Hi Anita,

I decided I deserve more than what I am getting from this situation.  He told me yesterday he is taking her & the grown children to Florida for a week and I told him not to contact me any longer, yes it is painful except if he wanted he would leave and not keep me on the back burner.  It’s my fault for staying as long as I have.  I need to be strong enough not to respond if he does call or text which I feel he will. All of his children range from 27 to 43. He said they wouldn’t understand if he moved out. All they are about is being taken care of & $$$.

Thank you for any advice.

Good Morning Anita,

Thank you for your response & yes, now the anger feelings are sprouting as the emotional feeling dissipates.  I do care for him & his children are self-centered & are enabled by him so I don’t feel good to have them take the blame for their actions and irresponsibility.  They live with him & his ex and he keeps them up and no they are not disabled.  One is except he gets every penny of disability he can.  He even gets money for living expenses & cares about nothing except having fun and partying.

Why am I so angry today?  The more this crosses my mind the feelings are quickly turning in the opposite direction.

Hi Anita,

Yes, you have hit the nail on the head.  I shouldn’t have answered a call from him last night.  I was feeling Blah due to the situation with him & trying to do projects around the house.  I am very overwhelmed with repairs & upkeep on my home which is too big for me.

I have too big of a Heart and didn’t want to keep ignoring his calls and text.  The call went nowhere & I told him it was redundant to continue the conversation & out of nowhere, he said he Loved me because I am the only female he has never been able to control and he liked that feeling but was still not sure how he would explain it to the family if he moved out and if our relationship didn’t work he didn’t know how to move back in the house and keep things under control.  He wanted to come over this a.m. and talk and I told him I had plans.  He asked when I would be able to see him and finally, I agreed to Friday.  I told him the only thing I could say was if he was coming over to discuss the situation at hand there was no point because I was not a submissive person & have always been responsible and taken care of myself and would not change.

Trying to be too understanding and giving many people the benefit of a doubt has really hurt me in the past & I won’t stop when I need to learn to take more control of my life.

I bought a book that jumped out at me which is called “Why Men Love Bitches” very good read and makes some sense.

Now I have learned he is more of a control freak than I thought but he has a knack for it.  I have no idea why I keep having the same conversation with him with the exception of the new stunts of him taking his ex out of town.  It still feels like someone hitting me in the stomach as hard as they can.  I have been through a lot in the past and things have turned out ok.  Maybe I am afraid I will run out of time to have a few blissful years with someone or maybe I am still living in a Love Bubble.

Please throw it back at me & tell me if I shouldn’t talk to him and why you feel he wants to talk.  I apologize, you may need to pull out a crystal ball for some of the questions I have asked. I wish I could think of the perfect thing to say to him because I need to but for some reason will not cut him off 100%~I told him I was a fool for putting up with this situation and he got angry and told me he had never lied to me. Sugarcoating & taking the path of least resistance is what he is doing. Getting angry with me and changing the subject is an old worn-out tactic that wasn’t working.

Have a Lovely day,

Shookie~

Yes, Yes Anita,

You have him down to a “T”~ and are so correct.

I am going to get back into my Independent thinking mode, ignore anyone that will try to limit me and I would not ever compete with another woman at my age.

Have a great day my Friend…

Shookie

Good Evening Ms. Anita,

You are so nice & caring.  I have read several posts & you always answer so kindly.  A “GOD” Given Quality & Beautiful Soul to help myself and others as you do.

I am very appreciative of your time and so happy and heartwarming that you smiled this morning & I hope you kept the smile all day “My New Friend.

Read tomorrow I hope.  I look forward to your post & bypass others because I always feel so much better after your reply.

Shookie~

Good Morning My “Friend”,

Hopefully, you will wake up with a big smile on your face.  I was up most of the night reading, watching documentaries and of course, Loving on my 4 fur babies.  They are so precious I could eat them up.

My friend {LOL} called last night & I could hear a difference in his voice.  I wanted to say a few things to him & I was very calm, didn’t say anything ugly and I was surprised at the text he sent after we spoke.

Here goes & No I won’t fall for these words but it feels nice because he at least sent the read. Ended the conversation with him asking if he could drop off my belated Birthday gift due to his week away with his ex because that was the week of my Birthday.  I know, he should have spent some time with me that day because he didn’t leave to go out of town until the day after.  When I told him it would be fine he was shocked & said really?  I said “Of course, I have earned it and to top it off it is a candle that he said he spent 3 hrs. driving around town trying to find me a candle because I keep candles burning 24/7 and always have and he said he found one that smelled like him and he thought I may like it and hoped I would along with a few little things which he said were not a big deal but it was a few things he wanted me to have.  Of course, I said yes. I am excited to find out what the gifts are so I can tell you and we can dissect the gifts. The gifts will tell me where his head is a bit.

