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difficult co-worker and bad evaluation

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • June 22, 2021 at 12:25 pm #381861
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Theresa,

    if I am understanding it well, there are several problems that you’re facing at the moment, all related to each other:

    1) you are left out of some projects and activities led by the committees you’re on,

    2) the committee’s chairperson claims that you didn’t do your job properly on a previous project, even though she didn’t even know what your tasks were on that project,

    3) the chairperson has a habit of treating you poorly, accusing you unjustly, talking at you without listening to you, and never apologizing,

    4) you got a bad yearly evaluation, and it was because you didn’t know what would be asked from you. You felt you were at a disadvantage because your co-workers (including the one who treats you poorly) were shown how a project should be monitored, and you weren’t, and this lead to you performing worse at the evaluation.

    5) In the past couple of years, you were afraid to share your ideas, because you were afraid that they weren’t good enough and that you would fail. Now, after receiving bad evaluation, you shared those ideas with your boss, and he was quite pleased. He shows interest in your work and is cordial with you.

    Your biggest fear is that next year you’ll be off the mark again because you won’t know what exactly is wanted from you:

    My biggest fear is that I will proceed next year and find out I was way off in what he wants from me. I have always thought I was doing an ok job with the project. I knew it needed improvement, and I was happy to improve and learn whatever I needed to know.

    As I see it, the common denominator in these problems is that you often don’t know what is expected from you (but you’re afraid to ask?), and the result is that you don’t perform according to expectations. Or you’re afraid to share your ideas, and then your supervisors believe you aren’t pro-active enough.

    It seems like a fear of expressing yourself, and fear of asking for clarification (lack of assertiveness), which then results in misunderstandings and you under-performing. Would that describe what’s going on?

     

    June 23, 2021 at 9:59 am #381886
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Theresa:

    You felt left out at work, so you calmly brought your concern to the chairperson. She reacted angrily, accusing you of not doing the work you were supposed to do, that you didn’t do your part, and that you lied (“She accused me of not doing what I was supposed to do… that I didn’t do my part.. accusing me of lying”).

    Two years ago, your boss gave you a me a mediocre evaluation for the first time. Recently, he/ she called you to his office for your yearly evaluation.

    My comments: (1) “I was calm..  I calmly called her and brought up my concern… She immediately became defensive. ‘Oh, you wanna go there?’ I was surprised but said “Ok, what’s going on?’… We ended the conversation calmly… If this were the first time I had approached her calmly and received this reaction… There have been previous times when I approached her and heard “Don’t take that tone with me!”-

    – You repeated  “calm” and “calmly” in the quote above 4 times, which leads me to think that maybe you tried to calm yourself before you approached the chairperson, and you tried to come across as calm when talking to her- but you didn’t come across as calm. After all,  why would she say “Don’t take that tone with me!” if your tone was calm (?)

    (2) “My biggest fear… I have felt so hurt and blindsided..  sad, heavy feeling inside. My relationship with my co-workers have been damaged… Any words of wisdom to help me get past this? I feel like I am always on the verge of tears”-

    – The title of your thread is “difficult co-worker and bad evaluation”- it is possible that the chairperson and the other co-worker are difficult to work with, but it is also possible that you are difficult to work with. I don’t know. What is clear is that at the workplace, you are anxious, hurt, sad and “always on the verge of tears”.

    Here is what I suggest: talk to your boss and see if he/ she thinks that it’s a good idea for a meeting to take place between the boss, the chairperson, the other co-worker and you, to discuss the professional relationship between all of you, bring up perceived problems, express the feelings associated with those problems, and how to make the work place feel better for all of you.

    The professional term employee relations refers to an organization’s efforts to create and maintain  positive, constructive professional relationships between employees and between employees and management. It reads like that’s what is needed in your workplace, and I hope it happens for you and that as a result, you will feel much better.

    anita

     

     

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