Dear Felix:

You brought up new things in this thread and I want to respond to these:

1. Nutrition in childhood affecting adult’s height: Scientific American has an article titled: “How much of human height is genetic and how much is due to nutrition?”

In the article (you can google it), it says: “The short answer to this question is that about 60 to 80 percent of the difference in height between individuals is determined by genetic factors, whereas 20 to 40 percent can be attributed to environmental effects, mainly nutrition”.

It also says there that the percentages (italicized above)  are different for different ethnic populations who live in different environment. For example, “In Asian populations, the heritability of height is much lower than 80 percent… 65 percent, based on a Chinese population of 385 families”

This means that in China, about 35% of the difference of adult height between individuals is determined by nutrition in childhood, and 65% by genetics, while in a population of white men, 20%  is determined by nutrition in childhood, and 80% by genetics. For example: the average of adult height for a white man is 178 centimeters (about 5’10”). If you meet a white man on the street who is 183 centimeters tall,  five centimeters taller than the average, 80% of it, about 4 centimeters, was caused by genetics, and 1 centimeter by nutrition.

The average adult height for a Chinese man is 170 cm. An Asian man who is 5 centimeters shorter than the average-165 cm, about 2 centimeters of that difference is due to nutrition, meaning if that man had better nutrition, his height would have been 167 cm.

“The most important nutrient for final height is protein in childhood. Minerals, in particular calcium, and vitamins A and also influence height. Because of this, malnutrition in childhood is detrimental to height. In general, boys will reach maximum height in their late teens, whereas girls reach their maximum heights around their mid-teens. Thus adequate nutrition before puberty is crucial for height.”

2. Difficulty swallowing, also called dysphagia: The Mayo Clinic has this about difficulty swallowing: “Difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) means it takes more time and effort to move food or liquid from your mouth to your stomach… persistent dysphagia may indicate a serious medical condition requiring treatment.. The causes of swallowing problems vary, and treatment depends on the cause”.

A lot of dysphagia is caused by problems with the structure or function of the esophagus, it is called “Esophageal dysphagia” and it refers to “the sensation of food sticking or getting hung up in the base of your throat.. Some of the causes of esophageal dysphagia include: … lower esophageal muscle (sphincter) doesn’t relax properly… poorly coordinated contractions of your esophagus… a narrowed esophagus (stricture)…esophageal tumors.”

It reads: “Difficulty swallowing can lead to: Malnutrition, weight loss and dehydration. Dysphagia can make it difficult to take in adequate nourishment and fluids”.

The causes of dysphagia (difficulty in swallowing) in different individuals is different, but Malnutrition is a result in many cases. Because you suffered from dysphagia in childhood, it makes sense to me that you suffered malnutrition and didn’t eat enough of that protein that is needed to reach your maximum height, which would have been a couple more centimeters, I am guessing, you being now 5’5”, 165 cm.

In summary: if you didn’t see a doctor lately for your difficulty swallowing, please do, maybe there is some new medical advancement in the area of dysphagia that can help you.

(The rest of my input on the topic is in your previous thread of same topic).

anita

Dear Felix:

For whatever it’s worth, 5’5′ is not that short for a man. A few years back I was friends with a man who was 5’3”. He is married now (to a woman who is shorter than him).

You are welcome, regarding my research. I now understand, your difficulty eating and swallowing is not because of a structural abnormality but because of fear, a trauma in childhood, that of being forced fed.

Interestingly, to me, you and I have this in common: we were both forced fed. I have no memories of it but I was told that I was forced fed as a baby, that I refused to eat, kept my mouth closed,  so my mother closed my nostrils with one hand, and when I opened my mouth to breathe, she pushed food into it with her other hand. I don’t know for sure that it is connected, but I have suffered for years with difficulty breathing comfortably. I hold my breath, I still do, this very morning.

Forced feeding is a real life trauma that babies and young children suffer wherever there is no awareness by care takers that it is indeed traumatic

I wonder if, it being a phobia, if there is a treatment, similar to treating other phobias for you, a gradual relearning of chewing with other than front teeth, and swallowing small pieces at a time with less water.

This way of eating makes it possible for you to enjoy flavorful drinks, but impossible to enjoy any solid food, correct?

anita

Dear Felix:

Thank you for your empathy regarding my forced feeding trauma, one I have no memory but of which I suffer as I am typing these words, still trying to breathe comfortably. I never communicated with another person who was forced fed, or who shared that he or she was. It is amazing how much we suffer and for so long from things that didn’t have to happen. And yet, we can’t change what happened.

I am trying to breathe comfortably. One thing that helps me is to go on fast, long walks outside, my usual 3.5 miles a day. When I walk fast, I have to breathe, I don’t have to try.