Here is the text he sent.

There is something about you that just fascinates me. I do not like being in control of everything.  You are exclusive, unpredictable, and outspoken but soft, emotional, smart, and sophisticated.

Maybe it’s the balance with you, I don’t know. Done thinking about it for the day, I see you everywhere. Going to bed and will talk tomorrow.

What do you read from the text?  Yes, my Friend, you have permission to use the Crystal Ball. He also told me while we were talking he had an appointment next week with a psychotherapist to help him figure out why he feels so responsible to take care of his ex and kids while all he does is work.  We shall see.  I think I already have it figured out because I knew his first wife and the children. Long story, but good for another post.

Have a Beautiful day.  It is raining here & I fed all my babies and believe I will lay back down for a while and listen to the raindrops hit the roof and the euphoric feeling I have been able to lay here looking out the glass doors in my bedroom & see the bird, squirrels and all the fur babies sleeping because the opossum and raccoons were on my porch last night playing.  Even though I am alone and get lonely I do believe I am learning to make myself happy and it feels great.

Thank you for the new friendship.  I look so forward to opening my laptop and looking for your reads.

Your Friend Shookie~

Hi Ms. Anita,

I hope you are asleep and having a nice comforting feeling, I have found in the past few days if I go to bed with comforting thoughts I sleep better and do wake up with a smile when I realize life is & never will be perfect.  We all have good and bad days.  You will never be happy all the time, if your life is perfect all the time you won’t appreciate it as much if you don’t have bumps in the road to make you appreciate the blissfully happy days.

I had a turnaround today.  3 of my babies are not feeling well.  My Balinese 2-year-old is like a child and is such a unique little boy who fell down a pine tree & has a large wound on his head & I am nursing him.  My 10-year old which I have had since my Precious Mother passed & has always been attached to my hip has a Heart disease/FIV and a bad upper respiratory infection which he has had since he was a kitten.  He is such a sweet boy.  I had an ultrasound taken & found this out. about the Heart Disease.  I always pay close attention to him because with the heart diseases the vet said he could live a week or a few more years & there was no way of knowing so of course he is pampered.  His little sister has a fever and is feeling a bit puny & she is also on meds.  Last is the latest edition which walked in my door one day and jumped in my bed where Takeda was lying and went to sleep, she loves him and they get along so well so I have an appointment to have all of his shots and to have him neutered.

I decided not to see my friend tomorrow.  I called him and let him know I was going out of town tomorrow.  He asked when & I told him one day next week.  He told me he had a slot on Monday or Friday and that is when I had an awakening moment & thought this is crazy.  The type of life I would have with him is everything I don’t want and if we were together there would be the drama that would come from his clan.  I live a very drama-free quiet life.  I don’t want that.  Having to be put on a schedule. {LOL}~  INSANE~

He said he would bring my gifts by one day.  I have an enclosed area with tables & chairs in which he often leaves little things.on occasion. So he will set them in a chair.  I didn’t ask when or anything.  He knows I don’t open my doors for guests unless I have a heads-up.  I don’t like drop-ins and he is respectful of that. I don’t know what I am going to do with him.  Maybe it will just slow down and we can be like we were and text on occasion to say hi & ask no questions what we had was sweet but not the life I want.

I know in a few years if we were together I would get disgusted because he will always have the Drama Family to contend with.  Something like that can’t disappear.

Also, I realized I love music/reading and watching a good movie, and he does not like any of these.  All he thinks about is work and family and I am a deterrent to that Drama.  Hopefully, I will stand my ground.

Please smile in the morning, it is going to be a Beautiful day My Friend. Rain or Shine.  Both are wonderful, rain gives us a guilt-free reasons to be lazy and catnap/read or watch a good movie.  Sunny out I will work in the yard and chase my babies around.  I have a bubble machine on those days and my cats go nuts chasing them while I am running trying to catch them.  It is so adorable.

They all Love me unconditionally, why do I need a man that puts me on a schedule?

Something funny, my friend did tell me he hears the songs in his head and hums them when in his truck or in his bed before he goes to sleep and he laughed.  He said it made him feel good because if saw me while I would listen to my music. He also watched movies with me and seemed to enjoy them.  He buys me movies because he knows the type of movies I watch.

I am starting to feel bad for him because I feel he does not want to be living the life he is in and feels trapped.  He told me he wanted a happy life but taking care of so many people he couldn’t.

I am watching Frankie Valli & the four Seasons Concert & bed full of fur babies and will fall asleep around 3 or 4~

Have a Beautiful night and “Smile” tomorrow.  Medicine for the soul!

Good Night my Friend.

Shookie~