing journey

Zeeza

Hi Chris,

I loved her so much and now I just hate myself for screwing it up. I feel like I’m just a rotten person.

I just don’t feel like I deserve love on a really deep level and I’m just so hurt about what happened that I am closing every doorway in

I am very sorry you feel so bad about yourself, Chris. I hear a lot of self-condemnation and the belief that you are a rotten person who doesn’t deserve love on a deep level. It’s not true, Chris. Even if you made some mistakes, you deserve love. We all deserve love on a deep level. I hope you can realize and get to feel that during the course of your therapy.

I’ve taken a look at your previous thread, where you were talking about a sense of emptiness. You also said: “I want a deeper spiritual connection with life but I simply don’t know how to get it”

Are you still feeling this sense of emptiness and lack of spiritual connection?

Hey Chris,

you’re welcome! I am glad you’ve come a long way since then and that you don’t feel a spiritual void any more, and also are much more stable and not addicted to anything in excess. Good for you!

I do hope you’ll feel better about yourself, even if this breakup caused you a great heartbreak and regret.

I don’t have the energy to be anything but someone who is the recipient of any kind of affection or interest, I am so low on any ability to be assertive or “outward”. I am hurting so much.

Perhaps what you need at the moment is lots of compassion, understanding and non-judgment. The best to receive this is from a therapist or a support group, not necessarily from a romantic partner. Because romantic partners do have expectations on us, while a therapist doesn’t. We can show up as we are, unfiltered, and we will be accepted. That might help you charge your “batteries” and only receive, rather than needing to give or perform or please anybody. What do you say?