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Hello all. First post here, sorry if this is a little long.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m 44 and my ex partner, 40, broke up with me in February. She said she needed space at the time and we agreed to remain friends. Five days later she said she couldn’t do it and told me we needed to end contact for at least the time being. I was devastated but always figured we’d get back together. I broke contact a few times until she told me in April that we were done and she was moving on (not sure if she was just trying to get me to leave her alone). My heartbreak plus depression & anxiety (I had just recently weaned off my meds….bad timing!) caused me to lose my mind for three days. I sent her numerous text messages, voicemails, emails, reached out to friends and family. Nothing angry or negative but it was still very bad. In retrospect, I believe she was my first true love and I just handled it really poorly. I’m trying to give myself grace but I know I scared her and hurt her deeply. I’ve been in no contact since then (almost 2 months).</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Our relationship wasn’t perfect but it was very strong. We were so compatible, loved each other deeply, were fully open, honest, and vulnerable. Intimacy was off the charts amazing. Our kids got along with each of us and each other. It just felt like we were building the perfect family.
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>It wasn’t all perfect. We both brought baggage into the relationship. She had abandonment issues from her childhood and I had endured a rough marriage with a difficult ex. She has also been cheated on in her marriage. We both dealt with anxiety. Mine was elevated at the end of the relationship due to custody and financial issues (which have been resolved since then). I had a higher level of stress and anxiety over the last few months and I think I pushed her away, along with acting needy.  We were both very independent people and I’m sure this pushed her away. She also occasionally complained of me not doing the little things to show I care, though I was making an effort to do more of it. I think at some point I took her for granted a little that she would always be there, even though I still made an effort to show her love and care. She was also dealing with some health issues and the start of menopause.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Since the breakup I’ve started to reinvent myself into the man I want to be. I’ve lost 30 pounds, taken up running, started volunteering, making new friends, exploring my spirituality. I’m making great strides every day, even though I still hurt.
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>My question is do you think there is a chance my ex could return given she once loved me so deeply? I know I blew it with my actions after the breakup but I do hope she can eventually see this was due to heartbreak and mental health.
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you.</p>

Thank you. I think that is a good idea. She did tell me she didn’t want me to contact her but I think eventually enough time would have passed by then.

initially I was scared I would lose her to someone else. Now I’m more scared that if I get rid of all hope, that I’ll lose the last part of me that is still attached to her.

Our bond was so strong and special that I guess I struggle with the thought that it all ended like this.

Hi and thanks for replying.

We didn’t really argue very much but I do know I was wrapped up in temporary external issues sometimes and perhaps she felt maybe taken for granted a little sometimes? But I think she also knew I loved her deeply. I only really noticed her pulling away over the last few weeks so I think whatever caused her to leave happened relatively quickly.

I’m definitely going to give her all of the space the needs, even if that is forever. It hurts to think I won’t get to talk to her again but I’m slowly coming to terms with it. Then again, it’s only been a few months and she may need much more space before feeling ready to reach out, if she does. I love her unconditionally and it saddens me to see her hurting.

one thing I mentioned to my therapist today was her abandonment issues (her father checking out after divorce and her husband leaving her for another woman years ago). He said that people with such trauma often will leave relationships when they sense trouble so as not to be abandoned again. I feel like this may explain some of it, though I just don’t know.

another thing that bothers me is that perhaps she feels like things ended so poorly that she would never want to revisit it. I know she knows I still love her and hopefully she knows I am not mad at her.

Thank you. Yes, closure would help, just to know  what she is thinking. I’m hoping I’ll hear from her, even if it is years down the road. I will have moved on by then but I really can’t bear the thought that my post breakup meltdown will be our last communication.

I thought she was my soul mate (and I thought she felt the same way, at least for much of the relationship). I guess that is what has hurt the most, though I’m moving past it.

Yes. I always told her what a strong woman she was. She would tell me she really wasn’t when I’m fact she was. She just couldn’t see it. She is a great person, wonderful mother, a friend to so many people, has a good career. I think at her heart maybe the stress and her history just brought her down.

I’m hopeful that she will reach out when she is ready. I’m still scared that she won’t.

And thank you for your kind words. At the time of my breakdown I didn’t sleep for a week and lost 10 pounds in a few days. I never experienced such pain, not even after the death of my parents. It felt like I wasn’t even in control of myself. It was truly a scary feeling.

I know. I wish I can been more aware of this at the time. Perhaps she felt as if I was dismissing her and not hearing her. I didn’t mean it in that way. There are a lot of things I’d like to be able to go back and do differently. But I know I can’t and I need to forgive myself.