Regarding your chewing or eating, it is understandable that it hurts to use your back teeth, because you don’t have experience using them. Any progress on the matter has to be very, very slow and gradual. Just a bit of chewing with your back teeth to start with, let’s say two chews one day for seven days, then three chews the week after, and so you build endurance to chewing over time. If you could see a therapist or a doctor on the matter, to help you along this process, that will be best. And if your family has the money, it will be an excellent investment, getting a competent professional help so to adopt a healthier, more comfortable eating practice.

Regarding my example of the 5’3” man, I also know of one man who is about 5’6” who married a woman who is about 5’7”, if that helps.

anita

Dear Felix:

“I can’t think positively regarding this and keep blaming god for the injustice that happened”- I don’t think positively about things that are negative. If it’s negative then it’s negative.

There is very little equality and justice in the world and there is no god taking notes, no complaint box, or a suggestion box where you can place put your complaint and have god review it. Imagine a god is taking a piece of paper from that box, reads it and figures: oh, I didn’t know Felix was unhappy with his height.. let’s see.. 5’5” is too short for a  man, yes, I agree… yes, I made a mistake. Okay, five inches are coming your way, Felix! Next thing you know you get up from bed the next morning and you are 5’10”-

– this will never happen.

So there you are, 5’5”. Don’t think positively and don’t think negatively. Think realistically: what can I do? All you can do is what you have been doing: wearing certain sandals or shoes, a certain fashion of clothes, that’s all.

Next, look at other aspects of your life: the chewing and eating- there is something you can do about that, slowly and gradually, preferably with a professional’s help. So  do it and your life will be better for it.

Next, dating, a love relationship, if you care so much about being taller than the woman, then seek a shorter women. There are plenty of women who are about 5′, five inches shorter than you. You are self conscious about the way you eat- well, you’ll be working on it, but you have the option of choosing a woman who is also self conscious about something regarding her looks or habits. Maybe her hair is thin, maybe she has a facial tic. I had plenty of facial tics and still have some tics, so… what?

You are not perfect and there are plenty of imperfect women out there, choose one! If you are more accepting of your imperfections, you will  be more accepting of a woman’s imperfections. You will feel so much better about your imperfections once a woman loves you anyway, and she will feel so much better about her imperfections when you love her anyway!

anita

Dear Felix:

I think that it’s fine that you approach any single/ available woman you want to approach, just don’t get desperate, that is all. As is, you don’t have a girlfriend. If you approach a woman and she rejects you, then you still don’t have a girlfriend, same situation as before. In other words, when you approach a woman and get rejected, your situation is not worse, it is just as it was before, the same situation.

So, thinking realistically, there is nothing for  you to lose if you approach any woman you want to approach. But be cool about it. Say to yourself: if she rejects me, no harm done, I was single before, and I am still single.

If a woman responds positively to you, don’t get too excited, remain cool best you can, and go to the next step, one small step at a time.

Regarding what your parents told you regarding women, money and height, clearly the totality of what they told you didn’t serve you well, didn’t lead you to find a girlfriend. So I wouldn’t consider what they told you or tell you still regarding finding a girlfriend.

I hope to read from you soon, before or after you approach a woman (same height or shorter, doesn’t matter to me).

anita

Dear Felix:

Part of what your parents told you is true: money is a big attraction for people, men and women, of course. But I figure you want a love relationship, not a financial arrangement. At the least, money should not be everything for a woman, she should care about… who it is she gets married to, not solely the man’s bank account.

You asked me: “do u think I should just be confident..”- no, I don’t think you can choose to feel confident and then.. you’ll feel confident. It is not a matter of choice. What I wrote to you in my last post to you, that keep talking reality to yourself. Say to yourself: if she (whomever she is) rejects me, then I will be single just as I am now, no difference. This reality self talk may give you the courage to approach a woman even though you don’t feel confident.

“do u think she might feel weird that a stranger text her?”

How is it that you have her phone number, it being that she is a stranger?

If you have her phone number and you are a stranger, or almost a stranger, maybe better that you give her a paper note with your phone number, asking her to call you, a short note that you will hand to her in person, when you see her.

(I am not familiar with the etiquette of dating in the existing hightly technological world).

anita

Dear Felix:

If you don’t know “the advantage of a boy that has more money”, I prefer to not educate you on the matter because buying sex with money, buying a girlfriend with money, buying a wife with money are all ugly transactions.

Regarding being a “lower tier guy”, looking or not looking for a “lower tier” girl, I suggest no longer seeing anyone as a lower tier, and instead seeing yourself and other people, men and women as of equal human value.

anita